Do most parents keep their child’s DLA private from others?

[Honeyhonayboo]

If your child receives DLA do you generally keep it a secret?

AIBU to think people can be quite judgmental about it?

Not that I would overshare my finances anyway but people seem to be quite weird about my DC’s condition and think it’s no big deal despite the hours every day it takes to manage.

Why would you tell your inlaws if they had already reported you and claiming your child didn't have a true diagnosis

If somebody is OK with being portrayed as mad/bad/abusive/mentally ill to the point of being a danger to their child/fraudulent and the subject of gossip that could get back to employers, social services or end up in compliance interviews, then by all means tell people about receiving disability benefits.

But if like most people in receipt of them, they've already got more than enough to deal with in respect of the disabilities, they should keep it secret. Chances are that the same people will still make lies up to suit their own narrative against the disabled and people receiving benefits, but at least it won't have them looking you in the face as they decide you're all of the above or planning to drop an anonymous email to benefits fraud prevention.

I personally would not. People are really judgemental. I finally convinced my friend (who lost her hearing, really tragic) to apply for pip. When she got it, one of our other friends exclaimed "god you're so lucky! You can get all our drinks from now on"

I don't talk about his DLA award to many people but it's probably obvious we claim it from the bloody great bemethoth of a vehicle we drive, the wheelchair I push him around in and the fact that he is clearly light-years behind other children of his age developmentally.

@ThisMauveTurtleI wouldn't have told them myself, but DH did. I'd have cut contact after the first time they reported us (they did that anonymously after having previously promised us that if they ever felt the need to report us, they'd tell us first, which they didn't - and then denied they'd ever done it). That DC no longer speaks to them, which I totally sympathise with. I get to stay at home with him so I don't have to see the any more - hooray.

The DWP report also said that my son was kept at home as a prisoner and never allowed to leave the house. In actual fact, he was in autistic burnout which made him choose to stay mostly at home because of stress caused largely by them!

No, not a soul. You can't always tell who is going to be on board. When submitting DC's DLA application I was asked to provide the name of a person who might be contacted to support DC's application. When asked what type of person might be suitable, they suggested a TA or assistant. As DC has a 1:1 assistant at school who supports DC with almost every aspect of school life as directed in DC's EHCP, I emailed the TA to ask whether they'd be prepared to be named on the form. They came right out and said they didn't think a DLA claim was necessary and that, given time, DC might have a 'developmental spurt' and 'catch up'. It was picked up by the SENDCo who stepped and supported the claim and I didn't challenge the TA as they're still worth their weight in gold, but it taught me not to assume support or allyship anywhere.

having previously promised us that if they ever felt the need to report us, they'd tell us first

What nasty, patronising, gaslighting bigots. How arrogant of them to assume that they are the arbiters of your right to claim - and know better than the authorities who have already decided in your favour.
I bet they're the kind of people who use the phrase "I pay your wages" an awful lot.

Are you talking from experience? None of this has ever happened to me.

Yes.

Unfortunately for the ex, who was understandably a little peeved that I'd kicked him out, I wasn't actually claiming any benefits at the time.

Didn't stop him telling all and sundry, though.

I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m not sure it’s a given that it’ll happen to everyone though.

Who'd want to take the chance?

I tell people my child gets HRC dla just because when I say they are 15 people think ive suddenly got this easy child that is independent and about to move out! Just to show how high their needs are

Well I have, and I’ve never had any issues. I genuinely don’t know anyone who I can imagine would behave like that.

@caveheatblankme too. We have a household income of £150k and claim it. Do I feel
guilty? Do I fuck! With the amount of tax we pay per year, it’s a drop in the ocean and I see it as tax relief to help with the additional costs of bringing up our DD with additional needs.

As PP said earlier - my daughter is also so profoundly and obviously disabled that there is no question that we would get DLA for her. It has never really come up in conversation with anyone tbh, but no one could possibly look at my daughter and think she doesn't require an extensive amount of care, so I don't think anyone could judge us for claiming it for whatever reason, and if they did I wouldn't care.

My son gets high rate care + high rate mobility (which I swap for a car) I don’t really tell people unless it’s someone I know wouldn’t judge and it comes up in conversation first.

Same here. Similar household income and our son gets DLA. And he deserves every penny.

I've only ever mentioned it to a group of parents I know through a disability support group, so we are all in the same boat and sharing experiences. I wouldn't mention it to family or anyone outside of SEN/disability or professionals where it might be relevant.

We're on a high income and I'm sure we'd get judged for claiming. People can misunderstand DS's level of need. I am private about finances in general anyway. Nothing good can come of sharing financial information.

My 7 year old son gets HRC/LRM due to being autistic with dreadful sleeping/waking, wet often at night; sensory overload meltdowns regularly. I have told people of his issues as they either assume he’s an easy going kid who gives us no trouble - but they don’t see what happens after school; they don’t see why we can’t just go shopping as a family; why plans have to change at short notice. They don’t understand the stress of a false disclosure to school that leads to a safeguarding referral - all because he thinks it’s funny to tell people his brother “stuck a toy up his bum” or that mummy & daddy leave him at home on his own!!

Work know so I can have reasonable adjustments made for me as his main carer in case he is off school or if I’m stressed about whatever is happening next (next plan is applying for EHCP as school say they can meet his needs but he’s the target of bullies, has school based anxiety and overload affecting his coping strategies).

People around us know as we are suddenly less stressed about meeting his needs and DH and I having to tag team work so one of us is always with him. Also, we can suddenly afford to get him and his sibling season tickets to a local attraction so he can have a safe outlet for his excess energy while not having to worry about roads or gates being left open etc.