Do most parents keep their child’s DLA private from others?

[Honeyhonayboo]

If your child receives DLA do you generally keep it a secret?

AIBU to think people can be quite judgmental about it?

Not that I would overshare my finances anyway but people seem to be quite weird about my DC’s condition and think it’s no big deal despite the hours every day it takes to manage.

Probably would only come up in conversation with others going through the same thing

anyone judging is a major arse hole

Yes, I don’t tell others. My in laws knew about my children getting dla and always used the excuse “well Larry you get more money than us so you can afford it,” despite it being dc money so I’ve never told anyone else and that’s how I prefer it people become weird otherwise.

I got called greedy on MN fur admitting getting it despite being a 6 figure household, so can’t say I’ve told many people in real life! If I have it’s usually to illustrate the severity of DS’s condition that isn’t always overly obvious.

We told our parents (ie DC's grandparents) and my ILs got someone to report us to the DWP for benefit fraud, claiming that our son is perfectly healthy. A couple of years before, they had reported us to social services, telling them that his formal diagnosis had been fabricated by me in order to excuse my poor parenting.

The only other people I'd tell would be in the context of explaining to someone the severity of his condition (usually if we are asking an organisation for reasonable adjustments for his diability).

Edit for typ

Wow that’s crazy behaviour from your in-laws!

Yeah I can imagine how that would go on MN! People want to be ignorant that some disability benefits are not means tested for a reason.

Our lifestyle would be very comfortable too, however DC’s condition definitely puts in a barrier to work and DLA allows me to provide the care rather than it coming from others. I would never really offer the information up, just curious as to whether people maybe purposely hide it IRL to avoid dealing with the ignorance!

Several friends who get it for their DC have told me about it. I don’t think everyone treats it as a secret.

Yes I think if someone met DD in passing they would think she was okay.

Problem with DLA and PIP is the eternally thick think it's just about money.

However I don't think finances should be discussed with anyone outside it. I find it weird when people talk about how much money they've got coming in

Beyond family, really close friends and maybe other parents who have children with the same condition who you know via school/support groups why would anyone need to know?
I wouldn't deny it (well it's PIP now she's 18) but I don't go around announcing it.

Depend upon how keen you'd be to see a post here describing him and you to a T so that anybody who knew you could recognise you both. But saying you're faking it for benefits/the attention and you're abusing him.

I mean, my son is profoundly and obviously disabled so I think people would be more surprised if he wasn’t getting it. He will never live independently, needs 2:1 carers etc - I have no problem telling people that he gets DLA because even the high rate doesn’t come close to covering the costs of his needs.

We get high rate care and mobility for our son; only my parents know, that was my DH choice as he didn't think his Dad or sister would approve.

My DH is now a carer for my son and gets carers allowance as he's given up work to helps our son who has a place in an LCSC.

My salary is six figures and I know other family and friends would judge so we don't mention DLA or carers allowance. Our son also has a blue badge and we have applied for council tax reduction based on one of our rooms at home being converted into a "regulation room" for him. My son is entitled to these benefits, and I pay enough tax as it is.

People may not like that attitude but it allows us to comfortable, and pay for things for our son which makes his life better.

We’re waiting for our claim to be assessed. Whilst I’ve mentioned applying to a handful of people, I’m unlikely to broadcast it. DS has very high support needs BUT they are social-emotional and present as behavioural a lot of the time. I think to the average bystander it would seem like ‘getting extra money for a naughty child’ rather than enabling us to access therapy, adapt the environment to his needs, and have a little bit extra for respite (I can’t just hire any old babysitter for example).

I honestly don’t know what you’re trying to say here.

Slightly different, but most people aren’t aware that I receive PIP.

Sadly, so many able-bodied people are completely oblivious to their privilege, so anybody who claims to be disabled - unless they are extremely obviously so - must be lazy, lying/exaggerating, or committing fraud - be it for actual money in benefits or for things like blue badges.

If you do qualify for money, they see it as a big special bonus - and are often aggrieved that they don't get it as well. Totally unaware of the fact that the money isn't there to spend on luxuries and lovely treats, but rather to bring you slightly more level to people who don't have the same challenges in life that you have. It's amazing how many people will default to resenting 'their taxes' paying towards your needs as a disabled person, rather than counting their blessings that they themselves don't need any of the stuff and facilities that you need - much of it nobody would even actually want, if they didn't need it.

It's a huge disgrace that we have this situation, but it usually goes better for you if you just keep quiet about it and only mention it to others who are in the same boat. Otherwise, you'll be despised, mocked and accused. Even many of those who do believe you will translate that into an assumption that you're completely helpless/useless and - bizarrely - that your disability is somehow your identity or even your personal hobby.

I don't generally broadcast it, but tend not to discuss finances in general with anyone beyond a few close friends. It may come up, eg. If we are meeting friends somewhere that offers free carers tickets, but usually that's in the context of advising friends with similar kids which places offer which discounts.

Why would that happen? I am open about my son’s DLA and that has never happened to me.

I don’t go round broadcasting our finances (either earned income nor DLA) but if someone asks then I am honest about it. I am only ever asked in a supportive way anyway… like ‘I hope you claim DLA for him’.

My son gets DLA. About £500 a month. It covers his SEND sports activities and two hours of play therapy. Nobody knows he gets it. My finances are nobody else's business. I wouldn't discuss my salary or any other finances with them so DLA is no different.

I don't talk about my son receiving DLA but it is fairly obvious considering his needs and the Motability car that appeared.

We get high rate dla for ds aged 14 and the highest rates of PIP for me, ongoing. We don’t tell anyone. Absolutely no one. You only have to read the comments in the media to see what people think about disabled people - especially those with motability cars. I don’t need that kind of judgement in my life and I’d be constantly worried someone would - unfairly - report me (I have 5 chronic health issues under 5 different specialists so it wouldn’t go far but you never know)! Everyone thinks dh just earns a lot more than he actually does and that’s why we get a new car every few years.

it always amuses me on the goady threads where people say they don’t know anyone who claims it - they could be in our circle and would never know.

The only people I’ve told are friends who I think might not know (Edit - and who have a child who might appreciate some extra help). I didn’t know about it for many years and it would have helped a lot when my daughter was younger. We didn’t get it until she was 12. I’m not ashamed or anything, I also don’t talk about my salary or mortgage payments or most things regarding money.

I get legacy DLA for mobility (because I am over pension age) and would never reveal it to the likes of neighbours or randoms. I don't discuss my finances with others.

If I had a child on DLA I would certainly never reveal it. The less other people know about you the better.