Aibu forgot my birthday again!

[Birthdayrage]

I am probably being unreasonable, my birthday is in 3 days and I think my partner has forgotten again.

Needed to rebook a medical online appointment today, DP has been hassling me to rebook. They only had 8.30pm on my birthday available.
DP says well it’s not like we have any plans, and you won’t forget with it being in the evening (I forgot the last one as it was in the morning.)
So he’s evidently forgot it’s my birthday again.
He forgot the year before last and promised he wouldn’t forget again, we’ve been together twenty years!

AIBU to just book myself a spa day or something (god knows what as I have no friends) and go out all day & night by myself?

Then you reply with,
”What do you mean no plans? Have you not even booked a dinner reservation for my birthday, like I do for yours?”

You need to use your voice. You are an adult - speak up. Have the conversation, be clear that he hasn’t met the mark here and you need him to do better to show he appreciates you, the way you do things for him.

Yanbu to be upset, but why didnt you just point out that it was your birthday?

Moved away from friends & family for his job (they are to far away to invite). Never really made friends here have people I can talk too and have the occasional cuppa with, but not invite for birthday plans that would be weird. I’m autistic as well so doesn’t help!
Reminded him about my birthday when I said they only had that date available. Think I’ll book the cinema for myself & mooch around the shops in the city by us and he can watch DC for the day.

Oh, OP. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Partner, not husband.

Moved away to benefit him.

Doesn’t see the importance of anything that doesn’t benefit him.

You fill in the gaps.

I’m also going to assume you and the kids make a big fuss of his birthdays. And you sort out his family’s gifts, and Xmas, and everything else.

I would've just reminded him that the date suggested for the appointment is my birthday. Just in case he's forgotten. Works for me.

Well we spoke about it, he admitted he forgot it was my birthday and then got annoyed I wanted to spend the day mooching about the shops by myself and wants him & the kids to come which both hate shopping and will be too stressful. (baring in mind I watched the kids so he could go out drinking for his a few weeks ago!)
So guess I’m not doing anything now. Never mind always next year. 🤷‍♀️😂

Just tell him!!!!!! People forget stuff, it’s not great but as someone who just got a new phone and now is in shock at how little relative birthdays I know, I’d love a heads up if I could get one!!!

And so why would he bother to remember when there are no consequences to forgetting your birthday three years in a row?

Seriously… you just said, “ok, I’ll sit at home and do nothing with you then.”
You didn’t remind him that you watched the kids so he could go out on his birthday? You didn’t ask him to make another plan, or suggest going out for dinner?

You just meekly went, “oh, ok then.”

Sorry but, sometimes in life you get the treatment you deserve. If you can’t use your voice, or stand up for yourself and you constantly accept shitty behaviour then all you’ll ever receive is shitty behaviour.

Sorry just realised you told him. Do both! Mooch around but with a nice meal out in a place ye all like or a place ye all enjoy. I know you’re probably at a feck it point but you’ll feel crap and argue after. Do stuff ye all like and make it a good day

I had this situation. I would, every year ask for my present to be for him to book something for us: a nice meal out or activity. It literally never happened.

Then I started to do this for his birthday ( go to places/ restaurants that I wanted to go to). Now I have started to book my own nice restaurant on my birthday and not do booking for his. He is not interested in eating out unless I organise it, so I just do it for my own birthday. Still annoying, but at least I get part of what I want on my birthday.

Nope, tell him he will not be coming to your planned day out, there's no reason to cancel because of a crap boyfriend.

Does the relationship really enhance your life? He sounds like a boring drain on you.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it comes across that you are content to have a pity party. Did you actually want to go cinema and shops by yourself ? Or did you want to go out with your partner ? If the shops is too stressful with the kids why did the conversation stop there !?! I’d say I’m really happy you want to join me but I think it would be stressful with the kids, what else can we do ? I don’t want to do nothing for my birthday, it makes me feel sad and like I don’t matter. Can we please do something that is either fun for the whole family or can we get a sitter and go for dinner or drinks or to a gig or spa day etc. Spell out exactly what you want otherwise I can predict some disappointment for you next year as well !

But he is getting on at you to book a medical appointment so there is care there. Not excusing laziness in his birthday planning

I never understand posts like this.. I talk to my husband constantly about my birthday and his and what we’re doing for it. I couldn’t imagine not talking about an upcoming birthday?!

Do the kids get you presents? Let him be annoyed.

My birthday is coming up soon and I've been talking for weeks about where I might like to be taken to for dinner that day! I just don't understand this passiveness on your part, OP.

Someone else said "Sorry but, sometimes in life you get the treatment you deserve. If you can’t use your voice, or stand up for yourself and you constantly accept shitty behaviour then all you’ll ever receive is shitty behaviour." I think that is exactly right.

OP if you’re going to stay with this man then please for the love of god stop doing ANYTHING for his birthday. Clearly he doesn’t care about birthdays otherwise he’d plan something lovely for yours, or at least bloody remember it. But given he doesn’t care, why should you plan anything for his birthday?

FFS woman, tell him!

"I watched the kids so you could go out drinking on your birthday. It is your turn to watch the kids so I can go shopping. If you want to bring them, and you along too, because you don't want to parent your own children then we have a bigger conversation to have than just you forgetting my birthday"

Don't cave to any emotional blackmail that he wants to be with you to celebrate your special day, oh and the kids too, all there to celebrate you of course. No. He doesn't want to deal with the kids on his own.

And don't put up with any mum guilt that somehow if you don't want to drag whiny children round the shops you don't love them, or aren't a good mother. I'm sure he wasn't doubting his dad abilities whilst necking his pints!

But you know what never mind next year I suppose laughing emoji gets you?? Drudgery, default parent and shit birthdays! In which case I have no sympathy. Frankly you need to get him told or stop moaning. He has zero incentive to change if you put up with it.

We teach people how to treat us.
Utter madness to move away from your supports for a man like this.

Go And mooch in the shops by yourself. Buy a cake on your way home. Tell dp to organise a take away. Celebrate with your family.