Aibu forgot my birthday again!

[Birthdayrage]

I am probably being unreasonable, my birthday is in 3 days and I think my partner has forgotten again.

Needed to rebook a medical online appointment today, DP has been hassling me to rebook. They only had 8.30pm on my birthday available.
DP says well it’s not like we have any plans, and you won’t forget with it being in the evening (I forgot the last one as it was in the morning.)
So he’s evidently forgot it’s my birthday again.
He forgot the year before last and promised he wouldn’t forget again, we’ve been together twenty years!

AIBU to just book myself a spa day or something (god knows what as I have no friends) and go out all day & night by myself?

“No plans? It’s my birthday that day so I hope there are plans.”

Havent you and him discussed any potential plans in advance?

I never understand these posts. Why wouldn't you just mention it?

When my birthday is coming up I usually say 'oh it's my birthday next week/in a few days/on Friday. Shall we go out for dinner/drinks/etc' it's such a normal thing to come up in conversation. Why all the secrecy about it? Why are you waiting for it to come around then you can be disappointed?

Were you expecting a birthday evening surprise? Does he normally do that?

When he said you won't have any plans why didn't you say well it's actually on my birthday. Why?! I don't get it. If it's a test he clearly failed already as he did last year.

I literally said it was my birthday that day & he blanked that part of the conversation. I always ask him about what he wants to do on his birthday at least a week before, yet mine it’s never a thing. Every year I have to plan it and I’m sick of it,

No, he doesn’t. I always have to plan my birthdays. It would be nice for him to say oh i’ve booked dinner & drinks that evening but nope. Just feel like I don’t matter.

I don’t really understand why you didn’t say something? I would have instantly piped up and said ‘Urm it’s my birthday and I want some slightly more fun plans than a medical appointment thank you!’ THEN if he still forgot you’d have some grounds to be pissed off!

By not saying anything it’s turned it into a bit of a trap where you’re lying in wait to confirm he forgot. You can of course do that and you may indeed be proven right, but I’d wager whatever brief satisfaction you get, won’t beat the potentially nice birthday you could have, had you just openly spoken about your birthday when you had the chance to.

It’s not too late btw. Just say - when you told me to book at appointment I think you forgot it’s my birthday that day. After what happened last time, I’ll be disappointed if you forget the day itself, especially since I’m pointing it out now.

Tell him now so he’s got the chance to book something and buy a present. Put the date in his phone and set an alert to repeat every year and then work out how you’re going to make some friends because it’s a bit tragic that there’s no one else to make a fuss of you. I hope you have a lovely day

You don't have to plan it? You remind him it's your birthday in advance and clearly tell him what you want to do, he plans it. If he really doesn't want to do it, you can't make him, but you can take on what he's telling you, he doesn't care, you then decide if that's a deal breaker, don't wait till your birthday to tell him, your only increasing your chances of not getting what you want, that's self sabotaging

Tell him you want him to take you out for dinner assuming you don’t ned babysitters etc? Does he have money? Say what you’d like to do. If it’s a spa day, he can get you vouchers.

At the point he said there’s no plans you should have said excuse me it’s my birthday that day and I’m expecting a nice surprise so you best get your shit sorted out sausage! You can’t not say anything and then be offended when he doesn’t do anything!

Why does she have to remind him when her birthday is? It’s basic information someone you live with should know. What if OP is admitted to hospital unconscious and the person she lives with can’t even give her date of birth!

I’m interested in the Venn diagram of men who can’t remember their partner’s or children’s birthdays but can somehow remember when it’s the start of the premier league or start of F1. Bet it’s near enough an overlapping circle.

Start looking at getting some friends OP. Make your own plans for your birthday but stop planning anything for his. Before anyone adds the ‘pretend not to plan anything for a big surprise’ that’s equally shit. Why do you want your partner to spend a week before their birthday feeling unloved and unvalued?

Obviously make sure you book the appointment as that is more important.

I would just ask him outright what he’s planned for my birthday.

I don’t think people should make big deals out of their birthdays but I think it’s the absolute bare minimum for a partner to simply ask if there’s anything they want to do for it.

They don’t even have to put barely any effort in and try and come up with anything spontaneous, just a simple “your birthday is coming up, is there anywhere you want to go or do?”

I think it speaks volumes for how much someone cares about you.

This may read harshly but I don't understand these posts at all. Why do some people think that their spouse remembering their birthday is like some test of love they have to pass? Just remind him and indicate what you'd like to do.

DH and I have been together 30 years, about 3 months before my last birthday I said to him I'm like to go to Barcelona for my birthday. He agreed that would be nice - I booked the hotel, he booked the flights. We had a fab time. During the weekend he booked a nice restaurant he thought I'd like as a surprise.

Compare that to deliberately keeping it quiet and then being upset because nothing happened - just tell him what you'd like and be done with it!

How did he blank you when you said that it’s your birthday? How does that even happen in a conversation?
“It’s my birthday that day” and then what? Nothing else was said

Just go and speak to him; tell him that he needs to organise something and that forgetting your birthday is totally unacceptable.

FFS why do so many grown women play these games??

Just tell him.

Not everyone remembers these things so commination is key, unless you're excited at the idea of playing the sad victim when the day arrives?

ETA: I see you did tell him and he blanked you.

In which case organise a night out with friends.

Literally he said nothing when I said about my birthday, just well at least you’ll remember and be free at 8.45pm as we don’t have anything planned that day.
Maybe I’m just raging.. I said to him yesterday would like to take DC out today he agreed, then didn’t wake up till gone 11am and by then it’s to
bloody late as half the day is gone! (And Yes I woke a grown man up early and he went back to sleep.)

Just go yourself with the dc. No way I’d be hanging round waiting. Who are these people who stay in bed so late? Was he on shift til the wee hours or something?

Why are you booking adult man’sappointment?

Stop doing his birthday. Do exactly what he did for your last one.

Stop waiting for him to go out with the kids. Just go. Don’t let this lazy excuse of a father dictate their day.

One last thing- at least one day a week just go out yourself for a couple of hours. Leave him in charge.

Well you know to not bother with his birthday next year then dont you he clearly doesn't value them

I think the appointment is for OP?

When he said no plans just say yes, I want plans. It’s my birthday. You can make early plans so you’re still free for the appointment.
If it’s that difficult, I really hope you don’t do anything for his birthday.
Go out for the day, yes d

I'm not sure I understand at which point you reminded him it was your Birthday - before of after he said "it's not like we have any plans".

Either way - 1) he forgot and then 2) even when you told him he dismissed it.
So he doesn't care about you at all.

Why don't you have any friends?

Well he doesn't sound very nice.