AIBU to feel ashamed for begging my partner not to leave?

[TheOpalFox]

My partner of 4 years left me yesterday and I begged for him back I’m so so so stupid aren’t I?
he said no anyway :(
but why am I begging a man to be with me why 😰😤

You're not stupid, you're upset, you have an attachment that's been ripped off unexpectedly.
But you can heal and get through this. Be very kind to yourself.

You are thinking of the future you have all planned in your head. You don't want to lose it.

But after the initial upset has passed, be aware that if he has checked out of the relationship "publically" to your face, he already planned this for some time, and made his mind up back then.
It is fresh and raw for you, you've had no time to process it, so don't feel any shame at all.
💐

What a shock for you. Yanbu reacting like that. Dont beat yourself up.

Make a plan 💪

Absolutely as PP say, do not beat yourself up, please. You responded to a major shock by hoping, in this case verbally, that it wouldn’t happen; there’s nothing to be ashamed of about that.
Take time to process, take great care of yourself, and all will be well in time.

We've all been there darling. It's not embarrassing it's just shock.

You’re in shock at the moment which is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.
You now have a choice going forward in how to respond, react and grow going forward. when my ex of 13 years left me I was in shock and an emotional mess as I didn’t think I could cope on my own! Who would I go to the cinema with? Who would fix my car? Who would I go on holiday with? Well I went to the cinema on my own, found a man to fix my car and went on holiday with friends and family! My now DH loves my independent streak and that he doesn’t have to babysit me or remember to get my car serviced!
You’re a brave woman who will get through this and be stronger in the other side!

Oh OP please don't beat yourself up over this! You were shocked and upset and it's a completely natural reaction. Give yourself time and kindness, you will reach a point where you don't want him back. Do reach out to your friends and family for support. It feels devastating now but you will be ok, one day at a time. Sending hugs 💐

You're in shock and it's a totally normal reaction! Do not feel ashamed.

@TheOpalFox it’s a natural reaction if you didn’t want this outcome.

What reason has he given for the split?

I feel
sick :(

My anxiety is too much for him

Your not stupid your dealing with shock and hurt and scared. These are all absolute normal responses. Time will heal go non contact and force yourself to stay calm & strong. Time will heal you reach out to friends & here for support. We have all been in your position so sending a hug 🤗

There's a current thread, 4 threads actually, called something like Blindsided by DH, and There We Are Then, by a poster in the same position but with 4 kids, which you may find helpful/inspiring. Hope you're ok

OP, since most of your threads tend to centre around your MH issues, are you getting any help for them?

Well he’s not the one for you then. Better to know now rather than in 10 years time. Good luck in finding your soul mate.

We’ve all been there! You will be fine.
In a years time your life will be very different. Probably better than being with him.

Stay calm and dignified. No more begging. Block him on all social media. If no kids, just shut him down. Your time to shine. Keep busy, get therapy for your anxieties.

Keep the faith, stay single for a while, you’re going to be fine.

I know it's really hard but cut off all contact now. I found some of my break ups very painful. Big hugs. You will be just fine, just think of today only.. don't look too far ahead. Keep yourself busy. This too shall pass x

It feels so shit now, but one day it will be a distant memory. Get on with your life without him and don't wait for him to come back.

Your reaction to losing something you didn't want to end is entirely understandable. You have done nothing to be ashamed of. It's something that has happened to most of us. ❤️

Never be ashamed of loving someone and being hurt. You now take steps to heal and mend your heart. Be kind to yourself and cosy up with some self-care. Do you have a friend or family member you can meet up with for consolation? You can keep posting here.

Just don't beg again!

I've begged and I've been begged OP, there's often one party that is really hurt/didn't see it coming. It's just a very difficult thing, especially after 4 years together. Be kind to yourself.

Are you getting help with the anxiety OP? - not for him, for you.

Honestly I felt like that once op, then I was alone by choice for a good while and it was so good for me, I learned that I needed to be happy alone and fill my life with things not just a relationship and make sure I'm not going to be dependent on a man for anything, and that's what I did. When I did then get with someone else, I actually feel quite secure now that if the worst came to the worst, yes I'd be upset of course, but I would be fine. I was fine before he came along and il be fine if he fucks off. Obviously you feel shattered op, it is heartbreaking, but trust me you will build yourself back up and this time next year he will be a distant memory I promise! Just start filling your life with your friends family, hobbies, work, whatever it is that you want to do. You can Do it!!

OP the only thing you can do is go completely no contact. Which means blocking him and not responding to any contact of any type at all. Do this for at least 3 months.

Take your power back OP

If this is the case truly maybe you should work on yourself lovely before u get into anything else x

You’re shocked and upset. Please be kinder to yourself.