AIBU to raise a school safeguarding concern after a child’s comment?

[Beula82]

I was at an end of term school picnic with my eldest son. Breastfeeding my baby and a 5 year old girl sibling of his classmates asked what I was doing. I explained baby is drinking milk which my body makes. Don't know child well but she likes my dog so tends to latch on to our family when we see her out and about. Grandad takes her to school, seen mum once, never seen dad.

She then said, roughly verbatim, in a giggle and a whisper, do you want to know about a funny video? (I said yes). There's a funny video of me pretending to drink milk from my daddy. But it was yucky as he has a hairy nipple.

The semi secretive way she shared this and the fact it's a video made me feel uncomfortable. AIBU to raise with school as a safeguarding concern?

When she was a baby? My kids tried to latch onto anyone with nipples at some point, including their dad (and his chin, his nose…) so no, I wouldn’t think that was a safeguarding issue.

I was ready to type yes, as even small issues can build a picture.

This however, wouldn't cross my mind?

Hmm. I can just about see a strange family thinking this was funny if for example her Mum was BF a baby sibling at the same time BUT that’s a big stretch even for my life-experienced brain. Given there’s a video (which in my wild scenario above may only be seen within their family) I would report and let school decide what to do with it. Just email what she said to you and say it made you feel uncomfortable and you wanted to pass it on.

I did wonder if it was more what @PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregistersaid, ie child was a baby at the time- but she said ‘me pretending’. I tend to be an err on the side of caution person in these things but it will be interesting to see what others think.

Don't see what's wrong with that at all. Babies try to latch onto anything...

I would report and let school deal with it. It could be entirely innocent as in trying to latch onto Dad as a baby, but just in case it isn't report.

No it wasn't as a baby, the way she said it made it sound like it was recent and she was pretending to drink milk.

Not a judgement you need to make.
Call it in. The school will pick it up.
If it's nothing, all good.
If its something... they will action it.
Always report. Too much information is always the right choice.

Oldest latched onto me - I was wearing a T shirt and it hurt!!

I personally don’t think this is necessarily an alarm bells kind of thing. My 2 yo still breastfeeds and has a couple of times pretended like he was going to latch on to dad and giggled and it was just a sweet funny moment so it could be something like that.

How do you know it wasn’t as a baby? In what way did she say it?

Honestly I would - school will know the full picture. You cannot know. But yes I agree is weird.

Go ahead if you would like to but it is most likely to be a video she’s been shown of her as a baby.

If something makes you wonder if you should report it as a safeguarding concern then yes always report it to school, if it needs further investigation they can put that into action, if it’s innocent then no harm done.

I would report it given that you’re not sure if it is a video of her being younger and trying to latch on to dad. Given she seems to recall it was hairy and she didn’t like it it would seem she was older but she could just be saying that as the video shows he had hairy nipples. Report it and the trained DSL at the school can decide what action to take.

Report it and let people who are trained in safeguarding make the call on this rather than you.

Long time teacher and usually the first to call out parents exaggerating, but if I were you I would mention this to the class teacher. I wouldn't jump in asking for meetings with safeguarding lead, but presuming they are same class or same year group it wouldn't hurt to mention to the teacher.

How has she made it sound like it was recent? The way you told it doesn’t make it sound like any type of timeframe.

Also the way she said what are you doing as opposed to I know what you’re doing as there’s me pretending to do the same makes it sound like she’s not sure what she is recalling.

Why school and not ask the parent she was presumably with? You would have cleared that up in no time.

What words did she say that made it sound recent?

To those asking about it being recent, she recalled it with a screwed up face saying "it was" or possibly "it felt" yucky, as though it was in recent memory. She also didn't seem to know what breastfeeding was so that's what made me uncomfortable - like this had made her recall the experience but that she hadn't recollected it in the context of her as a baby breastfeeding.

My AIBU was whether I was overreacting to report it but I feel reassured that it's not, and I can leave any action up to others who are trained in safeguarding.

There were no parents with her, just her 9 year old sister.

The general rule is that if you're wondering whether to report something, then you should, and let someone with training and a bigger picture deal with the decision if what to do about it. You know this girl and it made you feel like you wanted to tell someone who could help her if there's more to it than just a silly story or a half-remembebred video, so that's what you should do.

This.

I’m still breastfeeding my two year old and we all (DH, 8 year old, 9 year old, AND the 2 year old) laugh about instead having ‘Daddy’s milk’ as he’s so hairy and how yucky it would be. It’s so hot recently he’s topless during the heatwave more so than usual.

Absolutely shocked it’s so overwhelmingly seen as a safeguarding issue… I knew we were in the minority as long term breastfeeders but had no idea the joke is no longer funny if there isn’t a newborn around (we find it hilarious). Also surprised that the child saying ‘what are you doing’ is such hard proof she’s not around a breastfeeder. My kids would definitely still ask what someone is doing as at schools you really don’t see breastfeeding that often. Also if video is from a few years ago they may forget their mum did the same and they all joked about it.

Always, always, always trust your gut instinct on these things. If it’s innocuous it’s v easily and quickly explained away , if it adds to a v long pattern of just not quite right or slightly strange things at school it helps to create a full picture. Schools are extremely well trained in these things and as long as you report it clearly without any bias or supposition ( ie try and explain / remember exactly what she said and in the context of the circumstances) you are just looking out for a child’s best interests, which is vital !