Do you get jealous if your man talks to other women on nights out?

[Aliceinwonderland75]

I have no worries that my dh is cheating at all. He's not showing any signs of cheating, and I do trust my gut that he's not cheating.
The problem lies with me. I secretly feel insanely jealous if he talks to other women on nights out, even if he chats with my friends. He's not even flirty with them. I know it's because an ex from many years ago was flirty on nights out and ended up cheating on me.
I'm being ridiculous aren't I. Men and women are allowef to, and capable of, talking to each other on nights out. I wish I could stop feeling so possessive.

No absolutely not although i would have a problem with flirting. No issue with fun banter but that can cross into flirting i suppose.

Yes, because I don’t live in some sort of grim segregated society where it’s assumed that men and women can have no reason to communicate beyond reproduction.

Jealousy itself is a secondary emotion. It's an emotion caused by another emotion.

Usually either envy - This person has something I wish I had, so I am jealous of them

Or fear - I have something, and I'm scared of it being taken away.

Or Anger - This thing is mine, how dare she expect me to share it.

You're not going to be able to deal with the jealousy without getting to the root of the primary emotion that's triggering it.

In your case, I'm guessing it's fear. You already have the thing (a relationship with your partner), so it's not going to be envy. And angry people tend to think their jealousy is justified, so it's unlikely to be that.

So the question is, what are you scared of? What is it about your partner talking to others is it that triggers you. Is it to do with worries about his faithfulness, your own self esteem, or something thats not right about the relationship itself.

Thats your starting point, and then start digging from there.

I don’t think that’s the norm no. I couldn’t care less if my dh talks to my friends or women we are out with . Why would you be worried about him talking to your friends ? What do you think will happen ? It does sound a bit controlling .

Fuck me OP.

You studied a photo this closely??

Have you sought any counselling?

I quite like it. Makes me fancy him more. I'm clearly not well 😂

I think it depends. If he approached a woman specifically to try and talk to her I wouldn’t like it (although if he was out with friends I doubt I’d know tbh).

We often go out with a mixed group of friends, mostly couples, and I don’t care who he talks to there. We’ve known them all years and years, we go to parties/weddings etc and all the couples mix and dance, chat and laugh with whoever and it’s all fine.

Similarly on work nights out, he definitely talks to women as the majority of his colleagues are female. I think it’s the same as me, you talk to the people you know, whether they’re men or women.

With my friends I’m glad he talks to them - some of husbands aren’t overly friendly and it’s bloody awkward for me. Only real downside is that he’s always Mr Perfect Husband for those 5 minutes so my friends think he’s great - quite irritating if I want to moan about him.

OP you need to do whatever will help you move past this, it isn’t fair to either of you otherwise. He can’t not talk to women because you don’t like it and you shouldn’t be so stressed about it as that’s not nice either.