AIBU to let my nearly 13 year old cook family meals?

[Madhouse02]

DD nearly 13 is a genuinely a great cook. I should add incase you claim I’m gloating that she is not your high flying academic child and although is well behaved at school and works hard she academically struggles in some areas and she is also not a talented dancer / gymnast or anything like that. She struggled much of her younger years and has some additional needs.
a few years ago she took up baking and then cooking and she really enjoys it and is a far better cook than me 😂
she can be your usual sluggish slow to move teenager and getting her to do chores was often like asking her to sell her soul.
she now takes control of all dinners in the house and cooked breakfasts on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
there is currently 5 kids in the house although usually 4.
she does the online food shop as she knows what she needs ingredient wise etc
apart from her own bedroom and taking her own clothes down to laundry she does no other chores.
she does help out with the animals.
she gets 100.00 allowance a month.
she is free to do what she pleases on weekends and holidays - goes out with friends / family trips and she 100 percent does not miss out on anything she is extremely lucky in some ways.
she has improved with her cooking and tries new receipts for us and although I did supervise for a long time now she is pretty much on her own.
last Sunday my brother and sister in law was over for dinner which daughter prepared and they were shocked that I had her cooking everyone dinner after daughter explained she is in charge of food 😂 I suppose it didn’t sound great when she said it like that. After we explained they still couldn’t get there head around that I never cook for the kids and it’s my daughter but I see it has a positive thing for her.
she is getting better and mastering the skill. She is not in the kitchen 24/7 and has very little other expectations.
she never ever looks after her siblings and only if she wishes to for extra money would she be told she has to.
is this not acceptable for a nearly 13 year old ?

My dd was a great cook from an early age too. I think prompted by that fact I hate cooking. I just let her get on with it. There was no expectation. We just enjoyed the benefits of her growing skills.

She’s at uni now and still has gourmet tastes! What she can produce from a basic budget and some basics from Lidl is very impressive.

bit much, I'd worry she will fall out of love with it in a year or something. and 100pcm is wild. what is she spending that on at 12!

How did you go about it? I have tried with my DS13 but he seems to find everything complicated.

I had to cook for my younger siblings from when I was 10 as my single mum worked late shifts. I liked feeling responsable and playing mum in her absence so it was fine.

I think it's good that she has the skills and motivation at 13, and you have the confidence in her to let her cook, something I never had when I was younger. At that age, it would stand them in good stead for when they go to uni or leave home, and helpful with you having younger children or if you were working full time or unwell. I wouldn't rely on her totally and not at the expense of schoolwork, hobbies or going out with friends.

We have hellofresh in the week so we all choose meals and in theory you cook the meal you have chosen.
DS1 is 19 and home from uni - he cooks a couple of nights a week, DD is 18 and cooks 2-3 nights a week, she really likes to cook and bake is so often found in the kitchen creating something. DS2 is 15 and cooks maybe once a fortnight. He does actually like cooking but would rather be on the PC!
They all take it in turns to do the dishwasher and bines/ recycling etc and responsible for keeping own rooms tidy.

DD has said lots of her friends don't know how to cook etc, once girls mum still makes her cereal/toast for her in the mornings - DD doesnt know how half of them will cope when they go off to uni in september!

Sounds to me like she is loving it and it works for your family with your son washing up after and possibly the other 2 also contributing. Sounds like you have brought up a good kid and makes sense for her to add her ingredients to your food shop as she knows what she needs......enjoy.

Sounds excellent - but does she have scope for days off and has she picked up on ways to do dinner quickly when she doesn't have the energy for anything elaborate?

Also have a look at the National Extension College - there may well be a qualification she can work towards in cooking to reflect her skills that's not available at school.

Absolutely it's acceptable, you are not forcing her, she is doing something she loves, learning to organise and budget, Sounds like a win all round

My Dd had this too, it covered her clothes, toiletries, going out with friends etc, much cheaper than taking her shopping or out for lunch, it worked well for us

Oh op how lucky are you. That’s amazing doing the family cooking and I think your relatives probably just thought what a 13 year old cooking our dinner but it’s a great talent to have and if she’s careful in the kitchen with hot appliances knives etc then good for her. You can always say to her that if she doesn’t want to cook you will take over or if she wants a break then that is fine tell her that she is not under any obligation or pressure to do this all the time. Then tell her how amazing her cooking is and how proud you are of her. There will be plenty of moms on here a bit green with envy.

A McDonald’s meal is £9, swimming £5, public transport, cinema, drinks and snacks, £25 could easily be spent in a day by a 13 year old let alone a week

Mine love cooking too though they’re not quite at the age where they can do it completely unsupervised.
i think it’s great if she loves it, it’s no different from someone who loves football or dancing practicing and training several times a week if it’s her special interest. Where else would she be able to do that.
i might offer to pay for some cookery lessons or something too
people that find their talent and passion early often make great careers out of them.
a friend of mine chefs in private yachts and her life is pretty amazing really. Nothing wrong with cooking if you love it.

Good for her!

My 13yo is getting a bit more interested in cooking and at least I don't have to worry about him surviving the day while I'm at work. He wants to do cooking for his D of E skill in the autumn which will expand his repetoire and skills.

We won't mention his tidying skills after... nor his older brother (very ND) who will quite happily go all day on air...

Your DD was me at around 11/12 years old onwards I cooked for the family a few times a week. Told my parents the ingredients I needed and we either shopped together or they got them. Loved doing it. And still love cooking to this day.
in fact I wish it’d have been a career for me. Too late now…mid sixties.

I think a 12year cooking is excellent and good for her. Id just be making sure she was allowed a night off from it if she wanted but otherwise I think its great for confidence independence and family bonding

I think its great personally, specially of she enjoys it. I have a just turned 13 year old who cant even use the airfryer, autistic but academic. So the day to day things she just cant do (does keep her bedroom freakishly tidy though), and does bring laundry downstairs. Give that kid a maths equation that your scratching your head at and she will solve it.
I also have an 11 year old daughter who is capable in the kitchen, so then opposite of her sister. Not as good as your daughter and really depends how she feels about her sister on the day if she will make her food 🤣. But tomorrow we are literally making her favourite meal together so I can teach her how to do it. Cooking is such a skill, and its amazing your daughter enjoys putting recipes together and doing it for the family. So many great family moments are around a dinner table.
We all have our skills and its great your daughter has that one. I think aslong as everyone is genuinely happy with the arrangement then just leave as is.

No I think it’s nuts. Nothing wrong with her cooking sometimes but all meals including twice on Saturday and Sunday? . In a year or two is she going to be putting off homework because you’re all expecting dinner on the table ?

I started cooking dinner for my family at 10 yrs old (with a bit of help). Was fully able to make my own meals and those for others by 12 or so. And I had a bunch of others chores too, so yeah I think it's fine.

So much utterly irrelevant detail in the Op
basically… ok for my teen to occasionally cook?

um. Yes

she is not in the kitchen 24/7

well that’s good to hear 😕

Has anyone indicated to you in RL that this isn’t reasonable @Madhouse02 ?

I was going to stay it sounds fine, like other posters have said as long as she knows she can stop if it becomes too much e.g. school gets tough/exams come round. For that reason if I were you I'd keep my hand in by doing one or two nights a week.

You've answered the ages of the children and they are a lot younger, my other point was going to be to make sure they don't miss out on cooking because big sister does it all. The gaps big enough that it shouldn't be an issue but I've seen the eldest sometimes get to learn the responsible stuff and the (not much younger ones) miss out. I'd just watch out for that if you see patterns emerging where the siblings are closer in age.

This is one of those weird threads where the Op includes LOADS of irrelevant detail.

It would appear absolutely no one has indicated to her in RL that this is unreasonable

It would appear the Op doesn’t think she’s being in the least bit unreasonable herself

So begs the question… why?

I think doing the cooking is fine as long as she knows that if there’s a night she doesn’t want to then you’ll take over.
I think doing the online shop is a step too far as you’re making her financially responsible for some of the household budget.
What does her brother do other than wash up? He seems to have checked out of household chores so it’s not really teaching him anything good how the larger parts of household chores should not be for the women and girls to do by default. It would also serve him well to learn to cook!