AIBU to let my nearly 13 year old cook family meals?

[Madhouse02]

DD nearly 13 is a genuinely a great cook. I should add incase you claim I’m gloating that she is not your high flying academic child and although is well behaved at school and works hard she academically struggles in some areas and she is also not a talented dancer / gymnast or anything like that. She struggled much of her younger years and has some additional needs.
a few years ago she took up baking and then cooking and she really enjoys it and is a far better cook than me 😂
she can be your usual sluggish slow to move teenager and getting her to do chores was often like asking her to sell her soul.
she now takes control of all dinners in the house and cooked breakfasts on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
there is currently 5 kids in the house although usually 4.
she does the online food shop as she knows what she needs ingredient wise etc
apart from her own bedroom and taking her own clothes down to laundry she does no other chores.
she does help out with the animals.
she gets 100.00 allowance a month.
she is free to do what she pleases on weekends and holidays - goes out with friends / family trips and she 100 percent does not miss out on anything she is extremely lucky in some ways.
she has improved with her cooking and tries new receipts for us and although I did supervise for a long time now she is pretty much on her own.
last Sunday my brother and sister in law was over for dinner which daughter prepared and they were shocked that I had her cooking everyone dinner after daughter explained she is in charge of food 😂 I suppose it didn’t sound great when she said it like that. After we explained they still couldn’t get there head around that I never cook for the kids and it’s my daughter but I see it has a positive thing for her.
she is getting better and mastering the skill. She is not in the kitchen 24/7 and has very little other expectations.
she never ever looks after her siblings and only if she wishes to for extra money would she be told she has to.
is this not acceptable for a nearly 13 year old ?

I think it’s fine - is she free this weekend by any chance. 🤣🤣

The only thing I’d add is that she ought really to do the other odd job around the house too - as otherwise she’s only doing the stuff she likes to do. But hats off to her, what’s her favourite dish?

this Changes rapidly and we all just go along for the ride 😂😂 doesn’t tend to be a favourite dishes more like different countries. At the moment we seem to be in a Japanese era !

This, how do her siblings feel about their mum/dad not bothering to make them dinner ever and leaving it up to their sister.

While its great she's learning to cook i dont think its great that her siblings are missing out on a sense of their parents caring for them in this aspect. I dont think she should be cooking all meals for the whole family.

It sounds very good! Encourage her.

I mean they don’t seem too traumatised about it at the moment. I pretty much run around like a headless chicken after them. Have never missed a school play, sports day, football match and eat with them a lot and we go out for family meals. I put them to bed, read them stories and as I said I never allow my older children to look after their siblings.

I had to make dinner for everyone at least twice a week from 12. Feeding oneself is the most basic and essential of life skills and I can't see a problem with making sure kids have had a few years' practice at it before they're 18 and maybe going off to university or whatever.

Of she enjoys it, and it’s not interfering with school work or activities it’s great. Offer to help her and let her know she can have a night off whenever she wants.

Op my son is 18 now and works as a part time cook in an old peoples home and loves it it’s a temporary job, he’s also cooked in pubs. He’s not a fancy chef type but he loves cooking and has done our meals from a a young age. I think it’s a fab skill for life and if she can be a bit fancy tell her it go and work on yachts!

They are crying out for chefs!!

I think your DD sounds great. I would want her to be aware of other jobs that need doing sometimes and if any of her siblings want to learn to cook she might have to share the role. She is going to find school cookery lessons a big disappointment!

I wouldn't expect her to cook all meals but I would enjoy her cooking. Sounds fantastic.

It sounds like this is a nice hobby for her and you all benefit.

As long as you're checking in regularly to make sure she's ok with how often she's cooking, I think it's a good thing.

I have one who likes to cook and one that likes to bake.

Most famous chefs will say they cooked from a young age, all the time she is happy to cook I would leave her to it.

Just a word of warning. I went through a period of this as a teen. At first everyone was thrilled, but in reality it was a symptom of an eating disorder. Preoccupation with food, cooking and shopping is really common. There’s an obsessive element, a need for control and an element of needing to feed others. I’m not saying this is your dd, but certainly something I’d be very alert too. Particularly if at any point, she stops eating the food she’s making or if you notice her dropping food groups eg. Carbs.

Do the other kids have chores?

I'm more surprised that a 12yr old gets £100 pm allowance 😂
Is this the going rate now 😮

😂 only on mumsnet

If she loves it, why not.

Same here. Mum worked full time, nobody knew when SD would finish work as SE.
SD was Hungarian too, so learned lots of lovely things from his Mum (not him 😂)
I don't think there's anything I couldn't cook, we had the old fashioned chip pan and I knew how to use it safely - after peeling and chpping the spuds.
If there was anything that needed using I'd be told in the morning what to cook or Mum would get some chops from the freezer or something.
I was paid £2.50 per week which rose to £5 at 15!

It was brilliant. I've hopefully passed some skills down too as we still only ate from scratch as so easy, but so much more choice.

Mum didn't care as long as dinner was ready when she got in at 6. If my brother hid the 3pm - 6pm shenanigans well 🤣

Step Dad Self Employed.

No microwaves then either - his dinner reheated over a pan of boiling water...
Tbh he'd come home via pub and didn't really care.

How old are her siblings? My worry would be that you've set up one chore for one child, but actually all children should learn to cook. I hate cooking although I'm ok at it: I wouldn't want one of my children to do all of it in the future, but would be happy for them to take turns with us (parents).

Sounds like a great opportunity for her her to be successful and appreciated for her talent and ability, when she is struggling in other areas. Could you point out to her that she is also doing a lot of maths in timing, quantities and budgeting and perhaps maths isn't that difficult?

My worry would be that you've set up one chore for one child...

Sounds like a hobby rather than a chore. If she's researching different types of cuisine and selecting the ingredients, she's actively interested, rather than just focusing on getting something on the table. And as pp said, if she struggles with academic subjects, it's very good for her to know that there is something she can do very well.

I think it’s fine but I think yabu about the way you wrote about her. Be proud of her and it’s excellent that she’s so talented. There was no need for all negative stuff.

Sounds brilliant … I hate cooking so would love this!

Get a grip.