How often dh goes out

[trampolinebounce]

I dont know if im jealous or if its a bit much.
5 DC 16,8,6,3 and 1.
Dh joined a club that meets every 2 weeks do an activity or whatever. But in between these theres other nights/odd weekend planned. When hes home he does his fair share of housework but not child care.

I hardly go anywhere and even if I did want to usually cant because of this.

1 year old is still breastfed and 3 year old is a handful. Teen is pretty good bar the odd screaming match hardly see her shes usually out with friends or in her room. They are not her kids so I try very hard for her to not be watching them. So it can be alot being on my own with 4 kids.

Last month was 17 out of 30 days.

Talk to your DH?

Why does your DH do no childcare? Everyone is entitled to a night off and time to themselves

Use your words and your actions

Wean your younger child. Deal with your toddler’s bad behaviour, find a hobby of your own.

Are they all his kids? Has he never done childcare, and if not why on earth did you have more?!

That aside, if it's not working for you you need to have a conversation about it. Being out of the house more than he's home can't be great for a relationship.

Reframe your words, it isn't childcare it is parenting. Are all 5 of the DC his? Why doesn't he parent? What have 5 DC with someone who doesn't parent?

If I had given birth to five children and the father wasn't at least pulling his equal weight I'd have a lot to say to him.

It's not the hobby, or the nights' out, it's the man.

I think more details are needed to form a proper opinion.
Are they all his kids.
Whose decision was it to have so many?
Do you both work and if so what are your hours?
Has he EVER done his share of childcare?

Yes, all good questions. As if why someone would have five children with someone who doesn't do any childcare at all?

Is he unreasonable to have a life? of course not.

Is he unreasonable to do no parenting? do you need to ask?
It's not a matter of can/ cannot, want/ want not, the kids are THERE. As a parent you look after them, it's not even a question.

Discuss with him the evenings or hours when you want to go out, or to join a club or whatever you want to do, it's not a favour to have 1 or 2 evenings off a week.

Or book a babysitter if DH doesn't do childcare.

At 1 year old you can leave them, you don't have to stop breastfeeding. Mine is nearly 2 years old and I'm still BF, and currently away on a work trip. Don't excuse your DH dealing with his own child's behaviour. I am assuming they are all his children as well.
You need to plan your own time away, me and DH each have a set night each week to go out, and we alternate between doing bedtime as well. It's fine if he goes out but you need an equal amount of time to go out or have a break.

I want to be sympathetic but at the end of the day, you're the one that decided to have 5 DC with someone that doesn't do an ounce of childcare. yikes

You can leave a breastfed one year old for a wee break no problem. No need to stop breastfeeding as someone suggested above. That isn’t an excuse for your husband not to do any parenting. I have 3 small boys and all were breastfed well into toddlerhood. That didn’t mean I could never leave or have any ‘me’ time at all.
Have you had a chat re you needing some breaks and some child-free time. Add up how much child-free hobby time he gets in a week.

As i said in the post dh joined a club before this it was all good. Hes not doing child care portion coz hes never here.

I have spoken to dh about it and he makes all the right noises but it never happens so just wondering if I should push more about it

So what parenting does he do? When he isn’t out?

No alot coz hes doing the shopping or cleaning to be fair. Or organising things for this said group. Or working

When hes home he does his fair share of housework but not child care.

You've asked him to and he makes the right noises, but doesn't actually do his fair share of care of the five children he's father to.

You could tell him that you don't get to be the father of five kids without doing any meaningful parenting and be considered a useful addition to the family. If he doesn't have the time for a hobby, and most women with five kids certainly wouldn't, then he doesn't have time for a hobby.

Set out together what you consider to be a fair share of the labour overall, and let him work out how he's going to fit it all in to his schedule.

What relationship do the DC have with him?

Are all the kids his?

You should both have some time off, and once every fortnight plus the odd other day is ok as long as you get it too. You say you are breastfeeding, so you could either express or give some formula. If you don't want to do either of those things it is up to you, but that would mean that short term (or however long you want to) you wouldn't get a child-free night.

All kids are his.

Why choose to have so many kids then complain you have no time to yourself?

Sounds like he is pulling his weight regarding housework and paid employment.
Maybe he feels he can't help with the youngest due to breastfeeding.

It also sounds like you were already facing these demands before adding further children into the mix. I think this is perhaps a post people should read when they are contemplating a third/more children.

There’s a distinct lack of detail here

hohby once every other week and then what inbetween? 1 night out? 5 nights out?

So you are the step mother?