AIBU to find my one child-free day disappears on chores?

[isthisaplum]

My older child is at school; youngest starts preschool in September. This gives me a day a week to myself; I was so excited.

But after a quick supermarket shop and catching up on housework the day has almost gone. I think my dreams of actually reading again, having a proper exercise programme and catching up with friends may have to wait.

Perhaps boarding school is the answer …

Seriously, anyone else found this?

Eh it depends on your standards! I started doing the supermarket shop at 8pm which was much quicker with no one else there and freed up an hour on my day off. I tend to try and split it 2 hours day-to-day chore, 2 hours bigger jobs e.g. sorting out outgrown clothes, and 2 hours for me so exercise, coffee with a friend etc.

You don't have to get it all done on your day off but it's pretty unfair if there's a lot left to do during family time.

Since going back to work after having my youngest I have worked 4 days. Since she started nursery I was so excited for my day to myself but it was always spent cleaning the house and I didn’t actually get my “me-time” other than watching an episode of tv while I ate my lunch. I’m actually going back to work full time after the holidays (promoted post and more hours so therefore better financially for our family) which I wasn’t looking forward to originally but now I think about it at least I won’t be spending that day cleaning any more!

I work full time Monday to Friday and am off in school holidays with my children. I never have a child free day. Surely you can do the shop online or clean when your children are there if free time without children is that much of a priority.

Get groceries delivered and do house work at other times. Make the time work for you.

Are you under pressure to be a ‘house wife’ on that one day ?

@Martyjake i get that; until now it’s what my life looked like, hence I was so excited for the day I was going to have! I am duly grateful for it (although you can ask for part time as I rather tartly have to remind my own colleagues from time to time!) but it is incredible how quickly it disappears!

@Leapintothelightning thats exactly what I found!

How often is your partner/husband doing supermarket shops and housework?

Don’t prioritise the chores. I mean, seriously! Don’t. I used to do my weekly Tesco order either on the train home from work or while sitting in with my youngest while he fell asleep at night. Other household tasks can be done evenings and weekends when there’s two of you home to do it. When I have a day off, I use it for long hikes or reading or gardening.

I am parenting alone

Tasks expand to fill time. If you didn't have the day off, you'd still get those chores done.

Is your partner working full time with an explicit or unspoken agreement that you work 80% and do 70% of domestic labour, so you feel obligated to do the weekly shop and main bulk of the weekly clean on your non working weekday?

If you don't feel you've entered into a deal like that with your spouse then try doing your stuff first - an hour of exercise, an hour and a half to read, have lunch whilst ordering online shopping then clean the house - you'll get it done quicker with time pressure to pick up the kids. Compromise but prioritise.

@mindutopia tbh the chores don’t take that long as i do try to keep on top of it daily but even so a quick putting away laundry and so on has to be done and it does make sense to do it when the children aren’t around. Today I dropped them off, home by 910, filled in some paperwork for HMRC, posted a letter, sorted the laundry, before I know it it’s midday,

It is peculiar as time definitely doesn’t go this fast at work!

@B206 it is very true re time. My mother us always used to say ‘if you want to get something done, ask a busy person!’

I see you're parenting alone so you're not obligated to balance anything with anyone else.

Do your stuff in the morning and chores after an early lunch.

The best thing is to try and fit chores into other days, or delegate/reallocate them so that you can use your day off as you see fit. Or use your day off for chores if you want and free up time on other days for other stuff. It's up to you.

I worked part time even after the children went to school, and got all the chores like shopping, cleaning, laundry done on my days off (DH and I shared the day to day like cooking, dishwasher, bedtimes etc). This left the weekends clear for quality family time, without trying to squeeze in the chores. Would it help you to frame it like that? That buzzing round getting the chores done during the working week buys you lovely chilled family time at the weekend - beach days, picnics in the park, bike rides, city trips etc?

I agree with this. Life is for living, do something for you on your child-free days.

That’s a lovely way of looking at it @dontmalbeconme - we aren’t quite at ‘lovely chilled family time’ yet but hopefully in the next few years we will be.

I use my day off mostly for me. I do some chores etc but mostly enjoy the day off. I’m a much better parent for having had some time to myself. Reframe it as investing in yourself so you are more productive the rest of the week. Keeping fit and healthy for the long game so you are around and well for as long as possible.

This is me. I genuinely barely have time to sit down to eat lunch - let alone do anything for ‘me’.

I'd mainly do chores on my day off, now and again I do a shopping trip or go to the cinema by myself.

I am actually starting to find that my day off is making me anxious 😟 not sure why. Debating whether to just work it now and do 5 days instead of 4.

Get shopping delivered on another day
Or
Do the shopping on a different day

Do chores on a different day

Go out of the home !

I don't do chores on my day off. I do whatever I want to do for the 6hrs my DD is in school. I do a food shop online for click and collect and do that on my way home from work on another day, and cleaning/tidying is done in the evenings after dinner and before I put DD to bed.

I had this for awhile. I allocated one day anyway month to forget chores and definitely do something generally out of the house. You will find a routine that works for you, even if it means doing a little extra sorting the evening before your day off.

Yes, makes sense though, as people who have professional cleaners seem to have them for hours-and you're presumably doing things they don't do as well, like house admin/tidying drawers.
No offence to anyone who cleans if you do these things too, I have never had a cleaner, just going off what people say.
OP, maybe you and your partner could nominate a number of hours per week where you each get time off to read or whatever, could be evening or weekend, and one of you has the kid and does anything necessary whlie the other relaxes.

I'm in the same situation- I dont go mad with chores and get a shopping delivery - also Audiobooks are your friend- you can clean and 'read'.

You should carve out time to do exercise and other things you enjoy though. Reducing the chores and getting a shopping delivery helps. I get an evening one when kids getting ready for bed and clear/clean the fridge while I'm waiting for it to arrive.

When I was younger I would get up at 6 spend two hours cleaning. Go to the gym get showered at the gym so I don’t mess up the bathroom. Have lunch and read all afternoon.