AIBU to be annoyed at husband about dislike for friends husband

[TrishMB]

Not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this and not sure what I want from this really but hear me out.
i have become very good friends with a school mum over the last year. We spent a lot of time together with our children and then we introduced our husbands who got on well and we spent a lot of time together as families, day trips, hosting dinners etc. I really enjoyed the dynamic and having friends with kids the same age etc. recently the 2 husbands had a run in. Nothing major, just a misunderstanding about a comment one made to the other. After a few weeks they finally apologised to each other vaguely over text message but still haven’t seen each other. My husband is now saying he doesn’t like the other guy and doesn’t want to spend time with them anymore. I’m really annoyed as I enjoyed our family friendships and I also don’t want it to impact my relationship with the other mum or the children to be affected. I guess I’m just asking what you would do in this situation?

On the surface your husband shouldn’t have to be around someone he doesn’t like. However, if he’s like my OH (and I hope he isn’t) then it’s any excuse not to like anyone which is pretty miserable. Does he have form for falling out with people? Could he be trying to sabotage your friendship a bit? If not, and he’s usually a decent guy then maybe the other man is a bit of a dick, just be friends with your own original friend. I can see why you would be a bit upset though if it’s been nice for the kids as well.

I'd just carry on meeting without my DH. You don't have to come as a pair.

Why can’t you meet the kids and mum out?

Tell them mummy dragged daddy into a friendship with someone he thinks is a pain?

People are allowed boundaries OP so this really depends on what was said to who.

It appears women are allowed boundaries men are to do whatever the woman wants

You just meet up without the husbands now it’s that simple.

If dh was mad I’d fallen out with another mummy so we not didn’t do big together family days I’d tell him I had stopped being a toddler many years ago so didn’t need someone to force friendships on me.

I'm afraid the answer is tough shit.

You cant force someone to be friends with someone else and I would be furious if it was me being coerced into spending time with someone I genuinely didnt like.

This doesnt have to be the drama you are making it out to be though - you can still spend time with your mum friend and all the kids whenever you like so its not like you can never see her again. You are just going to have to arrange meet ups slightly differently is all.

Thats just life- I cant stand my best friend's husband for example (for good reason) so I just meet up with her now.

What was the fall out over? It obviously wasn't trivial to your DH and I would re-evaluate the friendship, your DH might be right that there is something off. But nothing to stop you and the mum being friends if you want just keep the men out of it.

Nothing major, just a misunderstanding about a comment one made to the other.

Always notable when a major detail - the major detail, in fact - gets handwaved over vaguely, like there's nothing to see here. What was the comment? I can imagine both the husbands in that other thread about one woman slagging off the other's cooking saying exactly this.

Though actually regardless of the comment the answer is still that you can't do it anything about it because you can't make adults be friends with people they don't like.

You and the other mum plus kids were getting along fine before the men were introduced to each other. Go back to doing that.

I agree that the comment is the major detail we ought to know in order to give an honest response.

Widely, people will avoid those they aren't keen on and that's fine. Groups and couple friendships can be a strain for those who aren't feeling it. I understand your sense of loss though...when it works it's great.

I had an old friend from school days, been friends for ever and finally she got married and had twins. Me and my DH just couldn’t stand her new partner, and it was indeed very difficult. I saw her on her own, and that worked, but it meant I never really got to know her kids. She would stay at my house and enjoy it, but I couldn’t accept invites to her house, I was really concerned she’d easily see I thought her DH was an utter twat. It’s really hard to hide the fact you dislike somebody.. it’s going to be apparent to your kids, their kids, etc. Eventually the friendship has faded, it’s just not sustainable.