AIBU to be annoyed at husband about dislike for friends husband

[TrishMB]

Not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this and not sure what I want from this really but hear me out.
i have become very good friends with a school mum over the last year. We spent a lot of time together with our children and then we introduced our husbands who got on well and we spent a lot of time together as families, day trips, hosting dinners etc. I really enjoyed the dynamic and having friends with kids the same age etc. recently the 2 husbands had a run in. Nothing major, just a misunderstanding about a comment one made to the other. After a few weeks they finally apologised to each other vaguely over text message but still haven’t seen each other. My husband is now saying he doesn’t like the other guy and doesn’t want to spend time with them anymore. I’m really annoyed as I enjoyed our family friendships and I also don’t want it to impact my relationship with the other mum or the children to be affected. I guess I’m just asking what you would do in this situation?

There's not a lot you can do. Your husband doesn't have to spend time.with someone he doesn't like.

It shouldn't have to affect the children's friendship. Might be a bit awkward for you and the other Mum briefly but im sure that will pass.

Continue the friendship with the other mum and the kids.

Nothing. Would you want to feel bullied into staying friends with someone you dislike?

Just see your friend without partners.

Have a one-on-one friendship with the woman. You can go dragging people who don’t like one another into couple friendships just because it suits you!

@TrishMB how would you feel if you'd fallen out with the Mum in this situation and your husband was equally as dismissive?

The honeymoon period of having a new friend is over, and they've realised they're not actually that keen on each other. Leave them be, they don't have to force it to make their wives happy and nothing changes for you.

Lot of people are friends without a couple friendship – the majority I would definitely say. I don’t see why you would think this had to affect anything with you and your friend or the kids.

I guess it’s because we spent a lot of time together as families and i miss that, as do the kids and they ask why such and such aren’t coming round anymore or why we aren’t doing activities together anymore. I don’t know what to tell them

Hard to know without the comment.

but like PP said if it was his work friend and you and wife had disagreement could it be fixed that easily?

They’re adults and your DH can make his own decisions about who he spends time with, I wouldn’t be spending time with someone I didn’t like nor would I expect my DH to. Spend time with your friend and the children alone, your DH doesn’t need to be involved.

Who made the comment?
Dh or 'Steve'.

I’d carry on seeing the other mum if your friendship is important to you. Not every friendship has to be between two couples.
Your husband doesn’t have to spend time with someone he doesn’t gel with, but that doesn’t mean you and the children have to lose a friendship over it. I’d just keep things separate for now and see how it settles.

I think it does depend on the comment. If it wasn't too bad I would cajole him into another meet up and see what happened, but ot does depend on what went down.

I think it’s unusual for men to fall out over one misunderstood comment. I’d assume it more likely that they were never particularly fond of each other and this was a good excuse for them to stop being forced together. Either that or the comment was actually horrendous

Unless he is forbidding you from seeing your friend Just see your friend and kids alone you can’t force your DH to spend time with someone he dislikes how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot ?

Depending what it was, they’ll probs get over it. Men tend to forget quicker than women. Sorry that’s actually very sexist so I should have said just IMO. Unless your husband is generally a grudge holder or if one of them did something terrible it’ll probs sort itself out. For now, respect his wishes and just meet the mum and/or kids together for now and don’t push it as that will make it worse

So he doesn't like the other guy. You can't force him to like someone else.

In your situation I'd grow up and accept my husband is an adult who can make his own choices.

I wouldn't appreciate my husband dictating who I have to be friends with.

It's impossible to say without knowing what was said, which I can understand you don't want to share.
As in it depends how bad it was, for example like the post on here a while ago about someone insulting the OP's cooking behind her back, but the husbands still wanted to be friends.
If her husband said something really bad, maybe it's right not to meet together again. But if it was something like an argument about who the best team is, whichever one of them is being pathetic about it needs to get over it.

It really doesn’t, you know. It’s perfectly normal to decide you don’t want to be friends with someone, regardless of whether your spouse would like you to play nice.

Just arrange to meet the woman with kids and say it’s a shame dhs have had issues are you happy to continue to meet without them?

The friend's husband probably feels the same as your husband and they are entitled to. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't like it.

Agreed. The bless he’s saying that the OP cannot meet up, he gets to decide for himself.

This sums it up men are allowed to have their own opinions

I have a really good friend, known her since university, I really don’t like her partner, my DH is “neutralish” but he really likes my friend and is adamant about me maintaining our friendship, he’s happy to ferry me or her about (I’m not currently driving for health reasons). If we see her alone, all well and good, if he tips up we are “cordial “ .

Can your husband not accept that you value your friendship and your kids enjoy hers and just trundle along?