Neighbours child

[managingexpectations]

would you let your child shout on a neighbour over and over again?
now I might be hot tired and being a grump but next doors child is bugging the life out of me.
just got through the door from a long day at work, the open the back door as the kitchen is hotter than the sun and I needed to make dinner.
as soon as the door was open next doors 7 year old child is bellowing on me. Shouting my name over and over again, standing on the fence to look in the kitchen window and shouting “I know you can hear me”
I did eventually go out, once dinner was cooking and I had 5 mins to spare.
He’s out in the garden with both parents, little sister and his gran! I relatively politely said please stop shouting on me I’m trying to sort tea, what do you need me for?
turns out he didn’t even want to speak to me he just likes being loud and annoying
it’s becoming a regular issue, if I go out to hang washing=shouting, pottering in the garden=shouting, sitting having a coffee=shouting.
tonight I am a bit hangry so I did say to his parents, can you try to keep that to a minimum please it’s a bit annoying. Seems to have fallen on deaf ears as he’s still going.
would I be unreasonable to send a follow up message to his mum (have each others numbers for emergency use and we’re not texters) We’re friendly but not friends, have the odd neighbourly conversation if we pass in the street etc or would that ruffle feathers and just cause an atmosphere?

At least you try to stop your daughter from annoying people. The parents in this case are doing nothing.

@managingexpectations I would have told him "hello" once and if he went on I would have told him that one hello is enough and he would now have to stop. I love children and all the neighbours kids come up to me for a hug/scream my name and I'm delighted. Having said that I wouldn't be happy with insistancy why I would have explained to the kid that you only say hello once. Sure, it's not your job but since his parents seem oblivious it's in your interest to educate the poor kid. Make sure you explain loudly so the parents get some insight of acceptable behaviour as well.

I would tell him to stop, and get back to him garden. Every time.

I can understand his repeated shouting was extremely annoying and tedious and you may say im naive but if when he called your name you had responded straight away saying Hello kids name it may have nipped this in the bud?
Sometime you can kill this sort of behaviour with kindness.
If not i think the noise cancelling headphones is the way to go.

So rude. We then have to teach these little angels who have not been shown how to remotely behave or respect adults. I would knock on the parents and speak to them, it would have more impact face-to-face than a message.

You can get them from B & Q, but unfortunately it's still against the law to fry your neighbour's obnoxious child 🙄

Have you got a power hose?
Very effective.

I think a polite message along the lines of please can you have a chat with son about not shouting at me in the garden, I'm finding it a bit much is ok. From now on completely ignore him. Put headphones on if you need to.

I think you either need to tell the child to leave you alone more bluntly or piss the parents off by killing with kindness.

It might be worth buying some really sugary sweets and taking them out every time he calls out to you. Make sure you open the bag for him, pass them over and then go back inside. Parents will soon police him by keeping him in when you're out as they wont want to say no but also might not want a hyperactive version of him.

Raise the fence much higher.

“Stop shouting at me, it’s rude”. Loud enough for the parents to hear.

And then ignore. Headphones if necessary.

How annoying for you

We have a child like this adjacent. Doesn't shout at us just shouts, screams, constantly and hey its the first day of the school holidays so its even more fun today 🙈 I'm on annual leave but don't actually go away for a few days yet so having had this all weekend too- its wearing. The parents don't work and literally never take this child out anywhere. My DH is retired so has it worse than me most of the time. I invested in a Bluetooth speaker which I use for white noise (waterfalls, rivers etc) which I can control. I use it either half way between the gardens or even on my windowsill indoors at low level. It helps. We also grey rock- we don't speak to them anyway but use it as more of a mental approach. It is incredibly hard sometimes but we try.

So teaching him from a young age that, whenever you want to order a woman to stop whatever she's doing and give you attention instead, you just have to scream at her until she complies?

Even at the age of 7, I find the shouting “I know you can hear me” really rude and entitled, and actually rather threatening. He has obviously grown up to believe that only he is important and that everybody else is only there for his benefit and fun.

He may have complex needs - which his family should be actively addressing; but even if it was his own parents he was treating like this, he should be taught that you cannot just scream and demand that they come instantly and attend to you. Babies do that - because they can't yet empathise with other people, and their own needs and comforts are the only thing that they understand - not 7-year-olds.

Who said to only hose the kid down, though? I'm not sure the gran would find it quite such fun...

I don't think answering him promptly in an attempt to nip this annoyance in the bud is "teaching him " to scream a her until she complies and it just may solve the noise nuisance for the OP. I agree there may be additional needs here as it doesn't sound normal behaviour and those situation are challenging for everyone.
A 7 yr olds noise wouldn't be actionable,it would be considered ordinary domestic noise even at 5.45 am ,so i'm trying to find solutions that may work because starting a noise complaint that will go no where and that will be recorded as a neighbour dispute for posterity wont help.

'Teaching' somebody something doesn't just mean sitting them down and giving them a targeted lesson. Most people - even many animals - are able to understand the concept of an action leading to them getting what they want, and so they will naturally repeat it when they want that same reward again.

Like on the other thread about the OP's NDN who keeps coming and knocking at all hours when she wants Calpol, baby wipes, a phone charger or anything... nobody at school taught her that this is the way we obtain the things that we need, but she has found that it works - and is more convenient and cheaper than going to an actual shop - so guess what she intends to keep on doing?

Well the little “cherub” is on one today. He’s got a friend round so is showing off, shouting and throwing toys over the fence…a football flew past my head when I was hanging out the bloody washing. I did shout at him and told him to stop showing off and go and play with his friend. He ran off inside shouting for his mum😂 she just closed their door over.
I’ve sent her cctv footage and a text along with a message asking for a time she’s free for a chat, the message had been read but no reply.
Sadly for them I’m away for around a week later on so any toys are hostage in my garden until I get back. I’ve even locked up my gate, which I never do so they can’t send him to get them back.

it’s only been since this nice weather he’s started being a wee pest so hopefully it’s a phase and he settles down again.

Hosepipe? Be a shame if he got wet wouldn’t it.

Im suggesting a prompt answer may have prevented the repeated shouting that was annoying the OP. I do think theres a difference between a child and an adult in this. Although i couldnt refuse a sick child calpol if i had some regardless of their parents manipulation (the other stuff i would somewhat agree)

I feel sorry for the boy. He sounds feral but that's on his parents lack of education. You will have to do the "parenting" in setting boundaries for him unfortunately.

YABU to use “shout on”. The correct phrase is “shout at”.

I still don't see why it's incumbent on a random adult to jump to a child's demands when they call, though. Yes, if they need urgent help; but not when it's just them seeking attention.

He had his gran sitting by him, and even she didn't think to tell him not to be so rude. I bet she wouldn't be happy if OP kept shouting "Oi, Grandma!" over and over again, until she responded. Where has he got the idea that it's OK to keep repeatedly shouting somebody's name at them, unless their house is on fire or they're about to fall off a cliff?

So many parents/carers will use the "they're just kids - they don't know any better" thinking, without it even remotely occurring to them that THEY should be the ones teaching them better.

It sounds like it's multi-generational lack of education too, as his gran just sat by and let him continue doing it. It appears that she brought up her DS/DD that way and now they (and their spouse/partner) are continuing the same way.

@Ilovemyshedyou still understood the post so does it really matter?
@TheBlueKoalaabsolutely not. I don’t have children through choice/circumstance I’m not parenting anyone just because their actual parents are useless.

Why? because it might solve the OP problem of being annoyed by him repeatedly shouting.
I agree that the child's parents/grandparent should have been dealing with him ,but they weren't and that leaves the OP annoyed by the childs shouting.
We cant make the parents deal with it if they dont want to or cant. A child shouting isnt actionable noise so authorities wouldn't be interested.
Perhaps there is some additional needs in this child that the parents struggle to deal with ,perhaps it's behavioural issues, we don't know.
I was just making the suggestion of answering his first shout and that may have nipped it in the bud and the OP wouldn't have had to tolerate the repeated shouting,
I think an adult shouting OI Grandma is different to a child shouting the OPs name .