Birthday bill split

[KnickerlessFatWoman]

Last weekend was my mother’s birthday, so we - that’s me, my parents, sister and BIL and their 12 year-old son - went for Sunday lunch. Unfortunately the food wasn’t great, and they ended up taking my main off the bill.

My dad is someone who always wants to treat everyone, so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead. When the bill came, BIL asked if we could split it over two cards, but they said they could only take one payment. He paid and I said I’d transfer my share. For the sake of keeping the maths simple on this thread, let’s say the bill was £210, or £35 per head.

Both BIL and sister are crap at responding to messages, so it took me until midweek to get the bank details. I sent over £70 to cover me and one of my parents.

I heard nothing in response, but I was chatting to my mum earlier and she said “Oh, by the way, Katie said you got the money wrong - it was £210 and you only sent £70”. I said no, that was right - my meal and one other. She said, “Ohhh… I think she thought you were splitting it”. I laughed and said, “No, we said we’d treat you and Dad. I didn’t say I’d pay for three meals!”

I don’t really know why my sister couldn’t just have messaged me instead of talking to our mother about it, but that’s not really the issue. Surely she and BIL don’t expect me to pay half the bill? By treating our parents, I meant exactly that - not that I’d pay for them both while my sister just paid for her own family (which is what this amounts to). There are three of them and one of me. If I pay half the bill, sister and BIL have only covered themselves and their child - there’s no “treating” anyone at all.

AIBU for thinking £70 was my share and paying just that?

I‘m a great believer that, over a lifetime, these things even themselves out. I’m one of 6 (plus plenty of in-laws, nieces and nephews) and there have been some meals where I’ve probably had more than the split, and sometimes I’ve had less.

I have been hosted multiple times, where the one hosting has spent money, and other times I’ve been the host, and some of them don’t host at all.

..and I’ve not put a financial figure on favours of lifts or whatever

I would never be looking at anything as an individual event, as I said it evens itself out over a lifetime. It’s £35

i don’t get why everyone is saying the OP agreed to split the bill - she agreed to treat her parents not bankroll her sisters family.

I think if your dad normally treats everyone, you say you're going to split the bill between you and your sister - then I think she's right to assume you would have paid half.

But the OP doesn’t mention splitting the bill. The agreement is to treat the parents 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d have split the bill down the middle, I think these things tend to even out over time and couldn’t get into a snit about my parents birthday dinner.

Just a side question - did your £35 per head include the tip/service? It drives me nuts when people pay back for ‘only what they eat’ and you’re left footing the bill for the tip too.

While I don’t think your argument is wrong exactly - and I’d definitely have suggested your method if I was your sister out of politeness - I don’t think she’s necessary being unreasonable either. I doubt a meal out with your parents is her favourite place to spend her money - she’s only there for them. You agreed to treat your parents and part of the treat was you all being there. That’s part of the gift you gave them. If she knew she was having to pay more, she might have left her husband and/son at home? Did she choose the restaurant? If not, it may have been much more expensive than she’d normally choose for her family, but did it because your parents like it. That’s also part of the gift you gave them. I think it’s hard to put it only onto the exact amount of food eaten per family, as that’s never the whole story. And having two incomes doesn’t automatically make someone better off.

Having said all that, some discussion upfront would have solved all this.

so my sister and I decided this time it was our turn and we were going to treat him and our mum instead.

WHERE did the OP write she was going to treat BIL by paying for half the sisters bill😂

You paid the right amount.

If you paid £105 as suggested, you would have paid for yours AND both parents, meaning that your sister paid for herself, husband and child - meaning that she had treated no one.

Surely she can't be that thick?

Only cheeky fuckers can see it. 🤣

No. Because what if Op's sister had 10 kids? Then the bill would be £525 and you'd expect Op to pay £262? Effectively paying for 7 people? Nah....that's crazy.

I think your maths needs work. She did pay for herself and one parent. She did not agree to pay half of Dsis BIL and nephews bill too.

Id personally go back to your sister (and your mum) and say my meal was free - presumably it was poorly cooked so you didn't actually enjoy a meal) and you have actually paid for both your mother and fathers meal - why on earth your sister would expect you to cover more than your parents meals would be beyond me.

If it’s petty, why can’t my sister just pay her share? If none of it matters, why am I the petty one and she’s not?

Exactly!

The plan was to treat the parents. The parents meals came to £70. Op paid £35, and sister paid £35. It is entirely irrelevant how many other people were at the meal. Like I say, what if Op's sister had 10 kids?

Cheeky fuckery.

I think it could have been either scenario. What you did makes complete sense but at the same time if your dad normally pays for everyone and the treat was for you guys to pay instead then I can see why 50/50 would have made sense.

who first suggested that you and your sis pay? If you then I think you should have gone 50/50, if your sis then think what you did is right.

Semantics isn't it?

If my sister said "split the bill" I would hear 50:50 but Op actually said " treat the parents" so that is each pay for one of the parents.
Speak to your sister and clear the air asap.

More than fair, considering your own meal was comped! In effect, you've paid for both parents.

I think anyone with a bit of sense would see that 50-50 full seriously disadvantages the single person and basically means that darling sister actually didn’t contribute anything towards her parents meals

I think YABU as it sounds like you didn’t make it clear to DSis how you intended to split the payment beforehand and I can see why she assumed you meant a 50/50 split.

I’d be annoyed in her shoes too.

Basically the sister wants to pay for her 3 meals, and for Op to pay for both parents. The mind boggles at the maths here.

The difference though is that the dad normally pays for it all, they don’t have a system of everyone normally paying for their own

I can only assume that those disagreeing with you are doing it because they love an argument.

You are not being petty. In my family, I am in your sister's position (OH and DS) and my sister comes alone. We always pay half each for parents plus our own. I would never expect my sister to pay for my son's or OH's meal.

I’m 100% Team OP! She clearly said in her first post she and her sister agreed to treat their parents (ie pay for their costs) at the meal. Nowhere does she say they agreed to “split the bill” and so many posters have misunderstood this point.

Your sister is being cheeky to want the credit of treating your parents when if you paid the amount she expects, she’s only paid for her immediate family and you’ve paid for yourself and both your parents!

Well you are very cheeky then.

well op, i guess you managed to upset all your family, involving the parents you tried to treat.
All that for 35 quid - you should have just got over it.