AIBU to think another school mum is being childish?

[ThisKhakiMaker]

There is a mum at school who I have known for years and have been quite friendly with up until the beginning of the year, since then it has been like I’m invisible and she looks up in the air when I walk past. Since her son and my DS (9) are close friends I’ve not said anything as to be frank I don’t want the confrontation.

There is an older boy (10) who lives in the same area who sees my son as a ‘weakling’ in his words and picks on him - i have spoken to his mum many times about this. Last night however this child had called my son ‘gayjay’ and pushed him over and kicked him. I asked him to come to the door so I could speak but he refused, I went out and said to him it all stops now the verbal and physical abuse - I didn’t shout or even raise my voice at the child. The parent of my DS friend saw this and confronted my son when I went back inside and said ‘your mum has no right to do that’ ‘she shouldn’t be speaking to children like that’. I went out to ask her why she felt the need to say this to him and why didn’t she speak to me about this if she has an issue, I had asked to speak to her in private without others round but she said no. Her reply was that she didn’t want her son to play with mine as she had ‘seen how I spoke to children’, when I told her that she does not know the bigger picture and that it’s not fair to to stop two close friends from playing her reply was that ‘she only cared about that incident and her son will just fine not being friends with my DS and I should deal with my DS’. I asked her why she was being so nasty whereas I was told that she will sleep fine tonight and I will have trouble sleeping because of this situation. We kept going round in circles as to why would you stop two friends from playing and the fact that she has some issue with me but won’t admit to it. Eventually I gave up, as she was sat with a smirk on her face with her SIL hanging on her every word, as I walked away she continued to shout at me when I asked why she was continuing to shout at me her words were ‘your talking too much go away’.

Later that evening my DS went out and continued to play with her son, however she has now said that he is not allowed to play with any of his toys that he brings out.

AIBU to think that this is being childish and that she has found a small issue of which is none of her business to stop them being friends?

You're all childish.

What have I just read.

Sounds like your sons better off not playing with hers if she's behaving like that. It sounds like she'll tell her son not to play with yours anyway. Did you see the other boy push your son over and kick him?

You read that a poor boy is being bullied.

Your poor son.

But I wouldn't want my son to play with the son of that awful woman.

Can you take your son to karate so he gains more confidence? That is what my husband did for his kids and It worked. He will hopefully also make some decent friends.

@ThisKhakiMaker YANBU

Your son was being bullied and you correctly addressed the bully in a calm manner and explained that verbal abuse was nor acceptable.

If anyone parent has an issue with that then they need to question their own parenting.

This mother sounds awful.

Why didn’t you confront this child’s parents rather than the child? That’s the normal thing to do.

As I have said in the post I have spoken to his mother and even his older sister many times, it makes no difference whatsoever

You are both being childish. Arguing in the street like a pair of children with the ‘he said she said’, grow up the pair of you.

Quite. Perhaps you could let op know this.

i asked to speak her in private so we wouldn’t be arguing in the street?

This is a good suggestion. A friend of mine also in a similar situation found that cadets (army, sea are options) helped her son enormously and he also has a separate group of good friends now as well as increased confidence and self esteem.

After you’d confronted her in the street, then when she said no you just carried on arguing with her in the street anyway.

We did martial arts for about 2 years, loved it at first but then I think the novelty wore off and he hated going. We’ve looked at air cadets but in our area he has to be 11/12 to start, he does cubs for the time being at the minute

She sounds like a right nasty boot

Yes, I watched it back on our cameras when he came in to tell me. This boy has done all sorts, placed him in chokeholds to see how long he can go without breathing, sprayed air freshener in his face, punched, kicked, exclude him from games and then call him all sorts of names

You should not have spoken to a 10 year old child the way you did asking him to come to your door, you should have gone to his parents door. Also read the update were you have confronted his sister!

while I don’t agree with bullying or what this other women has done.

You have all gone about this the wrong way.

If the parents of the bully are not doing anything then you need to teach your child to either stand up for himself or walk away from the situation and not engage

Obviously talking to the family of the bully hasn't worked. Do they go to the same school? Do you have any evidence apart from the one door bell video?
If so, speak to your son's school and if they have one, the school police officer to see if they can offer advice for a way forward.
Holding a child in a choke hold etc is far more than just bullying and needs to be dealt with.

Your son should not be playing out in theses circumstances. It isn’t safe.

For reference his sister is 20+ as his mum wouldn’t come to the door

Yes they go to the same school, picked it up with school and he just gets told to stay away from him

I really think that you need to explain to your son that he needs to go to something like martial arts or things will not get better for him re the bullying.

Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do.

My grandson hated it at first and now, a few years later loves it. Kids change.

This. I'm all for independence , but you're sending your kid out into danger. The mum and the other child have no bearing on this.

I would be going to community policing if the mother of the bully will not engage . The choking etc sound dangerous

Your poor son . Please keep him away from both children. The parent of the other child is awful too .

So why not lead with this, which is horrifying, rather than posting as if the important thing is another parent ‘being childish’? Why aren’t you more concerned with protecting your child from a bully, and less about whether someone ignores you or not?