AIBU to worry about how I'll manage financially when I'm older?

[ShiteWithSugar]

And to be absolutely terrified?

I'm 56. Haven't worked since DS was born in 2000. Originally the plan was to go back part time when he went to school then more hours as he got older. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis 25 years ago which put the kybosh on that plan. DH has been the breadwinner and is on an okay wage (about £30k) but not enough to pay into a workplace pension or anything. We don't have any savings to speak of (about £2k for emergencies).

I have tried to find very flexible, part time work for years but it's absolutely impossible with no references etc and knowing I'll need time off sick several times a month when my symptoms are at their worst and/or the side effects from the drugs I take are particularly bad. I did have a job briefly (a few weeks) in a shop in 2011 but they let me go when I couldn't stand behind the counter and was off sick for a week, which I completely understand even though it was heartbreaking. I have applied for PIP but was turned down. I did not reapply because it was so dehumanising and stressful and we could manage on DH's salary just about.

What will happen when I/we reach pension age? DH is five years younger than me if that makes any difference. I'm so terrified of getting older that sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't. No money and health that is already declining makes for just such a bleak prospect. I think of the retirement my parents had - little UK breaks, days out, the occasional treat for DS, not well off by any means but comfortable and happy - and think what the future holds for me in comparison and it's so frightening. I've never been on holiday in my life and we have never been able to afford driving lessons let alone a car!

AIBU to be terrified of the future?

Yep, my DP is mid 50s and on £30k. He is diagnosed with ASD, and his employer (a city council) has been really good with him about it in terms of reasonable adjustments. They have also offered him some sort of coaching too. He has been working for them for nearly 4 years, and it is the longest he has held down a job.
Pisses me off to see posts on here about how you should be earning a certain amount at certain ages. Not everyone can, or even wants to progress (if you can progress in your job... mine was absolutely dead end).

PIP doesn’t provide NI credits. OP would need to apply for ESA NIC only claim.

I'm sorry your nhs trust is so crap. My ds takes methotrexate weekly for crohns disease and his side effects are nasty enough but not as bad as yours and we were told he'd be taken off it if they were any worse (he's also on a biologic, as am I -also for crohns).

If I were you I'd challenge the biologics decision. Partly because of the side effects and partly because your RA doesn't sound that well controlled anyway - its preventing you working and you need to emphasise that. (My consultant was equally luke-warm about putting me on biologics until I ended up with a small bowel blockage and needed surgery. I wish I'd pushed him harder before things got so bad).

They would likely get some UC if op was awarded the LCWRA ( unfit for work ) element of UC because once awarded that element a portion of op's husband's earnings would be disregarded. If op got awarded daily living PIP, then if her dh provides 35 hours of care a week they can also get a carers element added to the UC claim bumping it up higher. They need a benefit check from a reputable place like CAB or Age UK. A quick calculation with calculating rent at even £500 a month indicates some entitlement.

30000 a year is about £2000 a month.

You're in a HA property so your rent is lower. You should be able to save more than £2000.

List EVERYTHING you spend money on, subscriptions, food, TV, bills, petrol, Christmas...Cut out TV licence and Xmas presents. They're not essential.

Even car... if husband uses it for work can he use public transport or walk or cycle?

Food bill normally can be reduced a lot. Lentils, cheapest everything, eggs, toast as a snack.

I absolutely think you can save money from where you are.

If you're in a happy relationship and you have Wi-Fi and a library membership you're good.

If you learn how to be comfortable being super-frugal this is a benefit for life.

Do you have a spare room/your sons room? This needs to go to a lodger. Try to put a kettle/toaster/microwave/small fridge in there and you may only see them when they go to the toilet.

Jobs and volunteering. I absolutely get being introverted/and/or ill.

However, you can't afford to just stay in and hang out with your husband.

You need to network and start meeting people. Often mates can give you a reference. Or if they know there's a job going and you're an ok person they'll mention it to your boss.

I get that a lot of social groups are snobby and aren't really designed to be welcoming to people struggling. Keep trying to meet new people though, as cheaply as you can. You need a community.

It only takes a few Ok people to tip the scales.

My ideas first would be:

• RA charity or support groups. When I worked in a charity for X health condition they gave work experience to people with the condition.

• Spiritual groups can be quite supportive and charitable. Buddhists or Quakers are often full of nice intelligent established old people who believe in helping others with "no strings attached". They often run weekly meets with free tea or lunch so try and find some of these.

Ignore the horrible posts OP, I honestly cannot imagine what kind of person would come on here, read your post, and think that the appropriate response was to insult you.

Because this is mumsnet and if you earn less than 100k you are a lazy fucker who needs to pull their socks up!!!

Have you looked at the money makeover on reducing outgoings. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/ the website also has useful guidance on flexible ways to earn money

@ShiteWithSugar

Just saw your heating posted quoted above. Electric blankets are super cheap now due to the heat wave and season.

Here's one from Tesco at £22.

This on a chair can get you through without turning the heating on. Heat the person not the whole home.

Similarly look to buy Merino wool jumpers and dresses off eBay now so you can use them in the winter.

I have Raynauds I layer wool dresses up with tights and wear fingerless gloves and a hat in the winter.

Even rich people do these frugal tricks, (obviously it's harder when you know there isn't a lot of margin) but you can turn frugality into a game and enjoy it. The MSE website has lots of tips and tricks and the forum users are very enthusiastic.

Holidays and days out - are there free museums or places of beauty near you?

I spent loads on days out this year (been ill and wanted to "treat" myself) and honestly I didn't get any more pleasure compared to going to a pretty local park with a pack of biscuits and a Thermos and a book. Wish I'd done that instead!

For those making out the husband needs to make more money - I suspect you live in London or another big cities or the SE, and the OP is somewhere like the NE or Cumbria etc. The majority of jobs in these locations (warehouse work, production line work, driving, healthcare aids, farming assistant etc etc) would pay between 25,000-35,000. That is the reality of most people's lives outside of the mumsnet bubble. Not everyone has partner who is a surgeon or finance bro in the city as seems to be the norm on here for some reason.

You need to apply for PIP. Make an appointment with CAB. There is also a guidance doc on the RA charity's website. Plus lots of info if you Google. You need to fill it in talking about your worst days. Make this your priority.

It will open the door to other help & assistance too, such as food bank referral and other grants, funding or support.

CAB is good as will do a full assessment to see what else you may be entitled to. Have you applied separately for Council Tax benefit? Do you have a prescription pre-payment certificate?

And just to add to that, we're in the south east in a tourist town, there is high unemployment here, seasonal MW work, lots of farming MW work which is obivously not full time, usually hiring foreign workers anyway on contracts, housing is still expensive and transport virtually non existent but expensive and not fit for purpose where it does exist. A job paying 30k is considered a really good income here.

£35k is significantly more than £30k, especially given the effect in increased disposable income. So worth him looking for a better paid job. Or one with a shift allowance, access to overtime, or if he's travelling, one that's closer to home with lower commuting costs. Or if he did something like a supermarket delivery driver, they'd get a discount on their groceries that helps with costs.

There's always been a shortage of lorry drivers, so that could be a route to better paid work that's got a low barrier to entry. Likewise building site machine drivers. Significantly above NMW, only needs a few days training and once you get a foot in the door, you can earn £40/50k pa or more.

Given we know nothing about where they live, qualifications, skills etc it's just as valid to say 'can he earn more' as it is 'ooh, they must live somewhere where everyone earns NMW if they're lucky'.

It’s also worth him looking for a job with a good pension attached.

You can get social tarriffs for heating etc, water, broadband. You can register with the companies as vulnerable/ disabled for more support.

At 56 you should be taking HRT - it will help with some of the peri & post menopausal symptoms you are describing. Oestrogen is also anti-inflammatory.

I’m on 31 and it is a decent wage.

So this is a building site machine driver vacancy, paying between 30-40k

A little more than 'a few days training' needed I think

Key Responsibilities
• Operate a 14T+ excavator for foundations, drainage, and service trenches
• Fine grading, topsoil, type 1, and road formation
• Work with trench boxes, manhole boxes, and lifting operations safely
• Read drawings, interpret levels, and support site engineers
• Maintain and care for your machine, performing routine checks and greasing
Requirements
• CPCS or NPORS (CSCS Affiliated) - Excavator 360 (10T+) with Lifting Ops
• 5+ years’ experience in groundworks or civil engineering
• Team player, reliable, safety-conscious
• Right to work in the UK

Those are symptoms of my RA/side effects of the medication I take for it, not menopause. I can't take HRT, which is fine as I've never really needed to. I might have other health issues but menopause was thankfully pretty straightforward.

Neither of us drive. DH walks to work when he's in the office (literally five minutes away) so no commuting costs, but he works from home three days a week anyway. He is an office manager and has always done this sort of work, since university.

We live in a small town and his salary is really not bad at all for where we are.

You will be entitled to pension credit which is the same as the State Pension. You will be entitled to have your rent paid via UC. You don’t need to worry. You may end up with more disposable money than you do now. Council Tax will be your biggest bill.

I wouldn't assume PC will exist in its current form in 15/20 years time.

And isn't UC for working age only? You may be able to apply for Housing Benefit as a pensioner.

It sounds like a good position for him.

It's all a bit farfetched to suggest he magic up a few thousand to retrain in something he knows nothing about and has no experience in or interest in at 50-odd.

These well-paid physical roles aren't actually open to new people who've just got standalone qualifications and no physical work history, network, or industry connections.

Especially the start. The young guys starting out will be on low wages to start off. OPs husband cant afford to be the trainee or the apprentice for a while.

I dated an offshore guy who was thinking about transferring to a well-paid job on dry land (including driver and train driver). There's a waitlist and non-paid training period for these, not like he could just walk into a role.

Plus for someone whose been a 9-5 office manager a physical shift would be pretty challenging.

It's not being lazy - if you're not physically co-ordinated or resilient enough to safely do your driving or loading you get sacked or it's dangerous.

These physical jobs for men tend to be like coding bootcamps for women - no 50k job at the end. Unless it's something you were already doing or you're prepared to give it 2 years to train and network and work your way up whilst not earning a lot.

Exactly this, there are so many fantasists on this site where jobs are concerned. Everyone can just 'retrain' and progress and move up the career ladder blah blah blah

Im waiting for the poster to provide details of the driving on a building site jobs where you only need a few days training and walk into a job on 40k, I would like one of those. Of course I have not a jot of knowledge about how to maintain a vehicle and arent strong enough to manouvre equipment etc, but you know, I only need a few days training and I can get one of these jobs, Im sure they'd give it to me in a climate of high unemployment.