AIBU to worry MIL may need a GP check for dementia?

[illiads]

MIL is mid-70s. Over the last couple of years we've noticed some changes, but it's definitely become more noticeable over the last year. DH thinks she could be showing early signs of dementia. We're starting to worry about what the future might look like, and whether it's sensible to leave the DCs with her.

It's not really the memory side of things that's making us question it. It's more that the gap between what you'd expect from her and how she actually behaves in public and at home seems to be getting wider. Nothing huge or dramatic, just lots of little odd things that individually you could explain away but together they don't feel quite right.

She's still working and has never slept much due to her work commitments. From what I've read long term lack of sleep can increase the risk of dementia although obviously I know that doesn't automatically mean that's what's going on.

Just wondering if anyone has been through similar.

At what point did you or your family decide it was time to get your mum or dad to see the GP? How did you approach that conversation?

What were the early signs? And were there things you only realised were symptoms after they were diagnosed?

Trying to work out whether we're overthinking this or whether it's worth gently encouraging her to get checked out and how to go about it.

My mum used to go on and on about my Dad " not being right" and " he's not the same" although there was nothing major.

I was living hundreds of miles away at the time and couldn't really judge it.

But her instinct turned out to be right.
He was diagnosed aged 70.
So If just say trust your gut if something feels off.

If you are starting to have doubts, then don’t leave your DC with her. Things can change very quickly.

It was hard to tell with my mum as we only became more involved after my dad died, but he’d noticed (and not told us). She started having more trouble with numbers - adding up etc became difficult. He would insist she only use familiar banks and shops, I guess he may have had experiences where she’d become confused. For us we noticed her anxiety go through the roof, and she stopped being able to do internet banking, then her laptop, then her mobile phone. It’s not necessarily forgetfulness that comes first, but loss of executive function / working memory so it’s difficult to learn new things or retain information and focus on a task.

Get her checked - she may be at the cognitive impairment stage, and many people never go beyond that, but better to keep a watchful eye as stressful situations / events can make things get worse quite quickly. Wishing you luck.

If you haven’t already get POA set up.

What sort of things are you talking about? Wouid she be amenable to setting up GP appointment if you asked her to

With my MIL it was Vascular Dementia to start with and that generally doesn't cause the memory issues that appear fairly early on with Alzheimer's.

She just started being odd, not able to cope with basic life admin, money, saying inappropriate opinions about e.g facial disfigurments when in cafes etc.

Have a look at Dementia UK website for the earlier signs for each type.

A diagnosis is useful for getting in to the 'Dementia system' within NHS, Social Work if needed etc but ultimately there isn't anything that can be done. There is a medication for Alzheimer's but that doesn't really make much difference beyond a few months.

My experience is that individual instances alone are not noteworthy, it’s only when you put them all together you get the bigger picture. I’d contact her GP

Thank you all.
How did you bring it up with them?

It will be a challenge.
She’s very independent so we’re worried she won’t take it well if we asked her to set up an appointment.

No you should not leave the children with her.

What sort of work does she do?

I’m wondering this too with my mum OP.
As you say it’s lots of little things that could be explained away - muddling of dates, subtle change in personality (gets angry or emotional more easily), very defensive if she doesn’t remember something or says I haven’t told her.

Also never asks anymore about me or the kids so conversations feel challenging and one sided.
I suspect if challenged she would pass a dementia screen with the GP and she doesn’t think there’s an issue so it’s just a waiting game

Alzheimers can often present with subtle conversation content and personality change as well as other types of dementia so for now I’m just sitting tight and seeing what happens.

Advisory work for private companies

Does she babysit often ? If you are concerned definitely get other arrangements in place and just visit what age are the children? We are going through similar with my mum,and i think we have to wait for some sort of crisis before she will see a Gp.

I knew something wasn’t right with my mother for ages. Eventually she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s - but diagnosis changed nothing.

The tablets didn’t help, nothing helped. 🤷‍♀️. She deteriorated at a fast rate.

We have dementia running through my mums side of the family her brother is currently in a care home, so we have spoken to her about her memory and anxiety but she says she is "fine" for now.

The very first sign was repeating herself. “Gosh, isn’t it windy?”. “It’s windy isn’t it?” “The trees are really blowing, aren’t they?” “Goodness, look at the wind.” It started to seem like very dull conversation but we started to realise she’d forgotten she’d just commented on it. The next sign was when cooking Sunday roasts etc - things she knew by rote. She couldn’t remember the steps so everything needed to be noted down in written steps. Then she’d forget things were in the oven and there’d be burning. Later, we saw her not noticing her clothes needed changing etc.

So, very minor things which looked like forgetfulness / general old age. We are now at the stage where 24/7 care is imminent.

Pretty much exactly what we experienced.

My husband's mother always kept detailed personal financial records, and then slowly they weren't adding up. The math wasn't mathing. She also always did a volunteer job, transcribing written works into Braille for the blind. As the dementia began, she began making uncharacteristic errors at a fast rate. Those were the earliest signs.

I was with my mum at the supermarket yesterday she forgot the aisles and insisted everything had been moved, they haven't been moved and she has been using the same supermarket for 30 years! She became quite anxious because she couldn't find eggs.

You could e-mail her doctor to tell them about your concerns, hopefully they would then call her in for a check up.

This is definitely worth considering. Without PoA and loss of capacity the GP won’t share anything back but they will in my experience do a memory test at the next appointment (eg meds review).

For my mum signs were similar to those others have said: forgetfulness, repeating herself in conversation and increased anxiety about everything. Things that on their own could be dismissed but when you stepped back there was a definite pattern and set of things that was all the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

If you MIL is still working doing advisory then it really is worth trying to peruse this. If she’s self employed then presumably there is a risk of her making a mistake and a client suing; if she’s an employee then at some point a client will complain and she could find herself in the middle of a performance management/ disciplinary / investigation situation. If she’s does have Alzheimer’s then any of those could be traumatic and actually exacerbate her condition I suspect.

Not a comment about what you’ve experienced but many supermarkets move things around to sell more products (increases impulse purchases).

It really annoys me because it takes longer to get through the shop when they do it.

The impact it can have on people with dementia was not something I had thought about before.

Yeah i get that row ends and what not but in general the shop hadn't changed since the week before when we had been in and she walked around fine.

Very sorry to hear about your experience. Hope you don’t mind me asking: How much time would you say passed between each repetition? A couple of seconds or minutes?

And with the Sunday roasts and other things she knew by rote - did it lead to irritability if things were not noted down?

She should have a full health check including blood testing. Vitamin B deficiencies can cause or worsen confusion, depression or memory problems.

With my mam, I think we’d been oblivious for a while, but then started to put things together. A few things she did were made me a cup of tea with a jaffa cake, came in to the living room with bread and a fork to make toast on the fire and asking why money had changed.

We attended the GP who did a few cognitive exercises then referred us to the memory clinic then a brain scan. It was Alzheimer’s.

I wouldn’t wish the journey on anyone.