AIBU to worry MIL may need a GP check for dementia?

[illiads]

MIL is mid-70s. Over the last couple of years we've noticed some changes, but it's definitely become more noticeable over the last year. DH thinks she could be showing early signs of dementia. We're starting to worry about what the future might look like, and whether it's sensible to leave the DCs with her.

It's not really the memory side of things that's making us question it. It's more that the gap between what you'd expect from her and how she actually behaves in public and at home seems to be getting wider. Nothing huge or dramatic, just lots of little odd things that individually you could explain away but together they don't feel quite right.

She's still working and has never slept much due to her work commitments. From what I've read long term lack of sleep can increase the risk of dementia although obviously I know that doesn't automatically mean that's what's going on.

Just wondering if anyone has been through similar.

At what point did you or your family decide it was time to get your mum or dad to see the GP? How did you approach that conversation?

What were the early signs? And were there things you only realised were symptoms after they were diagnosed?

Trying to work out whether we're overthinking this or whether it's worth gently encouraging her to get checked out and how to go about it.

You know her the best and it's a bit of a myth that dementia always presents as forgetfulness. With my Dad it was things like speaking perfectly fluently but using the wrong word for something specific, or thinking he needed euros when going on holiday to England. Being more trusting and gullible.

Another thing DM does is to join two topics together and speak about them as if they are one, which makes a confusing conversation for us but makes perfect sense to her. So I mentioned a work colleague who had had a heart attack, then talked about Strictly, and then later after the conversation had moved on she would suddenly say 'it's a shame about , and would name a contestant, that they had a heart scare and can no longer dance'.

You can certainly report concerns to her GP though they obviously won’t share information with you. You could possibly raise the topic with her in a very gentle way and mention that you’ve noticed she doesn’t quite seem herself lately and a GP check might be in order in case she’s deficient in a vitamin. Even if she doesn’t do this it’s likely the GP won’t notice much because it’s so subtle at the early stages.

My DF just had very subtle changes for ages which I think only I really noticed properly. My DM masked for him for several years after that and was hugely resistant to getting a diagnosis.

I remember very early on he would have the occasional absolute belief that some memory he had was true even when it was completely impossible.

If it does turn out to be dementia it may evolve over many years. Sure keep an eye out and take sensible precautions but don’t panic and certainly don’t tell her you think she has dementia, remember it’s basically a death sentence and nobody wants to worry about that until it’s necessary. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who did have dementia who recognised that fact though obviously they exist.

Why would you get power of attorney for a dog?

Dh didn’t have it for his dad and it caused no end of issues when you had dementia. They applied for something else which was much pricier, took ages and he died before it was granted (deputiship I think).

Yes ! Plots of films in her early seventies were derided as "rubbish" after always being a bit of an avid cinema goer and watcher of period drama series on ITV and she seemed to have lost interest in the TV. When she became frail & housebound I continued to put them on ( things like Downton Abbey) and realised she could not follow a linear plot any more . Ironically she quite liked
" Friends" near the end but the more slapstick elements of it , She would have never watched it first time round in the nineties. Ironically there is no test for these things - I've tried to explain it to people as when you realise you probably need a new glasses prescription but you put off going and insist you're ok , fine etc and you manage / adapt ( use your phone camera , enlarge text on your laptop screen ) and then you get the prescription and realise how much youve actually missing . Dementia is a bit like that glasses prescription denial but you don't come to any epiphany when you get a new prescription.

My DM will tell me it must be so awful for families where someone has dementia and they are talking nonsense. She has no idea we are one of those families

Ooof- sittingonabeach - that's hard . When I begged the GP to help me and impress on mum she need a carer or some assistance now outside the family & she refused and said she had me , the GP gently said " Well your daughter has young children , but god forbid what if something happened to her, what would you do then ? " She looked her straight in the eye and said " It's OK - I'll get a job and move somewhere else" ( She was 80 and yet truly believed it and knew she was 80 !)

What sort of thing do you mean with regards to her behaviour?

I genuinely thought my aunt had dementia but it turned out to be Parkinson’s. Once she was medicated she was back to her usual mentally sharp self.