Is it true to get over someone you have to get under someone

[CustardCloud]

Do you think it’s true you need to get under someone to get over someone? split with my ex many years ago (I won’t say how long as it was a really long time) but in that time I still feel like I’ve never really got over him, I think about him a lot still and wonder what could have been or what he is up to. I sometimes feel like im still living in the past and haven’t “moved on.” A few people have said to me the reason is because I haven’t met anyone else, and that I need to “get under someone to get over someone” do you think this is true? Does this actually work to make you move on? I’ve never really been one for a fling or causal sex and haven’t wanted to date but also hate that im “not over him” but is it the only way some people get over someone?

It depends on what kind of person you are. A friend told me this after I split with a long term partner and hadn’t been out with anyone for a while. She encouraged me to have fun and it was actually very fun and made me feel desirable, but you have to be the kind of person who can have sex just for the sex and move on, you can’t be a person who needs to be in love to do it. Be careful with yourself and don’t get hurt. But if you think it might be fun just go for it and get back on the horse!

Thanks thats very helpful

I think it depends how much you like the new person. If it’s a good relationship it helps.

Without wanting to sound crass, I think there are similarities with getting a new pet after your pet has died (after a decent interval.) It generally really helps people because the gap the pet has left is filled, the brain is diverted and you have a new focus.

Thats a good way to think of it