AIBU to regret reporting my daughter's ex-boyfriend to the police?

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So on Friday I had someone throw something at my house following a week of my daughter being name called by her ex boyfriend at school (she is 15) I reported it to the police they have just spoken to us and now my daughter is in bits because they have said they may go and speak too him (a week after it’s calmed down and against her wishes) and that they will be doing a child protection referral now I feel bad for making a police referral in the first place and she can’t focus on anything else

He's a bully and a thug...dd doesn't get to prevent you taking the appropriate action..

It’s good you reported it. They aren’t going to arrest him unless he escalates or he starts a pattern of harassing other girls. If no one reports, these boys grow up to be entitled and dangerous men.

But your daughter’s fears for her safety are valid. I’d do whatever I could to ensure he stays well away from her.

First post nails it.

Your daughter wants to minimise his behaviour and placate her ex. She needs to be shown that this is not the way to deal with aggressive ex boyfriends.

It might be useful to inform the school so they're aware. This type of abusive behaviour may be something they discuss in their PHSE classes.

I have reported it to the school and she has been removed from any classes

No you did the right thing. Someone has to step in and I hope the police do talk to him. The school need to keep her safe too.

The school have been brilliant.
im worried because of the child protection referral and the police said they can’t promise they won’t contact him so she is worried sick because he is friends with horrible people

and now we also have to worry about children’s social care contacting him and his parents and saying what she said on top
I done this to protect her not make it worse for her

You do not teach your children to be cowed by bullies.

You’re totally correct to report him. Support your daughter in learning to stand up to this kind of behaviour.

My son has experienced some bullying and I told him that it’s my job to protect him and support him and we report it.

Ignoring it and sweeping it under the carpet is entirely the wrong thing to do.

No but pushing people into a situation they are not ready or comfortable with can be counter productive and needs to be in line with the current risk. If he has come to her home then I would be pressing charges and getting an injunction but if he hasn’t then I do t want to stir things up for her when it’s now settled

It’s not up to you it’s the police’s decision what action is taken. This isn’t America. I’m sorry you’re both scared, hopefully the police will keep your welfare in mind.

Why is she the one being removed when she hasn’t done anything wrong?

It was her wishes however I do agree. Same as when we are adults a victim of DA is always the one who has to uproot flee and change everything

You did the right thing. I cannot believe he actually came to your house and threw something - I bet he wasn't alone when he did this either.

What was it he threw? Was anyone hurt?

The moral is - don’t throw stuff at people’s houses. It’s about time people started calling out this shit. Give yourself pat on the back.

You did nothing wrong by reporting his behaviour- he is to blame by doing whatever needed reporting. She needs to remember that - it isn't her fault, it's his

So if he didn’t come to her home, who threw the thing? Or does your daughter live somewhere else?

So she gets removed and he gets to carry on? I would be challenging that

She shouldn’t have had to move he should have. Hope the school informed his parents. You did the right thing involving the police, teacher your dd you have to stand up to bully’s.

It happens often. I don't think it should. I don't even know why they think it makes sense. Its like they are punishing the victim.

You did the right thing.

Thugs like this needs to understand there are consequences to their actions.

By the way she should not be the one to be removed from classes, the bit is the one who needs to be kicked out...

Op we had something very similar with our DD. She hated us for it, but looking back it was the best thing we could have done. Good luck.

Around that age, my sister’s ex boyfriend harassed us and me. Thankfully his dad sorted it after my dad intervened. But still, some jilted boyfriends go on to murder. Any behaviour like that needs firmly stamped on. Entitled little shit.

I think I'd of probably gone school before police as they often have their own police officers anyway who deal with thisnstudf before it needs to made official. It does seem a bit much considering things have calmed down . I think we forgot these are all kids and they do stupid things . I think the police was a bit much for a first thing but id of deffo gone school and would of expected them to liase with parents and keep a close eye in school . Anything after that warning shot would of been police .

Why should your daughter be the one to be removed from clssses!!?

I'd be highly surprised if social services get involved for name calling and something being thrown at the house by an unknown person.
The ex maybe spoken to by the police, but it won't go any further.
He needs to be told that his behaviour isn't appropriate and school and his parents should be dealing with that.

I think any safeguarding referral will be about your daughter's safety at home, and about his safety in his home, in case they think that he's being aggressive as he's getting abused at home.

I doubt that social services would have any follow up with him about his harassment of OPs daughter, that's being dealt with by the police.

Well done for supporting your DD and speaking up about this horrible boy.