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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to regret reporting my daughter's ex-boyfriend to the police?

39 replies

Elphabayo · 14/07/2026 21:35

So on Friday I had someone throw something at my house following a week of my daughter being name called by her ex boyfriend at school (she is 15) I reported it to the police they have just spoken to us and now my daughter is in bits because they have said they may go and speak too him (a week after it’s calmed down and against her wishes) and that they will be doing a child protection referral now I feel bad for making a police referral in the first place and she can’t focus on anything else

OP posts:
NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 15/07/2026 18:47

I wish these sort of males weren't attractive to so many females in the first place. But hey ho that's biology.

Fiendishandfiery · 15/07/2026 18:49

You need to teach her how to stand up to bullies, not to placate them and hide it. This is so important or she’s really going to struggle.

OneZanyPoet · 15/07/2026 18:54

Is child protection normal in these cases? You say your daughter is 15, is the ex boyfriend an adult? I would be making a much bigger stink about the school removing her from classes.

JLou08 · 15/07/2026 18:57

Reporting was the right thing. Teach your DD whilst she is young that she doesn't keep quiet or allow boys/men to get away with abusing her.

60degreecycle · 15/07/2026 18:59

Your job is to give her an example of how to deal with situations. No, she's not comfortable with it, but she is going to have to learn, and this is a good start.

Don't waver, you've done what you've done, she will echo how you feel about it so show strength and calm.

Scout2016 · 15/07/2026 19:31

If that's all there is to it social services won't be interested. A phone call at most.
What you don't know if whether that is all of it, or if this will be one of several referrals they have had about the boy or his family over time. If it ties with a bigger picture then they may intervene and so they should.

If he's 15 too then he needs a wake up call before he's 18 and no one is interested in helping him anymore and he just ends up with police records.

I'm sorry your daughter is unhappy about you reporting it but it's not just her decision to make. I also agree with others that it's appalling she's the one taken out of classes.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 15/07/2026 19:43

He needs to face consequences for his actions.

TheChickenRun · 16/07/2026 00:31

This seems to be the school placing the responsibility for response onto the victim. She should not endure more disruption because of an abusive boy.

the school should be addressing the concerning behaviour not the victim.

Ilikesundays · 16/07/2026 00:46

Elphabayo · 14/07/2026 21:44

I have reported it to the school and she has been removed from any classes

Do you mean “she”? Surely he should have been removed?

hcee19 · 16/07/2026 08:55

Well ofcourse the police will go and talk to the ex boyfriend. You made a complaint about him, they will talk to all involved.

crowsfeet57 · 16/07/2026 10:02

At 15 my DD was being harrassed by her ex boyfriend. We took the softly softly approach and her 17 year old brother had a quiet word at school. When everything ramped up her 23 year old brother saw him in town and had a quiet word. He then turned up at our house apologised to me and handed me a gift to give her. It was sexy underwear. Police intervention was the only thing that stopped him.

It was three years before she felt confident to go out with anyone again.

Angelil · 16/07/2026 13:10

YABU to regret it, yes. Reporting it was the correct thing to do.

Bigtrapeze · 16/07/2026 13:14

Elphabayo · 14/07/2026 21:44

I have reported it to the school and she has been removed from any classes

OP, why hasn't he been removed from her classes? I think we are all responsible for making it really clear to young people that this behaviour is completely unacceptable and you sound to me like you have done a great job of that. She'll come round to viewing it like that in the end. With teenagers, it can take some time for them to see things from an adult perspective. You're sending the right message in my book. It sounds very tough. Sorry to hear you have to contend with this. You might also be doing this boy a massive favour too, in the long run.

Elphabayo · 19/07/2026 23:31

So following on from this the harassment continued and resulted in he and his friend coming to our street and said friend trying to kick down our door

OP posts:
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