To get my DD a kitten for her birthday?

[ACatCalled]

To be clear from the start, it would of course be a family pet and I accept that I will be the one responsible for the cleaning etc etc.

I'm really just after experiences, tips, and anything I might not have thought of! DD will be 9 in the autumn and is desperate for a pet, ideally a cat. I/we lost our old cat earlier this year and we were all devastated- I rescued him as a kitten long before DD was born and he was by my side through all sorts of shit so it's taken me a good few months to even consider another pet. Whilst DD misses our old cat, she talks about the house feeling "empty" and it would be nice for her to experience having a pet from the beginning, choosing a name and forming a proper bond. I do feel the emptiness of the house too 😞

I've got a bit more anxious as I've got older and can't help worry about the cat going missing/having an accident or something. It's also been a long time since I've had a kitten! I'd need to cat-proof the house and factor in keeping it in for the first few months before neutering. Not easy as we're open plan but doable.

We live in a very cat-friendly area, I have willing cat-sitters for any holidays and it would be nice to have a little buddy again. I would rescue again too, the centres near me are overrun with kittens. I'm just nervous!

Two cats is great while they are kittens but cats are actually solitary creatures and many are happier on their own once grown up! Not saying that you’ll have issues with 2 adult cats but I speak to a lot of owners (as a vet) who had 2, lost 1 and notice a real change for the positive in the remaining cat.

You could wrap up various cat things for her birthday even things like cat food then go out to a shelter and choose a cat kitten or kittens. Having checked that you can have a cat first of all. I still remember being about 5 and going to the door and a lady was standing on the doorstep with a shoe box and a kitten looking over the top.

Absolutely this. Pets are not presents. So many pets that end up in shelters have been presents. Children need to understand the responsibility of pet ownership and that if you take it on you can't leave it to someone else eg Mum.

She isn't old enough to be the person responsible for it so it isn't her cat.

And definetly get two, much more fun. But you need to the responsible person and make sure she sees what that involves.

She knows all this if you read her posts. It is quite easy, go to 'OP Posts' and click 'read all'.

First paragraph of the OP

To be clear from the start, it would of course be a family pet and I accept that I will be the one responsible for the cleaning etc etc.

Covers your concerns I believe?

Yes this.

i had two who got a long great as kittens, but once they reached teenage/adulthood they started exhibiting stress related and territorial behaviour. Spraying, weeing, stopping the other from entering the house/rooms, that sort of thing. Even though they still cuddled up to sleep.

we tried everything but it just got worse. Ended up giving one to a relative and it was immediately clear they were much happier apart. Relaxed, not going out as much or as far, no spraying, no loud crying in the middle of the night. Both lived very happy and pampered lives, hating other cats.

i would never have two again. It’s not worth the risk.

Agree, cats may be sociable but I don't feel they're truly social. Our last pair came together from the rescue (their elderly previous owner could no longer care for them), there was a ~6 year age gap between them, and the eldest really didn't like the younger one. Constantly bossing her around etc. Fortunately the younger one was very easygoing (and rather stupid) despite being much the larger of the two. Younger didn't seem to care or even notice when eldest died.

Current cat is the only one, and he's very happy. Occasionally DH gets wistful at the idea of a kitten but we're absolutely not going to upset a situation that works well for everyone.

Adopting a "mum and kitten" pair is a gamble too - I've known people who have kept a kitten after their cat gave birth, only for the mother to walk away from home and never return (moved in with neighbours a few streets over).

But then sometimes multi-cat households work really well 🤷‍♀️ you just never know which way it's going to go

As someone who's had multiple cats over the decades, I also think 2 is better than 1, for them more than you.

They don't have to be kittens, and you can avoid the stage of having them run up curtains and scratching everything. They don't have to be very old either.

Perhaps you could make it less that the cat is the gift, and focus on the process as being DD's gift? Say that one of them will be hers, and she can help to pick out the cats( maybe you do a pre visit), choose the name, accessories like a cat bed etc, but the cat is always talked about as an independent being that you care for, not the present itself? I agree that it isn't an inanimate object you can put in a box to hand over, but becoming a cat carer is an exciting experience that is the real present here.

FWIW, my DD is all grown up and some of our happiest memories have cats as part of them.

Thanks @Meredithwho for starting the discussion on singles/pairs or more, I was starting to feel a bit of retrospective guilt for my old cat! He was a really good boy and never seemed sad/distressed to be alone, would come for a cuddle if he felt like it or at bedtime but preferred sitting alone during the day. I sometimes saw him playing with one specific cat that belonged to the neighbours but mostly he stuck to solitary adventures 😊
Good point about the mum/kitten combo- this actually happened with a friend's cat now I think of it, mum moved a few doors down!

I did check and indeed one of the rescues will only re-home in pairs, or to a household that already has a cat. The other two don't specify this though. Really undecided- I can see the benefits of two but it doubles everything, I never had insurance etc before but was going to this time- and it would complicate things massively if they didn't get along!

I had brother and sister kittens and they got on quite well though did fight (boy tried to mate with his sister even though they were both done.

My adopted cat originally was in a home with her sister. You’d see them locally doing everything together, outside at all hours of the day and night. About 4 years ago (she’s 13) they separated and did things by themselves more and her sister has now moved to a different town. I do say “where’s Lola?” to her sometimes and she looks at me but who knows if she misses her.

Friends have Tonkinese brother and sister. Very close as kittens now 5, but now roam over the house and are separate more so. They both steal food from humans, whether at same time as each other I don’t know.

I’ve seen my brother and sister combo catching a mouse together so I think they spur each other on that way. 2 are better than one that way sometimes. Someone here a while ago wrote that her 2 sibling cats caught a rat, one did one thing to it, the other did the other to it and killed it. Sounds about right.

Kittens sleeping and playing and exploring and learning together is very cute though. I do think it’s kinder sometimes to get siblings as at least when they’re rehomed as kittens to owners as they have each other for company.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about only having 1 cat. As long as they get played with and stimulated as a kitten I genuinely think they are happy as adults on their own. Stress induced issues in cats can be an absolute nightmare and it would be awful to have 2 and have to rehome 1. Also if you can only really afford to insure 1 then it is better to do that and be the responsible owner than get 2, possibly not be able to insure them and then have complicated stress related issues down the line!

The best present I ever got was a puppy for Christmas when I was 11. Sounds like it was breaking all the rules... I had been asking for some time for a dog of my own (as opposed to family dogs) and we were fostering this one already. Over 50 years later I can remember the surprise and joy of finding a collar and lead in my stocking. I walked her every day after school, whatever the weather, and we tramped for miles over the moors at weekends, a wonderful antidote to teenage angst. Your daughter is plenty old enough to care for a cat and have that listening ear during the teenage years.

I have had cats all my life - as an adult I had only had cats about 7 months old plus.

last year we got two kittens from a rescue - we saw them at 9 weeks and took them home 12 weeks.

i must admit it’s been lovely seeing them grow up and their personalities change. Although they are more sensible they are over a year old now watching them chase each or a big round the garden is really nice and it brings back those kitten days.

my daughter thinks we have the best of both worlds - one of them was obviously the runt of the litter and she is tiny and still looks really young so my daughter jokes we have a forever kitten.

If you want to get her a kitten then get her a kitten. Please don’t get it for her birthday though. Animals aren’t gifts.

This. But get a cat tomorrow. Don’t wait. They fill a house with love. You know the responsibilities involved. Your daughter is keen now.

(Sorry I love cats, can you tell)

I'm surprised that's such a definite rule. All of mine have been "last one standing" kittens from odd-numbered litters, with no suggestion that we should pair it up with another.

Definitely get two, adopt of course and chances are, they’ll either come already neutered or be done in their first 3/4 weeks with you. They’ll still need keeping in until they’re more mature and a little bit sensible but neutering being done helps. You’ve had cats before so you know what that entails, as long as they’re really family pets, I don’t see an issue with them being a present really.

I wouldnt get two. If you have two they bond to each other and wont be as interested in coming to your DD for a fuss etc. We got 1 last time and shes fab, we put in the effort to keep her occupied as a kitten & she bonded very closely to my little DD who worships her.

Also they will play together as kittens but thats a short part of their life and they often ignore each other or can fight later on, adult cats often prefer to live alone. if you dont want/can't afford two cats long term get one. Unfortunately rescues might be stubborn about this as they are very blinkered about kittens going in pairs & dont think long term about it.

Also be very careful with rescues. A lot of their kittens come from feral or semi feral queens and are harder to socialise than a kitten from a well socialised pet. Rescues are often not open about this. Kittens are easy to sell/give away so litters from pet cats dont often end up in rescues.

You need to get 2.

I would absolutely get two, but from the same litter. Either boy and girl or two girls. I've had two pairs of cats during my adult life and would never consider just one now. They keep each other company. Insurance is not so expensive if you get it immediately and personally the extra expense of 1 vs 2 cats is 100% worth it.

Bullshit

Our rescue only rehomes kittens in pairs unless they come to us as a single kitten. It isn't just about the company, kittens still have a lot if learning to do and play fighting is very important in teaching them acceptable levels of biting and scratching.

Anyone experienced with a single younger kitten will know the sting of needle sharp claws and tiny teeth as they learn how to interact with their new world. You can teach them slowly but a pair of kittens learn much faster. (A litter of foster kittens learn quickly even without mum)

This is also why most rescues won't home to families with children under 12, children getting hurt by a kitten is a frequent claim for "return to rescue". Older cats are returned because "they don't like our child/children" after a week.

A single kitten will need a lot of your time and attention. Leaving them alone for long periods of time is unfair and our rescue will not home a single kitten to full time working people with children, they simply don't have the time a kitten needs. Pairs only or an older cat with a similar background.

It's wonderful you are a firm adopt don't shop believer @ACatCalled and it sounds like a pair of kittens will have a great life with you and your daughter will respect their need for independence as well as attention.

I agree with @ToKittyornottoKitty. Everything you have said is bullshit.

@ACatCalled feral or semi feral kittens are socialised by rescues before homing. Unfortunately some "bosses" refuse to even try with kittens over 8 weeks old but this is also bullshit and even older kittens can be socialised with experienced fosters.

Every single one of my specific 101 kittens (from a single season) were feral born. Various ages. By the time they were homed at 12 - 20 weeks, as some were definitely neutered before homing, they were no different to a kitten born in a house.

Your narrative @ToffeeCrabApple is partly why rescues are overwhelmed. I have also socialised and homed feral adult cats so you are so very wrong.