Want a baby.. or is it hormones?

[Ovariesofdoom]

I’m 35 and my partner is 42.
We have two children 15 & 10.

For some reason, I have been feeling horribly broody and really want another baby! 🙈
Please tell me the pros & cons.
We could afford to do so, but would need the older two to potentially share a bedroom.
The only issue I have is that I have a history of recurrent miscarriages (12 in total) & when I last gave birth I lost a lot of blood & had to be rushed to theatres.

Am I absolutely crazy for even considering it? Or is it just that time in a woman’s life where hormones go crazy?

Do not do this to your older teens , they will not thank you.

i think you’re a bit crazy, yes. I think you should concentrate on the children you have and their needs. Would it be fair to them for you to potentially be very poorly again, to share a room and to have lots of your attention on a baby when they’re in their teen years? I have children of a similar age and I wouldn’t choose to have a third as I don’t think it would be putting them first. Hoping that doesn’t come across as harsh. 10 and 15 are tough ages to be expected to share a room all of a sudden, or 11/16, 12/17 whatever they would be. Big age gaps there for kids who would very much be needing their own space, especially if they’ve always been used to having it

I think only you and your DH can decide this.

It would be really unfair for your older two to have to share because of your choices.

Not crazy, but you can't expect children to share bedrooms happily with those age gaps especially after being usef to their own rooms. Consider how you could accommodate your family before going ahead.

Sorry but it really doesn't work out well in the end for everyone, though it's good that you are happy with your choice.

I have children a similar age and could not imagine anything worse than having another.

I say this gently but do you feel there's something missing in your life that you think a child will fill ? You have older children and you're starting to get your own life back which can seem daunting.

@CheeseAndChocolatePARTY come on now did you read the post properly

op yes it's your hormones 😊

I would say don’t do it, on the basis it sounds like it would disadvantage the children you already have. You talk about them needing to share a room at that age too casually.

I wouldn’t with those age gaps.

It’s probably just been long enough to forget the worst parts. That you probably won’t sleep all night for 3 years. TTC can take a long time and become very all consuming and difficult mentally. Pregnancy after miscarriage (as I’m sure you know) is very difficult in itself. It will really impact your life and the lives of your current children.

Parenting 2 teenagers and a toddler also sounds like a ride 🤪

Could you get a dog or a kitten instead?

I already have 4 cats, I think I would have to declare insanity if I got another. 😂

No your all most likely right it’s just my hormones, I had my children very early on life with the idea of being one of those women in their late 30s/40s who doesn’t have to deal with nappies & toddler trantrums! Probably because my eldest is coming up to year 11 and youngest year 6 and I’ve forgotten how bad the newborn/toddlers actually were. It’s quite nice being able to have the occasional lie in when mine no longer wake up at the crack of dawn anymore!

I had a really late miscarriage 7 years ago at 22 weeks, and I think that’s what I feel like I am missing but I swore to myself then I wouldn’t go through it again. I need something to fill the void, already have a job I enjoy working at a nursery so maybe a new hobby or something.

I think you’d be unreasonable for a few reasons but mostly that you’ve had twelve miscarriages and that must have been incredibly emotionally and physically draining. I don’t think it’d be fair to willingly risk all that again whilst you have two children at home who need you.

I really don’t think you can ask 2 teens to start sharing when they have always been used to their own space it’ll cause all sorts of animosity towards the new younger sibling.

I'm sorry that must have been awful.

It is your decision but I have known people who have a similar set up and have another child when theirs are starting to get older. They had their children younger and they completely forgot how exhausting it is, especially when they're 10/15 years older.

It's hard not to end on a high.

I'm pregnant at the moment and frankly it's been terrible, by far my worst pregnancy so far, very touch and go until about 20 weeks. I sometimes have the fleeting thought of it would be nice to do this again but with a much more positive pregnancy but unfortunately we don't get to choose, it could be the same or worse. DH is going to have a vasectomy after this so we can't change our minds when we forget how hard it's been.

I can see that you feel like you're missing a DC after such a late loss but I'm not sure going through it all again at this stage of life is the solution.

Who said anything was wrong with 5 cats? 😂

Well if thats what you want why not. At 35 you're not that old. Thing is you might want a 4th to keep the new baby company because it might be like an only child.

No it's not the time when a woman's hormones go crazy! Plenty of women have their first child at 35.

Bluntly, I think you'd be mad to consider starting over (my youngest is eight and it already feels like a million years ago.)

If you're around babies a lot I think you're going to find it hard to move on from thinking about another because it's in your face every day

Yeah I think this is part of the issue. I have considered going to work as a teaching assistant or back to university to do a teaching degree.
I really enjoy working with kids, so I don’t want to go out of that zone but it is a bit of downer working with such young babies/toddlers. Maybe a bunch of 5-11 year olds would be better for me!

Would definitely not like a fourth. I think I’m a 2/3 and done type of mum which is a fairly good point my two are not going to be happy keeping a baby company. My eldest struggles with their sibling noises at times and that’s just shouting down the mic at his friends. 😂

And you're thinking of making your currently 15 year old share with that annoying 5 years younger sibling?

I'm pleased to see that you're seeing sense. the impact on your two existing children would be dreadful for them.

Put your existing children first. They will not be happy at having their bedrooms uprooted at all....

You say "the only issue I have" but have you thought of issues that the baby - this tiny thing that's going to become a full-grown human - would have with it. As someone who was born 'late' and has siblings as older as your DC will be if you have the baby, it's a horrible thing to grow up with. You never lose the being the baby mantle. You're overlooked, underestimated, don't have a voice, bullied and hated for being the baby. It's isolating and difficult. And what about your current children? Have you thought about how it might affect them?