AIBU to feel upset by comments about being a one-child family?

[Greengingham]

Someone recently said that having just one child means you’re not a “proper family”. I know people say things without thinking sometimes, but it really hit a nerve.

I have one DS age 7 (partly by choice, because of neurodiversity and post natal depression), and I sometimes already worry about whether he’s missing out by not having a sibling. I’ve had those little moments of guilt wondering if I should have given him a brother or sister, even though I know there are lots of reasons families look different.

But the idea that our family somehow isn’t a real one, because there’s only one child really upset me.
My child is loved, supported and cherished. We spend time together, make memories and he has a family who would do anything for him.
Surely a family is about love, security and belonging - not the number of children in it?

I know only children can have happy, fulfilled childhoods, but I’d love to hear from other parents of only children. Have you ever had comments like this, and did it bother you?

Ignore stupid comments like this. I have a DS also, and I don’t feel like he misses out. He has great friends at school, he never asks about a sibling.
i have a DB and we’re not close at all, never have been even since kids. In the nicest way, it’s not as though he enriched my life.
some people are just idiots for saying what they think. Nothing wrong with a one child family.

I think you should just ignore whoever said that and crack on with your life with your lovely (and totally proper) family 😊

@Greengingham
I understand how other people’s comments can affect our feelings, but the first stage to preventing this is to acknowledge it, as you have.

There’s no need for you to hear any opinions on what type of family is best, because that’s the whole point. You should try and build a fortress around your own feelings regarding this issue so that they will stand ground when you hear differently.

Siblings can make life miserable, as much as they can add to it. It’s all about genuine connection. If you can foster that with other children and people in your son’s life, you’re doing better than alot of parents with 2+ kids

The parent with more than 2 children gets comments about too many children.

The parent with just girls gets a comment about whether they are going to try for a boy (or if their DH feels left out).

The parent with just boys gets asked about whether they feel they are missing out not having a girl.

The parent will small age gaps between two children gets told they must be mad.

The parent with large age gaps between two children gets told they might as well have just had one child.

The parent with an older girl and a younger boy gets told "it's the wrong way round".

I could go on. You get the idea. All parents get these comments. They are thoughtless and mindless. Ignore.

Who on earth in 2026 made that sort of comment? What an outdated point of view and so incredibly weird. Was it you mum or MIL by any chance? I'm in my late sixties and I only ever had one child. That was back in the late 70's and nobody ever said that sort of thing to me even then. Occasionally people would ask if I was planning another but that's just par for the course. Don't let such a ridiculous comment make you feel bad. The vast majority of kids given the choice would far prefer to be only children. They don't want to share their toys or parents' love and time with another one. I mean honestly who would! I know so many people with siblings who fought like cat and dog as children and who aren't especially close as adults. I was able to give my son one on one attention in a way that I couldn't have with two and he definitely benefitted from it and isn't remotely bothered about not having a sibling. I think women so often have another child just because it's the "done thing" but quite frankly in this day and age it's becoming less and less the norm.

Families come in shapes and sizes, ignore such rude comments but just a word of caution, if you only have one child, be careful about over inviting others to your house to compensate especially on weekends, my dd had a friend whose mother kept asking my dd around on Saturdays to basically keep her only child company, generous family, inviting her out to expensive places like theme parks (not birthday) etc but it wasn’t fair on my other dd, and caused a lot of upset because at least 50% of the time I had to say no, my family dynamic worked with 2 kids, whilst I allowed them to do different things, not every weekend! Luckily my dd switched schools to a different lea (middle school system) and friendship fizzled. So basically if you are inviting kids around at weekends rotate who they are (unless they are an only and the parents are happy

We're in a similar situation, actively chose not to have another as DS is autistic, and whats to say that another child wouldn't have a completely opposing set of needs - I couldn't do that to him.

Im one of 4. We are all incredibly different. Big age gaps, so none of us really "grew up" with each other, have never been close. Just because you come from the same parents, doesn't mean that you're going to have a good relationship.

Families are what we make them. Whether that includes 1 kid or 12 kids or two mums or a single dad or kinship carers... Don't let others comments impact the happiness of your family

That’s a really horrible thing to say - they definitely don’t know what they’re talking about - of course you are a proper family.

My two closest friends are only children and both have a close relationship with their parents and lots of friends. On the other hand I barely speak to my sister. They have a much stronger sense of family as adults than I do, even though I have a sibling.

Ignore other people and their shit opinions - no one knows about the inner workings of your family life other than the three members of your (absolute proper) family.

Anyone who makes silly comments like this about my DD is swiftly reminded that her little sister died before being born. It soon shuts them up.

We are lucky that DD loves being an only.

We had only one child, who is now a 30 years old adult. I don't think I ever heard anybody making such crass comments and would have given them short shrift if I had.

I am sure our DD had a happy childhood and was well supported with a loving family, grandparents, wider family and friends. She certainly now seems to have grown into a happy, well-balanced adult and we have a great relationship.

Anyway, it seems more and more common these days for people to have just one child so you might find you are the new normal for family.

What a ridiculous comment.
We just have the one and it was an active decision.
We are definitely a family, why wouldn’t we be?
DS is thriving and I know that we have been able to give him far more opportunities and attention because he’s an only child.

We are one and done by 💯 choice. No reason we couldn’t have more, just decided we didn’t want to Works well for our family. We are a team of 3. DD says she is glad she doesn’t have siblings. We love our « proper » little family

Who said it to you?

YANBU

I briefly wanted siblings in my teens but only so I could go out with imaginary brother's hot friends.

Othee than that, not so much. A couple of my oldest friends are also only children and about the most gregarious people I know.

In the 1980s I used to get called 'spoilt" all the time and was made to feel it was a real failing of my parents to have only the one child and in their mid 30s. By the time I was at sixth form college it was much more normal or regular within the group I mixed with.

A minority of people will make idiotic comments regardless. Happily childfree? Oh, you must be so unfulfilled/you're not a proper woman.
Two of the same sex? Oh you must try for the opposite sex.
Three or more kids? How irresponsible, you are destroying the planet.
It's impossible to please all of the people, all of the time, so just ignore it.

Yes I had those comments before we had DS2 as there is a 8 year age gap. Questions about when a sibling would be appearing began when DS1 was about 3. SIL did once say something like ‘ you don’t know what parenting is really like until you’ve got two’, and then apologised. She knew I’d had one mc, but not the other two.

We went on to have DS2, but I was thick- skinned enough to push back hard before. I started replying ‘your guess is as good as mine, I’ve just had my third mc’ or similar. I decided it would hopefully teach them never to say it to someone who might be less tough than me.

YABU to be upset and take personally a ridiculous statement like that. Who cares?

Some people are still banging on mothers not being real mothers if they didn't have a "real" birth (but c-section) or didn't breast-feed 😂😂. Idiots don't deserve your upset.

Younger kids need a lot more time and attention from their parents because you can't send them to play with their siblings, and you work harder to make sure they have a social life so your house is the open house for playdates and parties! It's fantastic for kids to have a friend who is a single child. Parents also tend to invite a friend to outings to entertain their child, and friends get along a lot better than many siblings.

When they grow up, they have the entire budget, and don't have to decline trips or holidays or clubs, because there's no siblings to share the pot with.

There's nothing negative in having a single child when you are an involved parent.

I could have made my peace with having one. I certainly don’t regret having DS2 at 40, but I could have been happy with just DS1.

Ridiculous comment. Our 25 year old DD is intelligent, adventurous and sociable.
When she was smaller, she definitely wanted a sibling.
Since being about 9 she said unprompted tht she's glad she is the sole one.

What a strange thing to say. I can't imagine telling someone their family isn't a proper one. Just ignore this odd character.

I had 4 siblings. I wish id been an only child. Competing with the others for resources and parental time was awful. My mother ' gave' us siblings in her words. She wanted lots of kids none of us kids asked for them. I had to look after my younger sibling which I resented,having to go to bed really early so they'd go to sleep without a fuss. My older sibling had to look after both of us until I was older which she hated. There was so much competition and resentment. No one asked us if we wanted another sibling. We'd of all said no. Obviously theres a lot of larger families that worked brilliantly but theres a lot that didn't. My mother had to work as well as my dad to pay for us so we never saw her and my dad resented us because we " took" his money and mums time. Also there are favourites with a big family who get more than others. We aren't close either we never have been. I know this is a bigger than 2 siblings example but its rarely like the Waltons.

Ignore silly comments OP. We are also one and done by choice and I have never regretted it. And of course some people can't have more than one, or their much loved child dies.

I don't know why people feel you need to justify only having one child. It's not like going through a pregnancy is an easy process for most of us and that's before they are even born!

Absolutely agree with this!

Of course you have a "real" family.
Sometimes I wonder if people who say that regret having more than one. Why else would they say it?