Why am I talking myself out of this?

[JMSA]

I work full-time and have a weekend job on top. I’m a single mum; my eldest has her own place but my 20 and 17 year olds are at home.
I swore to myself that this summer, I’d treat myself to a solo holiday for a week. I ached for it. I was so looking forward to the break away from everything. My kids have had their holiday and I’m taking them abroad in October. My passport needed to be renewed and I prayed that it would arrive in time (there is only one specific week where I can go away, due to work). It did. I have been researching holidays fanatically - the curse and blessing of having an obsessive personality!
But now that I can actually do it, I’m freaking out in a small way. ‘It’s too expensive’, ‘the money could be put elsewhere’, ‘I feel guilty’, ‘what if I hate it and it’s all a big waste.’
What is wrong with me? The money is there and I work hard for it. I always set the holiday price filter ‘low to high’, so it’s not like I’m going to go extravagant! The kids are responsible and will be fine. In fact, they’d encourage it. I think it’s mainly the money, but I can afford it. Still, I thought the prices may have come down by now, as I’d be leaving in a week! I am honestly not a martyr who struggles to be kind to herself. But I’ve just had a complete turnaround and don’t understand why. This is someone who was repeatedly checking her passport application status daily!
Can anyone relate?

Sounds like the cost is too high vs what you had intended to spend?

Have you holidayed solo before? Could it be apprehension about going away by yourself, maybe?

Is it going away solo that's holding you back. Maybe with a friend you would look forward to it more.

Why not book something for September when cheaper?

Just personally I think I’d feel guilty the kids weren’t coming. I’d be fine when I got there but any chance it feels like you’re treating yourself too much (you’re absolutely not, but stupid mum guilt can whack you!!)

My main job is in a school (Scotland), so that’s out of the question sadly.

Don't say that!
I was just about to suggest that OP was doing the 'letting perfect be the enemy of good' thing. She is obsessively searching for the perfect holiday and cannot settle for 'this looks nice'.

OP, go on your holiday and enjoy yourself. I think you are worrying because you think it’s a bit self-indulgent, but if you work two jobs, you more than deserve it. Pack your suncream, buy a frivolous beach dress and enjoy!

I’ve been away by myself a few years ago - for 5 days - and felt quite mixed about it. I was just about to start a new job at the time though, so that probably added to the quiet apprehension!
I’m an introvert who probably likes the thought of a solo holiday more than the reality.

I love going away solo. The days of cheap last minute getaways are pretty much over though, unless you’re very flexible.

Go. Just book it. Do it today. 💐

Op, you need to go. I do exactly the same as you’re doing but you will regret not going. Take the week for yourself and enjoy every moment!

Aww, thanks!

@JMSAexactly this! Once you book and spend the money it will be done and you can then just enjoy your well earned holiday.

Thanks. I do think I’d regret not going when I get back to school.

Thank you everyone! Need to go and get ready for the weekend job, but I appreciate the replies.

Go…pop over to the holiday section and search up solo holidays, been some great suggestions previously or start your own thread for ideas. Definitely go though!

Have a great time OP! Book something & go, once you get there you'll be so glad you did.

I feel like this - in the winter I am desperate for a holiday and some sunshine. As soon as we get some sun here it doesn’t seem so important, and I have better things to spend my money on.

Still, I thought the prices may have come down by now, as I’d be leaving in a week!
Is this the problem? Are you still living in the land of last-minute-getaways?
The price of everything seems to keep going up. I just about get my head around a price increase and accept that it is the 'new normal', and then it goes up again!!
Would a staycation suit you better, where you make an effort to get out of the house and away from chores. To try new things/places (that you want to do but nobody else does) and have a bit of an adventure. All in the spirit of a change is as good as a rest.
You still have your October holiday to look forward to.

I always try to remember to work to live, not to live to work. You should spend the money. You work hard and you deserve to reward yourself.

I understand the searching list ‘low to high’ One of my daydreams to to search for everything ‘highest to lowest’ price. I’ll keep dreaming!

I always have that feeling when I’m about to pull the trigger on something that’s just for me. I think it’s spending money on myself can feel self indulgent, while also knowing the money is there and the kids have everything they need and want.

In your shoes I’d book something, you have the money, the kids are fine and it’s good for them to see you doing something for yourself.

Ha ha, one of these days!

Absolutely this

You must go! What about a few days for a city break instead of a longer break?

OP, do you know where you want to go?

A friend at work goes solo multiple times a year now, often for 4 or 5 days. She joined a Facebook group for solo travellers to the specific area, then every time she goes there is a group of other solo travellers she can connect with. It is very easy going, she can then choose to either join others for meals, trips etc. Or if she prefers time alone can just do her own thing. Just thought this might be an option as well if you know where you want to go and can take some if the anxiety away about going on your own?