AIBU to feel uneasy after seeing nursery staff handle my toddler?

[Pinkstuffs]

Went to collect DS 2YO from nursery this evening as usual. He was playing outside, I stood on the decking for a second watching him playing to see if he would notice me. When I was watching a staff member who had her back to me snatched the toy he was holding in a really rough way and yelled at him to share in a really nasty voice. She took the toy over to another girl who was playing with something else and was shaking her head at my DS and saying something I couldn’t hear.

AIBU that this has made me feel really uneasy? Generally the nursery seems good and DS is happy about going but they have had a lot of staff changes recently. The staff member I think knew she was wrong, when she noticed me there and realised I had witnessed the whole thing she went red and turned her back to me, didn’t say anything else. I know DS is not perfect and he needs to share but it was tone of her voice and roughness when taking the toy off him that surprised me. I’m not sure how and if I should approach it with the nursery staff either?

Can you just move nurseries ?
Not to worry you but when my ds was 3 (a long time ago! ) I saw similar the manager at his nursery was right in his face almost snarling at him saying something I couldn’t hear-they were in the outside area and I was watching as was early, I then saw her pull him by his arm sharply and shout at him he couldn’t have snack again the next day.

I complained and she then reported ME to social services saying she had witnessed me acting abusively and that she thought he was being neglected . We had a full child protection investigation. I wish I’d just never said anything and hadn’t sent him back ever again.

Shouting nastily and snatching roughly, not ‘speaking harshly’. And if OP is too afraid of confrontation to mention it to nursery then moving them is a suitable alternative. But really she should just mention it and stand up for her child

Please make a huge effort to get over your fear of confrontation and dealing with a difficult situation for yours and your children’s sake.

Confronting an issue doesn’t mean getting angry and losing your cool but being firm and clear about your position. Look out for some assertiveness training, even reading books with about how to be assertive will help.

My parents were both hopelessly passive and let people walk all over them and I learnt to stand up for myself in my early teens when our bitchy neighbour had a go at me for no reason. She was used to my parents letting her get away with all sorts of nonsense but I’d had enough! She was stunned into silence and never tried to hassle me again.

In this case, use some of the ideas on this thread and practise saying them out loud in front of a mirror and then do it for real. The more often you do it, the easier it will get.

You owe it to yourself and your children!

Have a word with the manager. If you don't like confrontation, approach it as "I was a bit concerned that one of your staff (who I haven't seen before) seemed at the end of her tether when I picked up yesterday, getting cross with the kids. I know it was a long, hot day, but I thought you'd want to be aware." It might well turn out that she was an agency fill-in, in which case you might be quickly reassured that she's unlikely to be there again.

I don´t get this long hot day thing (seen repeatedly on this thread), we have long hot days from May to October in my part of Spain, so screaming and snatching at kids is ok because the weather is warm for 5 months?
A professional who works with small children has to have certain skills and tools at her disposal in order to manage children and realistic expectations.
You have a kid op so even though sometimes we are shocked into silence by events there is no excuse for following up when something doesn´t sit well. It is literally your job as a mum.

I totally see why you can’t just scoop him up and remove him from his childcare place when you have two dc there and a job of work to do. But I do think other posters are right that you need to report this factually and quickly. What happens next depends on how well they deal with your complaint. You need to know how they investigated and what they’re doing to safeguard your child.

No, YANBU. I would be livid ánd would have confronted her immediately.

I once had a bad experience picking up my grandson - then 18 m.o. and only just started walking. I didn't see him in the room, asked, looked around, and found him in the bathroom/changing room. They had sat him on a potty, where he sat sofly moaning, his little face bloated from tears, leaning into the wall. He had been there for a while, he was scared and exhausted and had an angry red ring on his behind from sitting on the potty so long. The staffmember who put him there arrogantly told me he had been a bit unsettled and been asking for his pacifier and that she thought he was constipated and put him on the potty - alone in the bathroom - he wasn't fully pottytrained yet - and had no support whatsoever for getting óf that potty on his own.
I grabbed him, didn't bother to put a diaper on him, swaddled him in my coat and carried him outside.
I had seen before that she really didn't like him, but doing something so cruel?

Of course I immediately told my son and DIL and they took it up at drop-of the next day.

That person first claimed I had been exagerating but I had photographed the red welt on his behind, so they knew I had told the truth.
Then she said it had been a very busy day bla bla bla bla.
My son and DiL asked me not to take it further, theynwere afraidnhe would,lose his place. So I didn't.

But.....I told that young woman that if she éver even lóóked at my grandson the wrong way I would denounce her to the manager of the daycare - and of the majority of daycare centers in our town - who I happen to know very well.
She believed me, and she better.

Kids need to be spoken to sharply sometimes if they are hurting others but I think the nursery manager should try to foster gentleness among it's staff, and putting the children first, they are our future and their parents depend on them.
A good nursery worker is worth their weight in gold.

OMG I’m extremely non-confrontational but I would’ve EXPLODED with rage. Jesus f Christ.

Complain loudly

Their is this false misconception all have that childcare staff teachers like all the children they care for . This person sounds and acts like she doesn't like your child op I wouldn't want her near him .

Remove your child asap . A worker doing this will easily slap , beat and smack a child too . I ignored signs like this and my 2 year old was being abused by nursery staff a senior one while the junior ones where scared to say something . Please don’t let your child in that environment. I only found out as I caught them red flagged throwing go my child on a table and spit her lip . I saw it and they stil denied it even to police .

I used to volunteer at my children's primary school when they were little. Seeing the way the reception and y1 kids were handled and spoken to by the TA there shocked me to the core. I registered a formal complaint with the head and BOG and removed my son from the class. Small children learn by example. It is one thing to be tired and hot, quite another for a grown adult, who will be intimidating to a much smaller child, to snatch and shout.

And yet because you apparently 'hate confrontation', you said absolutely nothing?

How is this going to work for the rest of your child's life?

Advocating for your children is a very important part of parenting, even if you do find it difficult.

He's 2yrs old, sharing isn't something they are expected to learn developmentally untill between age three and five. Shouting at a small child and removing a toy roughly and behaving in an irritated manor afterwards(walking away shaking head and continuing talking)is not acceptable behaviour from a childcare professional, who should have understanding of this and tolerance of age appropriate behaviour.
YANBU
At the least raise with management whilst looking for any other viable options.

I agree.

Yanbu that's not on at all. You need to speak to the manager and ask her to review the CCTV and request she is removed from the room with your son. It's their job to look after him..if he is not sharing to encourage and teach him .not to shout and him. I would worry day in and day out they he isn't being looked after properly. Do something

Sorry but a bit tough love.....As a mother you need to fix your fear of confrontation fast. You have a little person that can't defend himself, it is your job to defend him.
You can't just stand and watch a grown adult being nasty to your little 2 year old boy and not do anything to help him.

You are putting your desire to not feel discomfort over your sons feelings. If I had to pick between me feeling bad and my son feeling bad I would pick me everytime.

You need to report her at a minimum and demand that you watch the cctv of her with your son across several days.

Report her definitely! I sometimes collect my nephew (once a month) from nursery as my work is a 5 min drive/10 min walk there, and if I ever heard/saw that happen with him, I wouldn’t say anything at the time but I’d complain to the nursery (as I saw/heard it) and tell the parents. Luckily none of the staff I know of there would ever do that, they all seem saint like even at pick up time! They happily answer questions as to how he’s been, what he’s eaten during the day. They know his 8 year old brother too. Collection time is 5pm onwards.

When my DC was at nursery, i saw something that made me uncomfortable- rough handling of a child who had wet themselves. I spoke to the manager the next day as was seriously considering taking my DC to another nursery. Within a week then worker was gone. You won't have been the first one to notice unkind behaviour from that worker.

Massive red flag. People who don't like kids shouldn't work with them. Was this in public / view of passerbys? Imagine what she does when no chance of someone witnessing. And the other red flag is her reaction when caught. No apology, no attempt to explain or own up to the mistake. Imagine someone like that looking after your child..

I think you’re under-reacting here. This is 100% unacceptable behaviour from a nursery worker. I am surprised you didn’t report to manager immediately ? It is your job to be your child’s voice and keep them safe. I would be moving my child for sure.

Please ask for a meeting with the manager and make her aware of this. A nursery is only as good as the manager running it. However if she is not aware there are staff potential staff issues then she can't address these matters. Let her know what you witnessed and tge reasons for your concern. Tone of voice. Pitch of voice. Snatching the toy. Her visible discomfort when she realised mum has overheard her. Your son needs you to advocate for him. Please do it.

The carer should be removed. Not your children.

That is horrible 🙁

100% report it tomorrow my love