Can’t get outdoor toys because of DHs dream garden 🙄

[LeaveTheSweetsAlone]

Sort of lighthearted?

DH has been planning his dream garden for 5 years now - since we bought this house.

Now this garden hasn’t happened because of funds - it would need levelling etc, he wants to do patio and a pergola, it’s a nice to have and not a necessity. Also we both work FT and honestly NEVER sit in the garden. It’s also super hot in this weather, no shade whatsoever so it’s not even pleasant to do the odd BBQ on a Sunday.

But guess who does use it? DC! Of course they do, it’s way more entertaining than the house. Weekends, after school, love it.

So I said to DH let’s get a little play house in there, maybe a slide, one of those proper swings. They have a trampoline but that’s now turned to shit after a few years.

He is ADAMANT we cannot put garden toys in there because the “wood is just going to rot” and “it’s just another thing to get rid of when he does the garden up nice”. THE SAME GARDEN HES BEEN DOING UP FOR FIVE YEARS NOW. As it stands it’s just a patch of grass with some pebbles. DCs love the weeds though so it’s ok.

So AIBU to put my foot down, get a parasol and some stuff for them to enjoy or respect that it’s the only space that’s ‘his’ to decide on (I’ve furnished and designed everything else and the trade off was garden was his 😂)?

Or in true MN fashion, just LTB 😂

Get the parasol and some garden games. I’m not sure how much use slides and swings get tbh - maybe depends if you’ve got a playground nearby. But we had all sorts of other things over the years. A playhouse can serve later for storing supersoakers, swingball etc etc. Paddling pool is an essential - I wish we still had one with these heatwaves!

Are you seriously going to go along with him depriving your kids of your outdoor space and a play area because he has a picture in his head that he's done nothing about for years?

Wake up! He's an asshat in this and your kids enjoyment of an outside play space should take priority here.

Make a nice seating area, table and chairs and a big umbrella, and add some toys and a couple big things the kids will use and you can eat outside, the kids can play and burn off energy, and your husband can plan the garden in his head.

Get a tent and camp out back on a nice weekend. Get a hammock and watch the stars or a telescope of you have a nice sky view and do some stargazing.

I would get rid of the trampoline, they're future ER visits and insurance views them dimly, at least here.

I just find it so bizarre. It’s like saying you want children but refuse to give them a play area. Surely this is what’s fun about having a kid?

If you get a nice big playhouse, between that and a garden storage box you can put the rest of the toys away under cover during winter.

I love gardening and I love my garden, but I accept, without question, that it's the family home, the kids won't be young long, the swings will go before they hit 12, the trampoline by 15, the basketball hoop may last longer, I'll reclaim it in phases until they grow, but basically he's being a T*.

We had a lovely wooden playhouse that lasted 10 years, 2 house moves and 3 kids. Any garden toys can be stored in it over winter. Quoits went down particularly well with my kids.

Dream garden when they are older, right now kit it out for the DCs to enjoy.

Define wasted. They used it and grew out of it. Buy the stuff.

My lord this is sad.
We have a TINY garden and when we moved in, it became my domain. For a year it was just concrete and pebbles (dd was only a few months old.)
Its now house to a fabulous mud kitchen and VEGETABLES!!! she absolutely loves growing fruit and veg so now we have about 20 different things growing all over the place. First thing in the morning she's out there with me checking her plants. Evenings, she's out making potions and puddings in her kitchen. We don't have room for a slide or Wendy house unfortunately, but she spends more time in there than either me or DH so she gets to decide what she wants in there 🤣🤣 my picture perfect garden can wait until I'm older, she loves it and thats the main thing 😍😍 just do it

Sounds like you need a new patio.

Always an alibi here op.

Get the toys! How old are DC?

We have completely transformed our garden over the past 8 years, but one thing we have always allocated space for is the DCs swing and slide set and made sure to keep a patch of lawn for football and cartwheels. They're 8 and 10 and use the swings all the time.

I would hate this type of relationship.
If I want my kids to have a toy I just buy it, I don’t seek out permission from DH.

If you have had a trampoline for so long it’s basically unusable surely the children can’t be young enough for a playhouse?

You might think this is not ltb territory and find it really hilarious for some bizarre reason op, but I would absolutely not want a partner who was so horrendously selfish. That is just downright mean to deny the kids play equipment they would love for no reason. It’s a kind of terrible parenting which I don’t begin to understand.

Who are these selfish cunting men who try to be boss of the garden.

Just buy them the playhouse and slides climbing frame etc yourself.
they’re only young for a short few years!
PS is your husband always a selfish dick ?

I've lived in my house for nearly 40 years and I would say don't delay doing the garden unless you plan to move.
Our DC were born ten years after we moved in. Lots of changes were made for their benefit. Pond covered over, sand pit, flower bed grassed over to maximise space for football. A wooden playhouse and a trampoline. They are all grown up now and the garden has reverted to being for adults.

Not equipping the garden for children is like not changing the house for children. No stair gates, cots, toys boxes, no kiddy wallpaper etc.

It’s not exactly unusable, just grubby and the zip on the net is broken. There’s a 4Y age gap between the two DC. They still go on it, but it’s not a massive trampoline either (probably smallest size you can get) so it’s not a long activity for them

This.

Your husband should remember that his main role at this point of his life is to be a FATHER to his children!

So I don’t seek out permission for toys generally, they have a play room and whatever is in there he doesn’t say anything about. The garden stuff is more because it’s a fixture of some sort, also he has to build it ha! so it’s not about permission, but a joint decision

Anyways, this was the argument last summer really and after I started this thread I tactically text DH in the middle of his work day ‘hey birthdays are coming up, should we get them a playhouse as a joint present’ and I got a text back ‘that sounds cool’ so I’m taking that as a green light to order 🤣 if he says anything when it turns up I’ve got receipts 🤣

Are they allowed a paddling pool?

Oh yeah, that’s tiny and then scrunches up in to a ball afterwards - I just want to clarify I’m not talking about portable small items - more permanent fixtures

Best investment we made was setting up our garden for the dcs, especially over summer. We have a giant trampoline, had a playhouse that lasted about 10 years, slide that would double as a water slide durning summer when we put it into the paddling pool. Various toys would become “outdoor toys” like an old kitchen or play dressing table, they’d go outside to eventually die when new stuff was bought for indoors. We also had an outside patio box that stored things like skipping ropes, balls and other outdoor toys.

These days as the DCs are older 9-14yo we have a new trampoline that is still used, they all love doing gymnastics on it or just hanging out chatting with friends on it. The play house has been replaced with a mini greenhouse that my 9yo grows things in with DH and a few things like hula hoops etc but it’s now mainly a hang out area with lots of big cushions and bean bags, fairy lights for them and their friends.

We have a big trampoline and a swing set. DH didn’t want either because it makes mowing around them a bit of a pain. You know what makes up for that? The years of enjoyment, entertainment and physical activity that the kids have had out of them.

We've lived in this house for 30 years, a year after we moved in we got a (massive) Little Tykes playground. DH waited 10 years for that to be finished with so he could have the garden how he wanted it. Then dgd arrived (she lives with us) and the toys came again, she's 11 now and he's just dug and levelled a patch so she can have a big pool.

As he says, the garden will still be there when she's grown up.

I think there are more people than you'd realise who have children because 'it's what you do' but don't actually want to share their time or space in reality ☹️ I've got a friend whose husband won't even let the children have any of 'his' food from the fridge (basic things like yoghurts etc!).