AIBU to think DH’s SAHM expectations are too much? **Content Warning - mention of suicide**

[TraitorsSandwich]

I’m a SAHM to an 18 month old, I love being at home with him but I’m struggling to keep up with DH’s expectations of me being at home and I’m just wondering if he’s expecting too much ?

DH does work long hours in a stressful job so he’s out the house early and back after DS goes to sleep so 100% of the day to day childcare is on me.

I do all the cleaning, laundry, ironing (although DH does put his laundry away), all the tidying, clearing up after dinner etc, running errands, I make DH’s lunch to take into work. Once in a blue moon DH will cook dinner but usually a bbq so I’ve still done everything aside from the meat.

DH does the gardening, washes his car (not mine tho!!) and managing the household finances. I’m sure he would say there are other things he does but on a day to day basis I can’t really think of them off the top of my head.

Anyway, he’s started saying I should also be doing the household finances as he doesn’t have the time during the working day to be sorting it all out. Also things like our garden fences need painting and he thinks I should be doing that too.

i feel like I’m barley keeping on top of what I need to do anyway - I’m lucky that DS does a decent nap in the day but when he’s awake it’s impossible to get anything done unless I stick him in front of the tv which I don’t really want to be doing the whole time. AIBU to think I’m doing more than my fair share ? I feel like DH thinks I’ve got the whole working day to be sorting the house out when in reality it’s full on with our boy.

Do the finances and put money aside for a cleaner once a week for a couple of hours (while you go out ) and a babysitter or childminder so you can get out on your own - imv that is required for a happy mum

He can paint the fence at the weekend or pay someone to do it. There’s no way this would fly with an 18 month old who will inevitably try to touch it 1000 times!

Also, I do recommend looking at returning to work. If your marriage doesn’t last you’ll be very stuck.

The only role you fit, in his mind, as being a 'mum', is the role his mum played in his life but you're your child's mum not his mum. You're his wife/partner and you both have a joint role in bringing said child up. The wheels really come off with some men - they see things in their simplest form: you've got a new doll & he wants to play with his cars & trains. He doesn't recognise that his wife/partner has created this new 'baby' with his help - he has no clue how to perform this new role but then nor does the new mum so ideally you figure it out between you. It's the worst feeling in the world when he abandons you & the walls go up - he finds other things to do and brings his mum/sister in to help.