Am I a horrible aunt?

[1stWproblems]

My DN (3 yrs old) and DD (4yrs old) have their birthdays this month. I always do a party for my kids, invite in-laws, my parents and siblings, hire a bouncy castle and do the food. Meanwhile, when it’s DD cousins birthdays, they always go out for the day so no parties. Don’t get me wrong, if they can afford to take their kids out , honestly I don’t mind, good for them I say. I just don’t want mine feeling like they’re missing out hence the party.

Received a message from my SIL asking if we can combine DD and DN birthdays. So I would be in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the decorating, paying for everything but all guests would be required to bring 2 party gifts and my daughter would have to share her party? Politely tried to ask SIL if she wanted to handle the decorations or the food and she said no she’s too busy. She just thought as I always throw a party to have DN in there too?

I don’t know if it’s okay for me to say no sorry, I don’t want DD to feel like she’s sharing because that sounds so spoilt. And it is my niece , I mean surely I should have no qualms throwing her a party?

At the same time why should I have to shoulder the bloody burden especially when I don’t particularly get on with this SIL but I suppose that’s not DN fault. SIGH!!!!

I don’t think dh’s really understand the amount of thought and planning that goes into a party at home. As far as they’re concerned, you just go and buy a bit of food, hire the bouncy castle and that’s it.

It would be a bit different if she offered to share the load. Was she expecting to invite her dc’s friends, her dh’s parents, etc also to the party?

No you are not a horrible Aunt , you have a horrible SIL

keep your day for your DD - it’s her birthday . Cannot believe your SIL expected you to pay for it all and organise it all etc - and complained to your DH - wow

She will almost certainly hijack the party, and probably invite her dad's friends, working in the basis you'll be too polite to turn them away.

Its a shame you can't uninvite her....or can you?

Of course she did because she’s a disruptive, demanding, entitled character with no boundaries - who always has people on eggshells / controlled with the threat of her volatility.

She’s met her match - well done. This would not only have set a precedent that you host her DDs birthday every year but she would come to dominate it and your DD would be pushed out.

Don’t give her any emotion, conflict or anger as that’s the fuel she’s craving. Detach from her in your head and keep your distance and dignity. Engage with her like a breezy receptionist.

Hope your DD has a wonderful birthday - don’t let your SIL weaponise the children.

I wouldn’t mind sharing the party as long as she’s willing to share the cost, hell no would I be doing it all

She’s having a tantrum because she isn’t able to come hoover up free gifts for her child!

Agree!
But let’s hope the OP gave her DH the facts rather than the ‘poor me’ version that SIL dripped into his ear!
The entitlement of some people just rattles my brain at times!

So kids are expected to bring two presents, even though presumably most of them don't know one of the two birthday kids? Yeah, if you want lots of awkward conversations with ticked-off parents, go for it.

I’m not sure you did yourself any favours by focusing on the non-sharing of the party and not the non-sharing of costs and work involved when speaking to your sil Op. I sympathise but of course she would use that to try to make her brother feel guilty and get him on side!

Ooof I’m not surprised you don’t get on with her - she’s a cheeky cow!

Well done OP for standing up to SIL, who is quite clearly trying to lazily palm all the responsibility of her daughters party onto you.

You have done the right thing standing up to her. She wanted you to do it all and have all the cost. Then you have a lot of kids that you may not know. Next thing there is a fight, kids are upset and crying not to mention your could have an older sibling or few older siblings added.
I have had friends that had birthday parties at home and they have all had problems at different ages and stages with kid's.
One friend of mine said that in future she was going to one of the local play places that do parties because it was cheaper and the kids were collected at a certain time.
It made her life easier doing this and she could invite the kids she wanted to this.

Your child will only have a few birthdays at home and as they get older they could want them in a local play place or maybe want a day trip to say the zoo ect.

If you let your sil do this once she expect this each year and that's not fair on you or your child.

She has shown herself to be a CF and then to go complaining to her bother your husband about this really shows her up. At least your husband is now aware that your not putting up with her behaviour.

Glad your DH is on board. What did you tell him to get him to understand?