Am I a horrible aunt?

[1stWproblems]

My DN (3 yrs old) and DD (4yrs old) have their birthdays this month. I always do a party for my kids, invite in-laws, my parents and siblings, hire a bouncy castle and do the food. Meanwhile, when it’s DD cousins birthdays, they always go out for the day so no parties. Don’t get me wrong, if they can afford to take their kids out , honestly I don’t mind, good for them I say. I just don’t want mine feeling like they’re missing out hence the party.

Received a message from my SIL asking if we can combine DD and DN birthdays. So I would be in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the decorating, paying for everything but all guests would be required to bring 2 party gifts and my daughter would have to share her party? Politely tried to ask SIL if she wanted to handle the decorations or the food and she said no she’s too busy. She just thought as I always throw a party to have DN in there too?

I don’t know if it’s okay for me to say no sorry, I don’t want DD to feel like she’s sharing because that sounds so spoilt. And it is my niece , I mean surely I should have no qualms throwing her a party?

At the same time why should I have to shoulder the bloody burden especially when I don’t particularly get on with this SIL but I suppose that’s not DN fault. SIGH!!!!

What a CF for a SIL and dim twat for a husband.

How dare she not accept your word and go around you.

She wouldn't be welcome in my house I can tell you that.

Cheeky fxxker.
As for your husband?
I'd be absolutely furious with him too.

Tell her you would be happy to.if you split the cost. Otherwise, no.

Glad your DH has now seen it from your perspective. I think it's fine to share a party if you are inviting the same guests and splitting the cost. As it seems like SIL just wants to gatecrash the party you are hosting though then that isn't fair.
Who was she expecting to bring gifts? If it was a family only party then maybe I could see her reasoning but if inviting school friends too that would be a bit odd for them to suddenly have another birthday child and acknowledge.

She is a cheeky fucker. Absolutely not

Ah yes, produce the cake for HER daughter, light the candles and insist everyone sings happy birthday - BEFORE @1stWproblems does the cake for her daughter.

I'd head that one off at the pass OP, and warn her that she is NOT to hijack your party.

My Db and SIL used to do this to me, our parties were quiet big aunties uncles cousins etc a real celebration.
DB and SIL would turn up eat my food drink relax socialise then go home and leave me with the clear up, all this happened nearly 30 years ago and it still annoys me. If they want a joint part they can go halves help with set up and clean up cooking and organising. Just cfs being cfs.

Oh no, I can see her hijacking the party. I hope she doesn’t but I can see it a mile off

Is it just a family thing or will friends be there? If it's just family and they both have birthdays people will almost certainly turn up with presents for both of them

If she is going to contribute cost/effort then yeah but if not, it’s a no.

If your niece is only 3, her little friends are presumably the same age, which means that parents will stay at the party. Which means you’d have unknown adults, as well as unknown children, in your home. No bloody way.

This isn’t about your relationship with your niece - it’s her mother who is expecting a free party - it would be different (although still reasonable) if she had offered to 50% cost and effort and you said no - but even then, you are allowed not to compromise your own DCs b. For someone else

No is a complete sentence!

Just say no. You don’t need to explain yourself

I bet she turns up with a cake for her dad

If you were feeling generous, and the cousin’s birthday was only a few days earlier or later, you could provide a (Tesco/Sainsbury/…) cake for the cousin, and get everyone to wish her a happy birthday as well. She is only three, and it may be a nice thing to do.

That’s not being generous, that’s being a mug. The party will become all about SIL’s dd.

No, the party would still be for dd, and just produce the cake at the meal part.

Do you mean without telling the SIL there will be a cake for her 3yo? That could work.

If SIL knows there will be a cake for her dd, she will tell everyone the party is for her DD too.

no is a word cheeky mare, i have heard it all now

I wouldn't care if SIL paid for the whole damn thing . Your DD birthday party is not for sharing . Ever . Don't ever ask again . What a cow .

That wouldn't be very generous to the OP's own dd though would it? It isn't too much to ask that a little girl has her own birthday party at which she is the only one blowing out candles and being wished happy birthday. It isn't as if anyone is stopping the niece having a party too - and whether she has one or not presumably she will have a cake at home on her own birthday. This is one of those situations where it is perfectly fine to say "oh no that wouldn't work for us" and leave it at that.

SAY NO otherwise she will expect this for life. She is being lazy.

“We’re not doing that. You and your kids are invited of course, but this party is for my kid’s birthday only.”

Different “fiends”?? 😉😉😬😬

The child in me loves this….!!

I can see that happening too, I'm sure the SIL will have something up her sleeve to involve her daughter.