Am I a horrible aunt?

[1stWproblems]

My DN (3 yrs old) and DD (4yrs old) have their birthdays this month. I always do a party for my kids, invite in-laws, my parents and siblings, hire a bouncy castle and do the food. Meanwhile, when it’s DD cousins birthdays, they always go out for the day so no parties. Don’t get me wrong, if they can afford to take their kids out , honestly I don’t mind, good for them I say. I just don’t want mine feeling like they’re missing out hence the party.

Received a message from my SIL asking if we can combine DD and DN birthdays. So I would be in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the decorating, paying for everything but all guests would be required to bring 2 party gifts and my daughter would have to share her party? Politely tried to ask SIL if she wanted to handle the decorations or the food and she said no she’s too busy. She just thought as I always throw a party to have DN in there too?

I don’t know if it’s okay for me to say no sorry, I don’t want DD to feel like she’s sharing because that sounds so spoilt. And it is my niece , I mean surely I should have no qualms throwing her a party?

At the same time why should I have to shoulder the bloody burden especially when I don’t particularly get on with this SIL but I suppose that’s not DN fault. SIGH!!!!

This is perfect response!

This is perfect.

im a massive fan of putting the ball in someone else’s court and getting them to explain that they actually want to take the piss!

You just say no sorry that won’t work

I assume your child has different fiends, so why would they bring a present for someone they don’t know and why should you pay for everything

sounds like your niece wants a party and her mother can’t be bothered

So you do all the work and shell out all the money for food, the bouncy castle and other games such as Pass the Parcel etc, while your SIL just turns up and probably claims credit for a great party? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! I can't believe how cheeky, lazy and tight she is. Absolutely say no.

She’s not only a CF she’s lazy too! Tell her no that your DD is having her own party and DN comes as a guest

She's being a cheeky F.

She pays half and does half the work or no you don't share.

Before you know it, your daughter will be 12 and these party days will be over. You have a right to protect the day and let it be special for your daughter.

If she is willing to actually contribute half rather than ask to let her daughter piggyback off your daughter's party and your effort, it MIGHT be different, but again, only if you were willing to share the day.

YANBU and you are not a horrible aunt.

With shared parties I think the correct etiquette is to split prepwork and costs (even if not always 50/50) and if your SIL isn't willing to do any of that then that seems beyond cheeky! Nope, no thank you.

Also unless the guests know both children you may find that not all the guests will bring 2 gifts. When we've been invited to shared parties I do buy 2 gifts but I have heard of guests bringing a gift for the child they know and a card for the child they don't know. Will she react well if your DD'S friends only bring a card for her child? If she would take that scenario negatively then just stay away from the whole idea.

I would politely opt out...

I’m sure I must have misunderstood - but is your niece’s party the only birthday event your daughter has? (I mean, does she get acknowledgment and gifts on her own birthday?)

I wouldn’t do this as she will likely come back with some answer like she will bring the cake and you still get all the mess etc . Much better to just say ‘No sorry but we like to make our child’s birthday just about them ‘ that way you’ve also knocked it on the head for any future years .

"Can you just clarify - you want me to pay for everything, do all the work and host it in my house but you want everyone to bring your daughter a present?"

Say great as we combining you can contribute £££ to hire place xx which will do the catering and cleaning up after.

Thank you for making me feel better. Truly felt horrible and guilty but honestly it wouldn’t be fair to DD. Will politely message SIL x

YANBU at ALL. Do what you want to do @1stWproblems

Also, I don't know if it's just me, but when I first glanced at your thread title, I thought it said 'am I a horrible c-nt?!' 🙈

Will she pay for half of the costs? If not it's simply not her party.

Is she paying half the costs?

🤣🤣🤣 @honeylulusaid the same!

I would want her to clarify what she's asking you. Just so I could make her admit that she wants me to do all of the work and pay for everything but share half the glory.

YANBU and your SIL is a massive cf.
She reminds me of my SIL, who wanted us to throw a joint ruby anniversary party for my in laws- with DH (her brother) and I paying for everything.

No, she’s not paying half. Her mindset is as I’m throwing one anyway for it to be shared with DN. Typically she takes her children out for their birthdays but this year she said she was too busy to do anything. I do feel for DN but don’t want DD to feel out of sorts

She's a freeloader

I had this with SIL. She asked me if I wanted to go camping. Okay sounds tun. Close to her house, obviously. I'd need to rent a car as our 2nd car isn't up to the long drive. Hmm....

My son was 2, her's was 7 (so her's was easier).

Oh and btw, 2 other kids are joining us also.

Ok: so I have to rent a car, drive two hours, put up a tent, and parent four children all weekend??

Er. No??????!!

She's being a cheeky cow tell her no and that you hope your niece has a lovely day with whatever they decide to do

Add up costs. Message sil for half the money up front..
She's one cf isn't she?

😂😂😅 @honeylulu

No We would rather do it the way we always have . Your DN will a guest though ?