AIBU to think this level of drinking may be a problem?

[Iglootooo]

Hi all,
I don’t want to say who this is as I think it could influence the answers, but would you say someone having 1-2 drinks every night, plus 1-2 nights a week where they are going out and getting actually drunk, and a glass of wine or similar at lunch most but not all days, is a drinking problem?
AIBU to think it is?

I have this exact same in my life and I think it is definitely a problem but cannot change the other person 😕

Yep, it’s a problem.
They are drinking every day.
They are drinking at lunch and in the evening.
They are getting flat out drunk a couple of times a week.
Whoever this person is, you sound like you are minimising because they probably are to you.
Well I have a glass at lunch but not every day?
Of course a lot depends on situation and lifestyle but I would class the above as a problem.
The inability to stop the above behaviour is alcoholism I’m afraid.

So they have a glass of wine every lunch time. Then one to two drinks in the evening. This is all. Twice a week they go and get drunk?

i think the getting drunk twice a week isn’t good, but rh other 5 days wouldn’t bother me.

Yes, that's a problem. Well above recommended limits, no alcohol free days at all, at least weekly drunkenness and day drinking? If this is someone you are in a relationship with, walk away.

Hmm, she didn’t say they couldn’t stop,and I’m not sure I agree.

she didn’t say they have a glass of wine every day, she said not all days
she said it’s one or two a night, so sometimes it will be one. So they can do 1-3 drinks a night, and that’s fine as clearly some days just one drink.

the two nights a week getting drunk is the issue.

Yes, it’s probably a problem. Beyond it being well over healthy limits, and that’s a problem in and of itself anyway, I am very doubtful that someone who has 1-2 drinks at lunch and 1-2 drinks at dinner daily is actually not drinking more in between.

I say this as a recovering alcoholic. I often had drinks at socially acceptable times and in socially acceptable ways. But my 1-2 drinks at lunch was often more like 3-4, because I’d order a large wine at the bar every time I went to the loo. It’s quite hard to have a drink at midday, stop, and then start up again at dinner…unless you’re Spanish or French and you’ve been socialised to it. If I drank at lunch, I’d always continue. I had secret stashes everywhere or what I thought were crafty reasons to ‘run to the shop’ to get single tins of wine to drink secretly somewhere. What everyone around me thought I drank was about a 10th of what I actually drank.

Now if this person is French, yes, having 1 drink at lunch and 1 at dinner really is cultural. They probably aren’t drinking from the box o wine in the shed like I was. But otherwise with this pattern, I’d be concerned about secret drinking.

Point taken.
I just have never met a soul who gets rat arsed twice a week and drinks most days but then skips and off lunchtime tipple.
Sadly, when you’ve been around alcoholism a lot you get to see red flags flying.
Most days.
1-2 times a week.
That tends to be what you get told, not what you actually see.
I’ve just been burned that many times.

Lunch drinking is only for holidays.

For context, lunchtime drinks are maybe 3/4 days a week, it seems common place for them and their colleagues to go for a drink, a glass of wine or two, then on Saturdays a lunchtime drink. Every night a glass of wine “to end the day” sometimes 2. Then pretty much every Thursday is work drinks which turn into leaving some bar in soho at 2am having started drinking at 5.30pm, then some weeks another night out drinking with friends.!

Wow, I could've written that 9 years ago! Nobody knew just how much I used to put away - I would even nick sherry from my granddad's decanter and fill it back up with water! 😬 I used to justify it by saying 'i don't drink everyday' but I could only go two to three days before I'd need to get blotto drunk again - I could never have just one. Thankfully those days are long gone now.

To answer your question, OP. Yes, it's a problem and it's a slippery slope. Believe me, I've slid down it. It took me everything to climb back up. It's still an every day battle. But every day I win.

The big question is then - what problems does the behaviour cause you personally?

It’s not causing me any problems personally, this isn’t my husband. I can’t say what problems it causes in her personal life. She has a job, is successful for her age by all accounts, I’m just worried but don’t know if I actually have a reason to be or if this is more common than I thought.

How old is the person? I feel like if they're 22 I can get it but 42 it's a lot of booze and they must feel rough a lot.

I think 5.30pm-2am is a lot of drinking on a normal night. My work nights tend to be 6-9pm and I feel rough the next day.

She is 25, seems the work nights start normal pub nights but a few quickly spiral into being out all night, and somehow waking up for work at 7am the next day!

It’s a problem if they are unable to function without alcohol, and are unable to stop.

Yes, alcohol problem. Sorry this is happening. If you’re close to her Al Anon or similar could help you if you’re thinking of bringing it up.

When it's every day of course it's a problem.
Just the 1-2 drinks every night is problematic, not because of the quantity but because of the frequency it seems needed.

Add on getting drunk on every night out and almost every day lunchtime drinking too at the age of 25 and female this person's drinking is no doubt affecting her health, regardless of whether it's affecting her behaviour.

At 25, and due to work norms, it’s not unusual but I think firms aren’t really happy about day drinking these days?
Your friend will either grow out of it or she won’t.
Try not to worry.

It's a health problem. They're increasing their risk of cancers, liver disease etc. The calories they're consuming will lead to weight gain.

Who knows if it's an addiction yet
Why are they drinking? Can they stop tomorrow if they wanted to?

It’s a small company, where even senior management seem to end up in the pub during office day lunches! Add in client lunches and I do sometimes feel it’s non stop.

Yes the health concern is one that sits with me, I notice on Thursdays she seems to go the whole day without eating too, so pub at lunch instead of food then finally eats after the full night out at 2am! She’s rake thin and generally healthy in other ways (Pilates and running in the morning 4/5 days a week), I’m just worried though and I think I’m her closest friend in this country so don’t know if I should say something.

Yes, I think that's far too much alcohol to be having on a regular basis. The body needs some alcohol-free days each week, to give it time to process it out of the system. The person's liver will be under constant stress if they continue with their current consumption.

I'm more relaxed than most of MN about alcohol, but yes, this sounds problematic.

I don't know how she gets away with the lunchtime drinking at work. I thought that was all over these days.

@Iglootooo the not eating at lunch is problematic. I used to do that so I could get drunker, not saying that it's the same for this young lady, but it is worrying and something to keep an eye out for. She's lucky to have someone like you that really cares for her.

I drank about that at 25. Never held me back in any way. I drink far less now because I’m old and tired!