AIBU or is this not 100% my fault? *Warning - involves sex and a bit graphic /gross*

[CoffeeDate22]

I’m with a relatively new partner , about 8 months in to dating and things having been going pretty well. I’m late 20s, he’s late 30s. I have a history of sexual assault which he knows about. Something happened which made me uncomfortable and I’m looking for some perspective?

We’d been out for drinks and I was pretty pissed. I’ve had some family bad news recently and I was a bit emotional and drank a bit too much wine but not completely out of it.

When we got back to his flat we started having sex. I remember I was pretty messy, staggering about but I still consented and wanted to do it. I started to give him oral sex and during this he suddenly pushed my head and made it (sorry) go too far in and made me gag. I threw up … on him.

I was extremely apologetic but he made me feel really awful and like it was totally disgusting. I get it’s not nice but he pushed my head down! And I was really drunk. I ended up apologising so much and basically grovelling for him to give me a cuddle that night when we went to bed. The next day he was still saying I can’t believe you did that it’s so gross.

I don’t know. I feel upset and strange about it. AIBU?

He's the gross one. Dump him.

Good god I would have been sick too without any drink involved! It's absolutely his own fault, you have nothing to feel bad about. He shouldn't have pushed your head and made you gag.

I think you need to get rid of him.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. To be absolutely clear you did not do anything wrong and you have nothing to apologise for and you certainly don’t need to grovel.

if it was me, I’d be leaving this man.

Yeah I'd leave him in the bin.
He should be making you feel better about it not saying how gross it was. He's just not a nice person.

You need to dump him .

He assaulted you and triggered your gag reflex. Hopefully he won’t do it to anyone else.

He can’t believe you were sick on him after he rammed his dick down your throat?? Get rid he’s disgusting who the fuck does he think he is???

His reaction is disgusting. He forced himself into the back of your throat, making you vomit & yet he thinks you are the one at fault? Any decent man would be apologising to you. His behaviour towards you in the aftermath would be bad enough if he was a younger man (I’m thinking relatively inexperienced and emotionally less mature teen or early 20’s. But this is a man in his late 30’s who is supposed to be more mature. Leave him. This is a major red flag.

Please leave him. He sexually assaulted you and now wants you to apologise? Fuck that.

This is the second thread on here this morning where this has happened (the head pushing) to a woman whose been sexually assaulted in the past. One is too many. Of course it's not your fault. He is the vile one. Look after yourself.

(This is the other thread if it helps - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5521440-weird-atmosphere-after-my-partner-did-something-strange-during-intimacy-last-night)

You are 100% not being unreasonable. This is a huge red flag. He pushed your head too far and even though you threw up (because he pushed your head too far) it sounds like he was an absolute tool about it. He could have laughed it off or helped you. Get out while you can OP

Also OP having reread your thread title I want to say that none of this is remotely your fault. I hope you’re ok & you have some support.

He did it. He's the gross one.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5521440-weird-atmosphere-after-my-partner-did-something-strange-during-intimacy-last-night

Dump this awful abusive man. Please.
Sending you love and support 💕

This is porn culture AKA recorded rape culture.

Grabbing someone's head and forcing them to do something is assault. Grabbing someone's head and forcing them to do something sexual is sexual assault.

He has sexually assaulted you.

For your own wellbeing you need to end this relationship.

Being sexually assaulted once in a relationship is once too many.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you 💐

1. do you normally have this sort of ‘
   mutually agreed/enjoyed ‘rough’ dynamic during sex? If so, then no issue with the act itself.

2. If he was also drunk, I can understand in the moment being very surprised/disgusted.

3. I cannot understand continuing the disgust and not just reassuring you and moving on. It wasn’t intentional.

Yeah he’s out of order
stop apologising then tell him he forced his dick too far down your throat that’s the issue

Not your fault. His reaction is unreasonable he caused you to vomit with his stupid action he’s probably seen in porn

Why did you apologise rather than explaining that him pushing your head down had caused you to gag? Or was it more because you'd had too much to drink thqt you were sick in which case he shouldn't have had sex with you right then?

He caused the situation and has the temerity to blame you for it! Disgusting pornsick wanker, bin this one rapidly. I hope you are okay, OP.

100% his fault. He is so out of order for blaming you. You deserve more op and I hope you recognise this (and what everyone here is telling you) and leave him. Hope you are ok.

He deserved that.

Thanks everyone I really feel icky about it.

No we don’t have a mutual agreement of rough sex .

and the other thread is not me, but I did see that one and it made me think perhaps I should ask about what happened to me