AIBU or is this not 100% my fault? *Warning - involves sex and a bit graphic /gross*

[CoffeeDate22]

I’m with a relatively new partner , about 8 months in to dating and things having been going pretty well. I’m late 20s, he’s late 30s. I have a history of sexual assault which he knows about. Something happened which made me uncomfortable and I’m looking for some perspective?

We’d been out for drinks and I was pretty pissed. I’ve had some family bad news recently and I was a bit emotional and drank a bit too much wine but not completely out of it.

When we got back to his flat we started having sex. I remember I was pretty messy, staggering about but I still consented and wanted to do it. I started to give him oral sex and during this he suddenly pushed my head and made it (sorry) go too far in and made me gag. I threw up … on him.

I was extremely apologetic but he made me feel really awful and like it was totally disgusting. I get it’s not nice but he pushed my head down! And I was really drunk. I ended up apologising so much and basically grovelling for him to give me a cuddle that night when we went to bed. The next day he was still saying I can’t believe you did that it’s so gross.

I don’t know. I feel upset and strange about it. AIBU?

My God, this is not a good person, OP. Walk Away.

I'd be so tempted to offer to repay the favour and try ramming a cucumber down his throat without him gagging and vomiting. What an arse.

Date your own age

This. Get him drunk and ram his throat and see how he likes it. You can't even consent properly when you're drunk.

tmi but I was giving oral to someone once and threw up (no head pushing involved, totally my own doing) and I was so embarrassed and apologetic and he was so nice and kind, cleaned myself and him up, made sure I was ok/comfortable etc - it happens let alone with him causing it and he should never have treated you like that

He’s gross OP. A mature adult would not make you feel shame for your body doing something that bodies do, especially when he caused it. He should have laughed it off and helped you both clean up.

He's the disgusting one. Get rid. The only thing he should be doing here is apologising profusely. The last thing he should be doing is blaming you. You really need to get rid of this POS.

Well? Are you binning him?

He deserves everything he got, and more.

Everyone has a gag reflex. He triggered yours, doing something deliberate, that he hadn't agreed with you or even warned you about. I agree with PP, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for, this is completely on him

It's worrying that he pushed your head down hard enough for this to happen

It's really worrying that his initial reaction wasn't 'oh shit I'm so sorry I didn't mean to push you that hard, are you OK' but instead to blame you and shame you for a completely normal human reaction.

He may as well have cut you then called you disgusting for getting blood on him. That's how fucked up this is.

Well done for recognising that something isn't right here

Wtf?

"He got carried away"? Did you lost on the way to the dark, women-hating bits of the internet?

I hope that this thread is helping you understand that you need to leave this man Op

Leave him.

You could try shoving a cucumber down his throat and tell him he's disgusting when he vomits afterwards. Or, just break up with the abusive twat.

Please dump him OP. This is not a nice man.

Genuinely shocked at the poster who thinks men "getting carried away during sex" is consent to whatever happens after the "carried away". Someone did a number on you.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to make this thread and ask if any of this was your fault. He needs to get in the bin. The only reasonable response from him is to be absolutely mortified and apologetic that he’s done something that has made you sick and uncomfortable (whether by mistake or on purpose)

Stop apologising. 💯
His shitty actions had a consequence (vomiting on him). 🤮
He FAFO didn't he?

The question you should be asking yourself is.... do you want to stay with a man who thinks its acceptable to shove your head down.
My honest answer? LTB and his Vomit covered willy pronto 👋
@CoffeeDate22

Jesus Christ. You need to raise your standards.

What do you mean this is not 100% your fault? It’s 0% your fault. Dump him. What a fucking cheek to blame you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

What is it with all these men pushing women’s heads on to their dicks? Is this a porn thing? Never happened to me and if it did I’d have called a stop to the whole thing and probably punched them in the balls.

He is gross .

I thought the post was you asking if he was in the wrong for pushing your head and you were angry at him , but for him to treat you like that is awful. I find men like to do that and actually get turned on a bit at the gagging - I think it makes them feel ‘big’ .

Sex can get messy, and embarrassing , sometimes . But in a healthy relationship there is no shame or embarrassment. The way he has treated you is a red flag , he’s made you feel dirty for something intimate between you two . Personally I would lose all trust in him at this point .

Yea OP bloody hell, hes a complete slimy tosser. First I wouldn't want sex with someone blind drunk recovering from stressful news (doesn't feel like he prioritised you there at all), and second, pushing your head so much you puked? Hes effing disgusting.

The only good thing that happened that night is that he got puked on as I've never heard of anyone deserving it more.

Urgh there's no coming back from this. How on earth did you do something wrong - he assaulted you causing you to throw up.

You should have bitten him that worked o my first boyfriend. Dickhead

I think he is gaslighting you here he caused you to throw up and if he had any care for you he wouldn't behave like this. Please don't think it's your fault and it's a massive red flag he is blaming you. Drink added to the mix is not good particularly since you were feeling emotionally vulnerable. Please know your worth you deserve so much better.

do you know you could die and choke on your own vomit or gag reflex or unable to breathe?? run away now, perhaps give a complaint to the police