AIBU or is this not 100% my fault? *Warning - involves sex and a bit graphic /gross*

[CoffeeDate22]

I’m with a relatively new partner , about 8 months in to dating and things having been going pretty well. I’m late 20s, he’s late 30s. I have a history of sexual assault which he knows about. Something happened which made me uncomfortable and I’m looking for some perspective?

We’d been out for drinks and I was pretty pissed. I’ve had some family bad news recently and I was a bit emotional and drank a bit too much wine but not completely out of it.

When we got back to his flat we started having sex. I remember I was pretty messy, staggering about but I still consented and wanted to do it. I started to give him oral sex and during this he suddenly pushed my head and made it (sorry) go too far in and made me gag. I threw up … on him.

I was extremely apologetic but he made me feel really awful and like it was totally disgusting. I get it’s not nice but he pushed my head down! And I was really drunk. I ended up apologising so much and basically grovelling for him to give me a cuddle that night when we went to bed. The next day he was still saying I can’t believe you did that it’s so gross.

I don’t know. I feel upset and strange about it. AIBU?

Please dump him. He will do it again. Or worse. He is gross. You deserve SO, SO much better than this.

@CoffeeDate22 100% on him. He’s getting this from watching porn. The rough element will ramp up and he’ll be strangling and slapping you once he’s completely settled in the relationship.

dump - and tell him why - and move on 💐

Well, it may just be the last time that he forces a woman's head down on him, in a roundabout way you've taught him a valuable lesson. But OP, am sorry, awful for you and he's an arsehole. Please do not let him make you feel guilty or bad, this is 100% his fault.

Stop apologising immediately.

I would dump him but if for whatever reason you don’t want to I would tell him you are not willing to discuss it any further until he allows you to ram a banana down his throat against his will, after which you will gladly discuss how it made him feel and be willing to listen to HIS apology

Not your fault! I am sorry it happened to you.

Id be telling him in no uncertain terms that he should NOT have done that! I would be furious!

He shouldn’t have done that, and then to make you feel awful about it is not nice!

Second time Ive used this this morning… honestly, just dump him.

Run.

What are you apologising for? Get him to fuck.

Bin him. He was disgusting and he should be grovelling for being gross not the other way round. Every day im more glad I'm single

He should be mortified and apologetic. He’s not a good man.

Are we sure the op is genuine?

Dubious after reading the other thread as well.

It’s a shame to read two threads like this today. Again he’s a bad egg dump him.

Gagging and vomiting are involuntary mechanisms which you can't control.
Ramming your dick into someones throat is a choice.

He's 100% to blame and is a disrespectful bastard.

MN reviewed it so I guess someone reported and they have concluded that I am genuine.

I’m not sure why anyone would bother to make such a thing up

Thanks everyone , it seems like most people agree it’s not a good sign. Good to know I’m not overreacting. I apologised a lot because he seemed so disgusted, it was just my immediate reaction because I felt embarrassed I suppose.

Next time he’s eating a banana put his head down into it and see how he likes it.

it isn’t your fault OP that could happen without drink aswell. It’s the gag reflex. I wouldn’t say this is enough to end things with someone, he was probably feeling abit stupid too but I would say it’s worth having a conversation about boundaries and expectations

Stop apologising. Start running.

I have to ask though OP are you seriously considering staying with him?

Is it assault though if OP was already giving him oral? She willingly did it

Did you point out that he caused it by pushing your head? You did nothing wrong at all

Holy shit are you serious?

Time to leave x

I did but he was just so rude about it. He said ‘do you realise what’s just happened?! I know you’re drunk but you just fucking threw up on my dick. Fucking disgusting’ and then stomped off to have a shower.

Later I said I don’t think it would have happened if you hadn’t pushed my head and he just brushed it off and said it was only for a second.

He's revolting.
An absolute arsehole. Please bin this one off! Pushing your head without consent, then shaming you for an accident that he caused is just disgusting. TMI maybe but I threw up on DH once after getting a bit over enthusiastic and he laughed and cleaned himself off. Wouldn't have occurred to him to make me feel bad.

All his fault and he should not be behaving like that was during or after.
I would bin him.