Friend said my home, furniture and clothes are UGLY AND POOR

[Yourgurlmaddie]

This friend said she has a lot of work for dh. (He freelances). I told her dh broke his leg and unable to travel so she said I’ll come to him!

i never had this friend over before. (And she the kind of person who talks for hours and hours about herself only never asking how you are or letting you talk) and I don’t like having people over but it’s for work reasons so I agreed.

She comes, brings nothing! Just one document and says she forgot rest at home.

She then sits in our home for 7 hours! Playing music, chatting, talking about herself. From 1pm to 9pm

she then only leaves because her son calls her some kind of issue at home

she invites me for coffee few weeks later and she was complaining about how her son in bad with money, wastes all his money and has no savings etc

says “I don’t get it”

she then says “I don’t get you guys either. Your home and furniture are awful. So tatty, unattractive and old. when was the last time you had renovation? Your clothes too, when was the last time you went shopping? You live like poor people. I mean you live Like you are in poverty. To be honest I don’t get it either.”

she later texts me saying “ don’t get offended, I was just being honest, what kind of friend would I be not to tell you the truth xx”

wtf!

Reminds me, I used to know a Danish woman who moved to the UK and married a British man, and she worked in the Black country. (Dudley/Wolverhampton) as a secretary. She said 'they do not know how to speak, they say ow am ya? (instead of how are you,) they are deeply stupid! How can you not know how to speak you OWN language?' I tried to explain that it was a regional dialect, (and they were NOT stupid) but she wouldn't have it! She also has some rancid opinions on single mothers and women who had children out of wedlock.

She was really judgy and rude and I don't know why. My cousin's husband's brother married a Danish woman, and she's lovely. Bright and bubby and friendly and kind, not a bad bone in her. So it was nothing to do with nationality. Plenty of British people are rude too of course.

.

OP, surely you must realise that 'friends' are meant to be people whose company you enjoy and who are nice to be with and talk to?

This isn't a friend. She's a random woman you don't like who sits in your home like a cuckoo in the nest and is incredibly rude to you. What are you actually getting out of this 'friendship' other than grief and hassle? Tell her to fuck off!

She is not your friend. She sounds absolutely bat shit crazy! Block her and restore your peace.

Even if she was being honest, there was absolutely no reason for her to have brought up your house, decor or clothing.

If you had asked for her opinion that would be different, but even then she should be more tactful. What was the purpose of her telling you that other than to make you feel like shit or herself feel better?

There was no tangible need to tell you whatsoever. It has no effect on her what someone else’s house or clothes are like. She seems like she can’t conceive that others are different from herself with different priorities.

End the friendship, she’s an insecure, rude cow.

What did you say when she said all this to you?

Why would she think that telling someone their home, clothes and possessions were hideous and shabby would make her a 'good friend'?!

She sounds like a psycho.

Tell her you think her house, face, body, clothing, possessions, husband and children are all absolutely fucking minging. And that you're only being honest and what kind of a friend wouldn't want to do that?!

What does it matter? She was rude!

Why does it matter?
My dad was like this too. He couldn’t give a stuff about decor or fashion. He retired at 50 and lived frugally off his money. Travelled all over. Had a great 30 years until he died. But drove an old banger. I think he did right.

OP the correct response to your friend was “you’re being very rude, whether you think you’re a friend or not! You need to think a bit more carefully before you speak”.

and you didn't ask for her opinion.

What a cow, that’s not a friend in anyway. It’s none of her business what you and your family do

Well she’s not a friend and I’m intrigued whether she actually does have work for your DH that she’s willing to pay for.

that said years ago I went to a new friends house and it was barren: the stairs were bare, nothing on the walls, no rugs/lamps/ornaments and most bizarrely because she ran a blind company no blinds or curtains.

I almost asked if they’d just moved in. Thank god I didn’t because five mins later she said: “[a mutual friend] came round yesterday and asked me if we’d just moved in, I was so offended, does it look like we just moved in….”

I wouldn’t normally agree with saying something like this but I did laugh 😂😂😂

OP, I’d tell her she’s an awful, rude person who needs to learn some social skills and consider your ‘friendship’ over because you don’t exist for her to have digs at to make herself feel better. End with a parting remark like ‘oh, by the way, I’d consider upgrading your anti wrinkle cream, yours is doing you no favours. I’m only being honest 😉’

In fairness, on point 2, it is likely your friend could’ve been pro-Putin as being a Ukrainian doesn’t mean you’re not pro-Russia / Putin. Quite the opposite for a lot of Ukrainians.

I would have replied 'my house is good enough for you to spend 8 hours in it, stopping us enjoying our weekend' - I would then block

The fact she has cut contact as a result would suggest not

Better to wear clothes for years rather than waste money on fast fashion that wears out after a few washes.

You're a lot more polite up there in NI, down here we'd just call her a cheeky stuck up cunt.

🤣🤣

There’s plenty up here would call her that too @Mudflaps😃

YANBU. Have you ever heard about the personal table metaphor? It says we all have our own personal table and we should be the ones to decide who sits at it and/or who remains sitting at it. If the people we allow to sit at our table do not honor the place we have allowed them to be, they do not deserve to be sitting there. We don't call them out on their behavior, we don't try to teach them good manners, we just don't let them sit there anymore. You don't have to cut ties if you don't want to, you just make a mental decision to not let that happen anymore. It's your table, after all.

I’d text back a comment listed here maybe give her a chance to explain further or apologise, but after that I’d block.

Wow she sounds utterly bonkers! I had one lady tell me my home was dated and offered to help me modernise it, needless to say I didn’t waste any more of my time in her company. Life is stressful enough without that weird level of rudeness visiting.

You're a martyr, let's give it a rest with the oh I am so awful, I am so pathetic,, it's not helpful and just keeps you in perpetual victim mode and reinforces that you can't do anything to change - two things can be true, she's rude and you need to grow a backbone. You can't stop her being rude, you can stop hearing that rudeness by ending the call or not letting her come round but that doesn't stop you in general being a ) a pushover and b) resorting to woe is me aren't I terrible when someone (on this thread I mean) says why not tell her to go. You are making a choice, not easy when you are not naturally assertive but you can change.

She’s awful.

She's a cunt

She’s no friend. Distance yourself and forget what she said. Real friends don’t behave like this.

A friend? Wow.