Friend said my home, furniture and clothes are UGLY AND POOR

[Yourgurlmaddie]

This friend said she has a lot of work for dh. (He freelances). I told her dh broke his leg and unable to travel so she said I’ll come to him!

i never had this friend over before. (And she the kind of person who talks for hours and hours about herself only never asking how you are or letting you talk) and I don’t like having people over but it’s for work reasons so I agreed.

She comes, brings nothing! Just one document and says she forgot rest at home.

She then sits in our home for 7 hours! Playing music, chatting, talking about herself. From 1pm to 9pm

she then only leaves because her son calls her some kind of issue at home

she invites me for coffee few weeks later and she was complaining about how her son in bad with money, wastes all his money and has no savings etc

says “I don’t get it”

she then says “I don’t get you guys either. Your home and furniture are awful. So tatty, unattractive and old. when was the last time you had renovation? Your clothes too, when was the last time you went shopping? You live like poor people. I mean you live Like you are in poverty. To be honest I don’t get it either.”

she later texts me saying “ don’t get offended, I was just being honest, what kind of friend would I be not to tell you the truth xx”

wtf!

Why?

Your reply @Yourgurlmaddie to this wagon is “you’re not my friend. I don’t have such rude people in my life insulting me/my home/my life”

Good lord. Ignore them. I posted a little while ago about my mot garage leaving a sanitary towel in my car and people piled on saying I was lying. I honestly dont get why anyone would bother.
Your 'friend is rude'. Tell her so. What do you have to lose?

plus you haven't told us if there was any actual work for your husband in the end, and what, if anything, he said to her about that?
If he works freelance, surely he's used to dealing with people and should have been capable of (a) asking her what the 'work' was and (b) insisting on a more professional, work-focussed visit?
also, if she stayed from 1-9pm, that would be 8 hours, not 7, and I'm still struggling to understand why anybody would have allowed that to happen...

ETA: if this was 'work', will your dh be invoicing her for his time?!

If she came over on a supposedly business matter and forgot the actual business, why would you let her hang around for hours? Much less trash talk everything?

She's rude, don't ever let her in your home again.

Nancy, we have things to do and it's time for you to leave now. That's all you have to say.

And if there’s a job that needs doing and IF your H is desperate to do it… make sure the money is SUPER GOOD. That awful woman needs to pay the arsehole tax.

She’s not a friend … but if she genuinely has plenty of work for DH treat her as a client.

Yes your friend was rude so she was being u.

You are u for calling this person a friend.

What did you reply to her comments OP?

I don't think that's the point at all.

What did you say in reply OP?

She’s not a friend. At all.

Mute/block/fade/ghost/air or whatever you want to call it.

He did.

when she came she was like when he would get started on the task “ oops my bad forgot this. Forgot that. Oops haha forgot that. I’ll bring it next time. Forget it then. We’ll just hang out! I brought drinks, chocolate and snacks! “

he charged her and for wasting his time. And left the room. She seemed annoyed and unhappy about this and said

“I thought you guys would be happy to see me anyway”

I let it happen because I’m a socially awkward pathetic push over who is always scared of sounding rude

not first time we had guests overstaying

though not this long….

You mean ex-friend right? 🙄

Block her. Don’t bother responding to her. She’s not your friend and she doesn’t have work for your DH.

she’s found you to be compliant and easy to manipulate so she’s planning to use you to shit on. Just step away. She’s not worth your time.

And he stayed out of the room for 8 hours while you say and entertained her? What happened when you cooked/ate dinner with your husband? Did she eat too?

I believe you OP, how lucky are these posters to have never encountered a rude CF posing as a friend!

Perhaps you should respond and say “your honesty is only your perspective and doesn’t actually count as a fact. I personally would never be so rude to a friend and say these thoughts out loud, but you do you.”

The next move will be her mocking you for making a scene but you need to go a bit quiet on her to make her realise that you’re not to be disrespected. These type of people drop these comments to see how much you’re willing to take from them. You need to nip it in the bud!

No he left. to bedroom.

she continued sitting in our living room.

contunued chatting, joking, playing music, eating snacks, showing memes on the couch

continued as I was cooking and doing other stuff

yes I thought it was rude and awkward not to offer her food/a plate especially cos she kept commenting on how delicious it looked. So When we ate she ate too

There are people like this, unfortunately. They will not understand what they have done wrong or why they have no friends.

Have a few strategies lined up for anyone overstaying their welcome. Let them know that you have plans at a certain time. Or offer a final cup of tea. Most people understand these cues.

Not a friend an annoying, rude , imposition.

Don't worry about being rude to a rude person, they completely deserve it.
The reason people are so scared to say something that might be considered rude is because they don't like the feeling it brings up.
You need to learn how to sit with the discomfort of that feeling. Its difficult but its better than feeling like a pushover!

It WAS rude but sounds like she was being honest or why would she say it x
My mum is simular, has loads of money but her house decir, furniture, clothes ..etc is decades old. She doesnt tend to realise it until I give some little hints sometimes!

It sounds as though you could do with either therapy or doing some work on yourself OP. This 'friend' is not a friend and most people would have waved her goodbye long before she got to the 'I'll just hang out with you' because that is extraordinarily rude and all I can think is that you are struggling with social cues and allowing people to treat you poorly.

No judgement from me, I've done it myself, but it will be good for you going forward to have some help with learning how to deal with awkward social positions like this.

you said your mom has money but what if the people she said this to were having financial problems?

also what she said doesn’t seem like little hint. If she said you guys thought about renovating? That’s one thing but the way she said it

He spent 8 hours in the bedroom while you entertained her?! What was he doing up there for all that time?? It was pretty rude of him to leave you entertaining her, I’d have been pretty pissed off of my husband did that. He’s the one with a working relationship with her so he should have been the one to ask her to leave.