Friend said my home, furniture and clothes are UGLY AND POOR

[Yourgurlmaddie]

This friend said she has a lot of work for dh. (He freelances). I told her dh broke his leg and unable to travel so she said I’ll come to him!

i never had this friend over before. (And she the kind of person who talks for hours and hours about herself only never asking how you are or letting you talk) and I don’t like having people over but it’s for work reasons so I agreed.

She comes, brings nothing! Just one document and says she forgot rest at home.

She then sits in our home for 7 hours! Playing music, chatting, talking about herself. From 1pm to 9pm

she then only leaves because her son calls her some kind of issue at home

she invites me for coffee few weeks later and she was complaining about how her son in bad with money, wastes all his money and has no savings etc

says “I don’t get it”

she then says “I don’t get you guys either. Your home and furniture are awful. So tatty, unattractive and old. when was the last time you had renovation? Your clothes too, when was the last time you went shopping? You live like poor people. I mean you live Like you are in poverty. To be honest I don’t get it either.”

she later texts me saying “ don’t get offended, I was just being honest, what kind of friend would I be not to tell you the truth xx”

wtf!

Are you OK? No one mentioned travellers. I think the poster was referring to digging a patio as in "to hide the body" of the rude person. Why would you relate this to travellers?!

It sounds like this ‘friend’ is talking to you, and treating you, like one of these anonymous forums: saying whatever enters her head without filter, or care for others, for hours on end. It sounds like a similar tone to some of the ‘I don’t believe you’ replies both you and others get. Do you think she’s lost herself in an online world without social norms?

She isn’t being honest she is being nasty

she isn’t a friend

This seems very odd also - of course your mum will be aware her e.g. kitchen hasn't been updated since 1987. It sounds like what she doesn't realise without "little hints" is not the age of her possessions but that people, including her own daughter, are judging her for them!

That's seriously your take on this?? I'm with the pp who asked if you were the 'friend' in question. Just wow.

Couldn't agree more. Some of us don't actually see value in unnecessarily consuming stuff and discarding other stuff at regular intervals just to follow the herd.

Who on earth is that shallow that clothes and furniture are more important than a being a lovely person, long time dead in a hole with neither material item but a friend will be there and will remember you forever. Hopefully all you people that value materials will realise this at some point

Wow had some sympathy hornier but it has truly evaporated now! Point 2 - how cruel!!!

Op you shouldn't feel bad for letting her overstay her welcome - you were just being polite and friendly, I totally get it. She was rude to be so blunt with her opinions. Anyway, better have savings and old furniture than end up with debt because you are keeping up with the Joneses.

I think me and DH look like paupers to many people just because we are not driving/wearjbg/furnishing all new stuff

That is NOT a friend! Surely you will ditch her after such unbelievable rudeness....

Email back saying we are taught at children not to tell the full truth if it will be hurtful,it is unfortunate you did not learn this lesson.
I will reply in kind you were cruel and bitchy,you also stayed far too long and talked about yourself - maybe you should look closer to home for a renovation project as your personality needs far more work than my home or wardrobe ever could.
I know you will not be offended as we are,as you say such good friends, therefore l know you would want me to tell you the full truth.

Text her to say "you're a dickhead, just being honest."

Can you start to assert yourself. Do you actually want to see her again? Text back 'you would be a kind friend. I'm very upset that you would say those things about us. Please don't visit again.'

That’s not being honest , it’s being rude af !

Who gives a toss if she's right or wrong. It's none of her business.

She’s obviously incredibly rude, regardless whether she is ‘right’ or not.

This. And she’s shockingly rude!

Now this is a stretch but does she mean it in some sort of backhanded compliment meaning you are well off and can afford these things but don't. Like the renovation comment, most people can't afford to suddenly do their house up so you wouldn't dream of mentioning it. Maybe she thinks you have the luxury to do more and can't quite understand that you have a different vision to her!
Nevertheless they're still wildly inappropriate comments as it's of course up to you how you dress and keep your home. It's all down to individual taste.
And it's just rude.

"Well THANKS!" in am annoyed/offended tone works wonders.
I would have said , "well who asked for your opinion anyway?". But i am a gobshite

Omg she’s so weird. Her not you.
please ignore all the noodleheads on your thread who lack the capacity to imagine that other peoples lives are different to their own.
I would use this experience as a pivot in your life. She is unpleasant. Bin her because she’s no friend of yours. Don’t engage her in any work situation either. Her attitude is entirely unprofessional.
Work on being firmer at ditching anyone who tramples on you like that. Decide if it would please you to give your clothes, house need a revamp. But only do so in ways you can afford, in styles you like and only to please your family. Not cows like her x

Did your friend also ask to borrow some money to give to her other friend?

“Don’t get offended, I’m just being honest”
…really means “I was rude on purpose.”

She criticised your home while sitting in it for 7 hours!

She forgot her work documents but remembered to bring her opinions.

For what it’s worth: people who are secure don’t feel the need to inventory other people’s sofas, wardrobes, and renovation timelines. They just say “thanks for having me” and leave before nightfall like normal humans.

You’re offended because she was rude, invasive, and unhinged.

Yeah, she's lying about your house, probably due to jealousy. I bet your house is comfortable and cosy and that's why she stayed so long. She was trying to get you to change it because she doesn't have what you have. My house is full of second hand stuff. I buy that due to it being more environmentally friendly, less expensive, having pets and also people not having to be on tenterhooks when visiting. Honestly, if she comes again, watch for her coming, meet her at the gate and tell her its not convenient, you have relatives visiting if you feel you can't tell her to get stuffed.

I wish we'd got to this earlier in the thread ...

I am not sure I even like people's modern furniture and modern homes. I prefer older objects, antiques, padded chairs etc

what kind of friend would I be not to tell you the truth

Quote this back to her on text and say…”an EX friend?” Then block.