Friend said my home, furniture and clothes are UGLY AND POOR

[Yourgurlmaddie]

This friend said she has a lot of work for dh. (He freelances). I told her dh broke his leg and unable to travel so she said I’ll come to him!

i never had this friend over before. (And she the kind of person who talks for hours and hours about herself only never asking how you are or letting you talk) and I don’t like having people over but it’s for work reasons so I agreed.

She comes, brings nothing! Just one document and says she forgot rest at home.

She then sits in our home for 7 hours! Playing music, chatting, talking about herself. From 1pm to 9pm

she then only leaves because her son calls her some kind of issue at home

she invites me for coffee few weeks later and she was complaining about how her son in bad with money, wastes all his money and has no savings etc

says “I don’t get it”

she then says “I don’t get you guys either. Your home and furniture are awful. So tatty, unattractive and old. when was the last time you had renovation? Your clothes too, when was the last time you went shopping? You live like poor people. I mean you live Like you are in poverty. To be honest I don’t get it either.”

she later texts me saying “ don’t get offended, I was just being honest, what kind of friend would I be not to tell you the truth xx”

wtf!

Thing is, while Putin may be dominating enough to waltz into a house and take over, he probably would have better things to do for 7 hours.

Do what the others have done and drop her. Blocking exists for a reason.

She’s socially inept. I’d not seeing her again and would hope DP chose not to do business with her.

I cannot believe someone would say that! That is nuts, OP. Bet you anything she is in tons of credit card and Klarna debt because she's addicted to shopping for useless shit.

Doesn't make sense. Why would someone you obviously dislike so much be a friend

Urgh yeah this. ^ The 'I tell it like it is' brigade.

They act like voicing their (often rude, unpleasant, and negative opinions) is a positive trait. Hint: it's NOT.

No-one cares about their barbed and spiteful comments, so WHY do they do this????? As I said, IMO, they are either jealous, and trying to bring the other person down/make them feel like shit, or they're miserable and unhappy and hate their life, and are trying to bring the other person down/make them feel like shit.

Nice, decent people who are happy with their life do NOT come out with the nasty shit that the OP's friend has come out with. Happy people are NOT spiteful.

Well she’s no friend, that’s for sure. I used to have a friend like this, also Eastern European who’d start every sentence with ‘as a higher rate tax payer’ - I think she was deeply insecure. The thing is what she sees as old or scruffy may just be a difference in taste, my ex-friend had a Massive expensive car on HP that her and her husband had to share and was actually quite inconvenient, she looked down on our two mid-range cars that were a few years old even though we owned them outright.

Perhaps she likes her furniture and clothes.
If they are functional and they like them why should furniture be replaced?
Good furniture should last for decades.
Similarly there is no compulsory to buy new clothes every season.
It's a waste of money.
But mainly it's no one elses business

She is no friend…….cut her out of your life!

It's rudeness dressed up as honesty. She has absolutely no social intelligence as evidenced by her staying so long and then her comments. She also has no respect for you.

Sounds like she is actually a business associate of hubby and not actually a friend, in which case her personal opinion is completely irrelevant.
Also some people are obsessed with shiny, new things. They dont understand why somebody might keep a 15 yr old couch or 10 yr old jumper when they are perfectly fit for purpose.

+10

"friend
/frɛnd/
A friend is a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, trust, and support, typically excluding sexual or family relationships. They are peers who offer companionship, encouragement, and understanding, often sharing similar values or interests. Friends are not enemies; they are allies in life."

I don't know what definition you're using!

I believe you OP. People don't believe these strange others really exist until they're stuck with them one day.

Once long ago my H did a massive favor for a coworker, saved his job and got him back pay etc. Coworker insisted we must visit his resort home across the state for a weekend. We went and it was the most bizarre weekend of my life. The resort home was a camper in an admittedly nice resort but cramped, no running water, no toilet etc. All the food, plates, cutlery was from fast food restaurants. No spoons, only mcdonlds stir sticks, everything was pocketed from elsewhere.

Worse yet, the wife was batshit crazy. She went on and on about money. How much things cost, how she saved money, how her entire family hated her and accused her of stealing inheritances (I bet she did). I mean hours of discussion of drapes, faucets, flooring, literally anything I learned the cost of and how she swindled someone to get it free/dirt cheap. They fully expected their daughter to support them as soon as she finished college.

I wished I had a gun to either point at her to get away or to remove myself from the hell I was in. H had to take me on a nice weekend away the following month to make up for it.

The funniest part was as we were leaving the wife said sadly 'we'll never see you again will we' and I thought oh others have managed to escape you too thank god.

@Yourgurlmaddie - she's not your friend. Don't have anyone in your life who is a cock. It's too short as it is.

Even if she is, it wasn't nice to say that. Not everyone can keep up with the current "trends". And some people prefer an older, cozy look. Who cares? A nice house to me is one that is clean and well take care of, even if the furnishings are outdated.

@Yourgurlmaddie
Reply to her.
Say what she said is offensive and rude.
And no you don't accept her as a friend.
Chapter closed.

I'd probably find that awkward to be quite that candid too. I'd be more likely to think up a reason - "really sorry, but we need to collect dc/take cat to vet, go and get groceries" etc, but I accept that was harder when she knew DH was housebound.

Ultimately though, why do you care? You know, and I know, she's rude and weird.

Even if you do have tacky stuff, what kind of incontinent brain flatulence causes someone to say it? There is a worrying trend these days to justify outright rudeness by elevating it to "Honesty" with a capital H. Different if you had asked for an opinion.

There was no need for her to say it - and she knows it too, as she gave her non-apology apology.

Some people are just dicks: move on and don't worry about her.

This isn't a friend and (although this would never happen to me) I would never speak to her again

Even if she was, she should have kept her mouth shut.

I have a friend like this. I'm currently trying to distance myself. She's never seen inside my home and I'm avoiding it like the plague.

Shan't derail the thread, but - by her own admission - she's lost several "good" friends. One of them died before lockdown. She was a former colleague and we both attended the funeral.

To my shock, a while back my friend told me that she'd gone round to the colleague's house after she died to look in the window. (Why??? No, I didn't ask at the time, was still reeling from a bereavement at the time.)

She then criticised everything that she saw. God knows what she'd think of my place. (I have seen inside hers, and it's not to my taste, but I wouldn't dream of criticising.)

I've realised that she's very often critical.* I've not broken things off for good, but I'm tailing them off.

*Example. Told me that I should stop going to a certain exercise class in the gym only 10 minutes away from me. It's included in my membership.

Instead, I should go the same class that she attends "only £7 [instead of nothing?]" and - according to her - superior. This other class is 20 miles away from me.

I need to grow a backbone, but she was kind to me when my husband died. However, she sometimes gets a bit shouty and I've realised that I can't stand it.

Your friend sounds similar, @OP.

How do you know her? She is not a friend and won’t be anyone’s friend at this rate. I would just block her and not bother saying anything to her, someone else will say it for you. Instead practise saying no and come up with some phrases for when you want people to leave

Why would she say it?

Because she's an arse?

i actually mastered up the courage at one point hours to say

“Omg fridge is empty, I really need to go get some food”

she replied “ I’ll be here when you get back. I’ll keep your hubby company. Or you can order a takeaway!”

She’s what we in NI call ‘very pass remarkable’ and it’s definitely not a compliment. I have met many people like her over the years, who are ‘just saying’ or ‘telling it like it is’. Usually because they think their opinion is so important, you’re lucky to hear it. And the very same people are often the ones who burst into tears when anyone says similar to them. I feel for you because I’m socially awkward too and end up letting people walk all over me because I’m not great at being diplomatic, so I say nothing rather than offend. I grew up in a house with second hand furniture and older stuff because my parents were very much of the ‘make do and mend’ mentality. But it was clean and we were cared for and my friends loved coming round because there was a relaxed atmosphere. Sadly, when I got into my mid to late teens, I learned what people could be like about stuff like that. Just be grateful you’re not like your ‘friend’

I didn't realise that you had CCTV installed in all of our homes. Or are you the "friend"?

Ergh. The thing is, people like this for not take polite hints/ requests. And if you are firm, they play the victim.

They rely on othe people not being total dicks.