Update to AIBU to refuse Aunt's fwb claim on her estate.

[Sleepneededprettyplease]

Posting here because it is where I put the first thread.

A brief summery is that my Aunt died and her FWB is trying to say that he is entitled to part of her estate because she had asked me to allow him to stay in a house she had invested in for me. Anyway if you want the full story feel free to read what I put on the first thread.

Anyway the main thing is that he is now sueing in the courts. I need a bit of a hand hold please. My lawyers have suggested getting a barristers opinion so I am just waiting for that. I wouldn't even mind if it was possible to just go to mediation but he wants the house for the rest of his life and won't consider anything else.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5505433-aibu-to-refuse-aunts-fwb-claim-on-her-estate?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

If he was living with any of those family
members and they died, then he would have a claim to be a dependent of that estate.

But the judge can’t rule that another family member must house him to “cure” his dependant status

He also claims that she made him dependent on her for housing

That's a weird one isn't it?

So he was forced by her to move from wherever he was before & she took his pension/income so that he couldn't move out & rent?

She let him stay when his previous relationship broke down. He got a significant sum when that house sold but wasted the lot. £80k gone in 3 years.

That apparently doesn't matter though.

This is the issue. He says he can't stay with them which is nonsense but as he doesn't want to we cannot prove anything.

Personally I will never be having a holiday home. I wasn't really in favour before all of this. Now I am absolutely anti.

I get the desire for justice. I truly feel so frustrated but I have to put it to one side. I need to be practical here.

Ah OP, I really want justice for you. This is a terrible situation. I would ask all the posters on here to have a collective message sent to the man so he pops his clogs as soon as possible .I would love it if Rip Off Britain find a solution because then you can get on with your life and do what you want with the property I reckon you have a lot of support and I wish the man a very short life. I am not a mean person usually but I look forward to hearing about a funeral for him. At least he is an OAP.

Agree 100%. And yes, we have to do what works for us.

At this point I'm foregoing justice and working on 'peace and acceptance'. As my Gran used to say "What cannot be cured must be endured". And I'm enduring as best I can.

Thank you. I truly don't believe anything will make him see himself as in the wrong.

At one point all of his siblings stopped talking to him for years due to him making decisions for them and not listening. He still believes he was right and they were just being daft to not see it.

His choices cost them a lot of money but he will never accept he could have been wrong.

I think everyone's granny said that. I also like the serenity prayer although I am not especially religious. I feel that the meaning is relevant to everyone regardless of belief.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

He's an absolute parasite, isn't he?

Complete.

The cohabitation rules that are proposed would make it incredibly easy to do a CF, OP.

They’re meant to stop you and the DC being booted out on the street - ie to cut welfare.

But the wording is so vague a paid carer for an elderly person could easily claim their house after the death.

The elderly are huge CF targets, as homeowners, as you know to
your cost. No one else is worth as much. And the rise in dementia is a gift to this legislation.

A lot of people I know are livid at the idea that if you try living together you’re billed for half your house after splitting just 2 years later.

@Sleepneededprettyplease I've only read your posts on the thread so this may have already been suggested, have you considered starting a go fund me or similar campaign? I reckon you'd get lots of support and donations, and also possibly get it out into mainstream media etc.

Well this is without any new rules.

I personally think that there needs to be more clarity. If there had been some sort of statement that my Aunt needed to make she would have done so. None of us thought about him doing this until after he did. We were unaware that it was possible.

In hindsight If I had waited until after the deadline to challenge a will had passed and then removed him I would have been fine. I just didn't think about this as a possibility.

A few people have talked of the media with suggestions. After the bank holiday I will put out a feeler or two. See if I get any response.

I will keep the lawyers working on a settlement though as I cannot afford to bank on it.

OP, the media get it wrong all the time.

You’re at risk of CF doing Pensioner Sad-face on page 8 while you’re painted as a greedy landlord.

Worse, you open yourself to the risk of being sued for libel if you tell the truth in print because you can’t prove in writing CF is lying. He’s not going to start being truthful now.

He’s already suing you once, don’t go asking for trouble.

Getting a third-party interested is very different from suggesting she goes on a FB rant to personally disparage him, which I agree she should absolutely not do. He'd be suing the programme/publication.

I was also thinking the focus should be on the legal loopholes that allowed this to happen, not necessarily him personally. Yes, he might have a different account of how close he was to the aunt but that would be framed as an opinion, which is not grounds for libel.

In any case, we are getting ahead of ourselves.

In other words, I think there is a way to contain the reputational risk. It's interesting someone enough to write the story that is the harder part. I agree you don't want to 'self-publish' but OP isn't suggesting that.

Sorry I'm back to this. I am procrastinating.

OP, since laws around 'cohabitation' rights are very topical and being debated would you consider writing to your MP in the first instance?

I'd keep it very factual about the limited evidence relied on for their relationship to establish 'need', the court experience you had and your solicitor's view you would likely get a different decision further along, but the incredibly costly barrier to get there.

If they have any suggestions for help - you're all ears - but it's hard not to see how someone knowing about this isn't in the public interest.

This from @Supersimkin7 really hit me:

The elderly are huge CF targets, as homeowners, as you know to
your cost. No one else is worth as much. And the rise in dementia is a gift to this legislation.

My DH's grandfather was hit by a scammer - they are as old as time - but we should not be FACILITATING THEM.

Thanks @OVienna and @Supersimkin7

I actually think the chances of any of this media idea going anywhere are slight. They must have thousands of emails a day.

Talking to my MP probably wouldn't hurt but I doubt they can do much.

The most likely thing is that I have to settle. He lives in the house but pays rent. I have a number of years of stress until he dies.

I am somewhat resigned to this.

I think you are wise to do what is best for you at this point, even if he doesn't get justice. It's so infuriating, and such a slap in the face to your aunt. Maybe you could get him hooked on unhealthy habits to...er...speed things along. Whiskey of the month club? Free bacon bap delivered every morning? Rent includes a few cartons of cigarettes?

Lol😂

This made me smile. TBH he has enough vices of his own. All of the above and a few more so...

Do you at least get to decide the rent rate??

I like the thinking.

The house he is living in is not part of the estate, but by op and her sister.
Estate has to pay the rent to Op and sister.

You have a house you could be utilising as an air b&b near the coast, some of these bring in rent of £2000 a week.

Show you could achieve this if of wasn't there, set the rate to this level and pay it from the estate.

When the estate has no money left, he can no longer be kept.