Update to AIBU to refuse Aunt's fwb claim on her estate.

[Sleepneededprettyplease]

Posting here because it is where I put the first thread.

A brief summery is that my Aunt died and her FWB is trying to say that he is entitled to part of her estate because she had asked me to allow him to stay in a house she had invested in for me. Anyway if you want the full story feel free to read what I put on the first thread.

Anyway the main thing is that he is now sueing in the courts. I need a bit of a hand hold please. My lawyers have suggested getting a barristers opinion so I am just waiting for that. I wouldn't even mind if it was possible to just go to mediation but he wants the house for the rest of his life and won't consider anything else.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5505433-aibu-to-refuse-aunts-fwb-claim-on-her-estate?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

It would have carried more weight if I had reminded her to update it. Unfortunately I never even considered that.

It is very galling that he didn't even cohabit in any meaningful sense and yet the court is saying that the aunt's estate must house him for life hopefully not very much of that left, when DP and I have genuinely cohabited for 26 years but had to get a civil partnership or married so that we could both have security in our shared house.

I can't move anyone else in. I don't live close enough to make a lot of noise. This would also be unfair to the neighbours.

Trust me I completely share the frustration.

Crazy situation !

Who is currently paying the bills ?

Council tax, utilities ?

Cancel the utilities ?

OP stated yesterday - He is paying the utilities. Not rent though. I pay landlords and buildings insurances, gas safety certificate and ground rent.

The FWB

Cross posted. Sorry

I agree with everyone and have had something slightly similar myself, but OP, at some point let it all go (mentally) and try to regain your sanity. This has the potential to make a big dent in your mental health and you don’t want that. If in the end he gets what he shouldn’t, let it be and forget about it. Hopefully he’ll go to hell for how he played people in this life, but it would be better if you didn’t while still in this world. Your aunt will always remain your kind and lovely aunt, make sure you find a way of detaching that from this situation.
Sorry if I ‘spoke’ out of line, but it took a long time for me to concentrate on not
being bitter when something similar
happened to a family member, and I realised then that I was poisoning my own life rather than achieving anything with ‘my’ fwb person, she was just enjoying life with my father’s money.

Thank you.

I am trying and when I have more slack financially I think I will get myself some counselling to process everything. I feel like that will help me sort through some complex emotions. Guilt, anger, shame, grief, disappointment, so many emotions tied up in this.

Edited to add: you are definitely not out of line

This seems very unfair. This is of no help to you but I do wonder whether if your aunt had specified in her will that she was very deliberately not leaving anything to him (because he was a mere acquaintance and not a dependant) it would have averted this. My friend was advised to do this by a solicitor to prevent her CF estranged brother from attempting to claim on her estate, even though the estate in its entirety is being left to her son.

I hope this is settled as quickly as it can be.

It would have helped. I just didn't think at the time. Her will was unchanged for a long time, decades before he was back in her life. It leaves space for ambiguity.

To me it is clear that she didn't change her will because she didn't want to. But
...

Is the FWB wanting the house gifted to him, in so much that he would own it and it would be inherited by his family or does he want to live there for the rest of his life ? At least in second case you would get the house in hopefully not too distant future. Feel for you, what an awful situation 😢

He is trying to argue he should own it. That is very unlikely to happen and tbh hasn't come up for a while.

It seems that he is now accepting that it will be living there for his life at most.

I would still prefer the lump sum but in the end I may end up better off accepting rent. I just worry about the headaches that might bring with it.

You're not a wimp at all - I am so horrified and sad about your update (especially as someone who had a long fertility/IVF journey too 💐).

It is awful and disgusting what this horrible man has done and is doing, but I really admire your clear sightedness to move forward with a plan that helps you achieve your own life goals without being swayed into taking the moral high ground. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to accept that a short-term loss can be a long-term gain.

I really hope in a few short years you are selling this house and putting this unhappy chapter to bed, while enjoying a happy life in your mortgage-free home with a happy and healthy child in your arms 💐

Thank you.

I just want it finished. I want to move on, to grieve in peace. I feel like this has been a huge emotional toll for a year now and the sooner I can settle something that I can at least live with, the sooner I can have my life back.

I want IVF to work and I worry the stress of this will affect my chances.

@Lovethesun100 he might want it but I don’t think it’s on the cards.

It sounds like the judge considers FWB a dependant of the estate and that therefore he should be given something to enable him to continue to have a roof over his head (as he is now too old to get a job etc). It’s not an asset transfer.

Yes. He seems to be getting the idea that he isn't just going to be given the house.

Also yes that is what he wanted.

I think you’re being heroic OP. Stress doesn’t affect implantation by the way.

No one is going to give him the house - that isn’t what dependency settlements do.

I suggest your best bet is to start working out what level of rent you can get cos he won’t have a lump sum - flog everything else in the estate you can. Start a list of caveats you want in the lease so you can add to it as ideas occur and it’s ready to go when the court’s done to include in the final agreement.

One tiny upside - CF’s paying council tax which you’d have to otherwise. Ha!

Yes. The housing market is also pants atm. I am hoping it will pick up when I actually come to sell and I will be able to do so more easily.

I have to look for silver linings.

Thank you I don't feel heroic.

Think of it as someone living in the house for home insurance purposes instead of having it empty and then when the market is better you can sell.

If you can get him paying rent then great - you could build up a chunk of money which when he dies you can use for house selling fees.

I suspect that any rent I manage to get will go on insurance/ letting agents fees / repairs and all the random expenses and demands he is likely to make. If I could put aside enough to cover the bills of an empty house and cleaning for a few months that would be amazing

What enrages me here is what others have said about women living with men for decades and raising their children but getting dumped and left with nothing when the relationship breaks down (or they pass away and their partner's children kick them out.)

I am so angry on your behalf OP - we all are. But what can we do? I wish we could do something.

Am I right in thinking you are still gathering evidence they weren't properly together?

On her will - don't beat yourself up. It would probably never have occurred to your Aunt this was a possibility she had to mitigate against. You would have looked at each other and both thought: Noooo, that's too crazy. Cause by any measure it is. I am gobsmacked.

Is there any chance you could enter the property for urgent repairs? Possible asbestos based on some docs you found?

Are you absolutely sure you can't move someone in alongside him?

OP, I don’t think you need a letting agent if you already have a tenant, and I wouldn’t do
any repairs or other things for him that you wouldn’t want done yourself.

Remember, the outcome of the settlement process is not a foregone conclusion that he will live in the house for life. It may be a lump sum settlement so he has funds to move on.

Is there any chance you could enter the property for urgent repairs? Possible asbestos based on some docs you found?

Are you absolutely sure you can't move someone in alongside him?

How would entering the property improve the situation?

And who would put their life on hold to move in with a hostile 80-something, and to what end?

Be careful with this as stronger laws are coming - we had to have all our electricity checked and will probably need work due to new rental standards.