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AIBU?

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Original poster

Update to AIBU to refuse Aunt's fwb claim on her estate.

756 replies

Sleepneededprettyplease · 07/04/2026 17:52

Posting here because it is where I put the first thread.

A brief summery is that my Aunt died and her FWB is trying to say that he is entitled to part of her estate because she had asked me to allow him to stay in a house she had invested in for me. Anyway if you want the full story feel free to read what I put on the first thread.

Anyway the main thing is that he is now sueing in the courts. I need a bit of a hand hold please. My lawyers have suggested getting a barristers opinion so I am just waiting for that. I wouldn't even mind if it was possible to just go to mediation but he wants the house for the rest of his life and won't consider anything else.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5505433-aibu-to-refuse-aunts-fwb-claim-on-her-estate?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 16:35

WhistPie · 25/08/2026 10:55

I'd move in with him & make his life hell! Or even better, move a certain male relative in and no attempt would have to be made to make his life hell, it would just happen.

Edited

Tempting but I live hundreds of miles away and can't work remotely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 16:36

OVienna · 25/08/2026 10:57

I am so sorry. This reallly sucks. Anyone out there able to procure a rent a poltergeist to BOO him out?!

If you know anyone send over their details 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 16:45

PinkEasterbunny · 25/08/2026 10:01

I have nothing to suggest just to say it all seems desperately unfair and I am so sorry

Same here, the law is ridiculous sometimes and what's the point of a will if you can end up in situations like this

I don't know. It makes me question things tbh.

OP posts:
NewBeginnings77 · 25/08/2026 16:54

Can you not buy and site a caravan on a nearby site, which would be a few thousand at most, and voila he's adequately housed by the estate?
Im sickened for you that he's got his way

fashionqueen0123 · 25/08/2026 17:01

Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 16:33

He is paying the utilities. Not rent though. I pay landlords and buildings insurances, gas safety certificate and ground rent.

Edited
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can you inform the providers that you own the house and no supply is needed? After all you aren’t living there.

Im also thinking - can you do things to just annoy him out of living there.
Move a family member in for a short holiday and get them to play really annoying music.

But definitely, he needs to be paying rent surely. Although I guess you’ve already tried to evict him. If he’s 86 though..: I’d be inclined to just wait it out. If you need the money from the house then get it up for sale. Get some contractors in to redecorate etc
That all takes ages.

diddl · 25/08/2026 17:31

I pay landlords and buildings insurances, gas safety certificate and ground rent.

How did that come about if he was supposedly just staying there as your Aunt wanted him to?

CoraPirbright · 25/08/2026 17:45

Is there any scope for renting YOUR house out to a bunch of rowdy students?!

I am so sorry OP. It’s not what we all wanted for you.

Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:17

fashionqueen0123 · 25/08/2026 09:40

So what happens if you said ok you can live there but rent is will need to be paid?

How old is he?

or… you make him move out. He finds a rental. If he ‘might’ have a claim
then presumably he also may not? So he may not be able to get any money. And you wouldn’t be able to pay him until the house is sold? So confusing. I don’t know how this is allowed to happen. He’s a squatter!

What evidence did he have?!

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What happens is that we have to agree a settlement. The better outcome here as far as I am concerned is I pay him some money and he goes away. Otherwise we may end up with him living there at a cheap rent. I don't like that because I think it has ongoing headaches written all over it.

He is in his 80's.

His evidence was statements from his friends. Also we put on the IHT form that my Aunt retained benefit from the house because it was her holiday home. He argued that it meant that she supported him and therefore he was dependent. That gives him a claim to her estate it seems.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:18

PsychoHotSauce · 25/08/2026 10:09

It's not the law really, it's the system that scaffolds it. The principle of 'access to justice' is two-tier. Apparently if you have deep pockets and money to burn, you can run a case to a high enough court to have the law applied. At the lower levels though, there's a fixation on 'mediation' and settlement even for chancers. It becomes an expensive game of chicken or letting the brazen in society win.

ETA the case law supports OP on this, and judges really do respect the letter of the will so that is important evidence. It's difficult to win a claim like his. However there's a chasm and a LOT of cash between the law being on your side and actually enforcing it.

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This.

I might well be able to win but it would cost me more than the win is worth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:19

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 25/08/2026 10:29

Just as a warning- the house I live in was bought after a similar dispute. Lawyers fees were £340k. We bought the house for £360k.

The woman who won said she didn't care, she just didn't want a 'golddigger' getting her late sons house. But what a price to pay- she had to pay the gold-diggers costs despite winning.

This is why I will settle. I don't want that situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:20

diddl · 25/08/2026 17:31

I pay landlords and buildings insurances, gas safety certificate and ground rent.

How did that come about if he was supposedly just staying there as your Aunt wanted him to?

I was trying to protect myself. I thought if I set it up as a proper tenancy it would stop this situation.

I was wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:21

CoraPirbright · 25/08/2026 17:45

Is there any scope for renting YOUR house out to a bunch of rowdy students?!

I am so sorry OP. It’s not what we all wanted for you.

No. No students nearby.

Holidaymakers possibly but not with him there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:23

fashionqueen0123 · 25/08/2026 17:01

can you inform the providers that you own the house and no supply is needed? After all you aren’t living there.

Im also thinking - can you do things to just annoy him out of living there.
Move a family member in for a short holiday and get them to play really annoying music.

But definitely, he needs to be paying rent surely. Although I guess you’ve already tried to evict him. If he’s 86 though..: I’d be inclined to just wait it out. If you need the money from the house then get it up for sale. Get some contractors in to redecorate etc
That all takes ages.

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I can't move people in with him there. At least I don't think I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:23

NewBeginnings77 · 25/08/2026 16:54

Can you not buy and site a caravan on a nearby site, which would be a few thousand at most, and voila he's adequately housed by the estate?
Im sickened for you that he's got his way

It seems not. I wish I could.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 18:24

SpikingDrinks · 25/08/2026 10:11

What's fwb

Friends with benefits. Or casual shag.

OP posts:
Llttledrummergirl · 25/08/2026 18:31

The judge has screwed you over,so why continue to play nicely?

Can you not now activate the original eviction notice and negotiate with him out of the house.

CunningLinguist2 · 25/08/2026 18:38

This is mad! You own the house. Surely, it’s yours to sell. - with him as a sitting tenant? Let new owner charge him rent?

SheilaFentiman · 25/08/2026 18:46

CunningLinguist2 · 25/08/2026 18:38

This is mad! You own the house. Surely, it’s yours to sell. - with him as a sitting tenant? Let new owner charge him rent?

Who would buy it, though?

And if the argument is that FWB has an expectation of support from the estate, then the estate would just end up covering the rent.

Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 19:15

LovesLabradors · 25/08/2026 11:35

Wow - that's shocking. I think PP's are correct that the lower levels of the court concentrate on mediation, and don't necessarily apply the law. Maybe Judge was wary of making this man homeless.
But for him to lie in court and claim they were cohabiting makes all the difference - why weren't you able to bring more evidence at this stage, when they were allowed to change their argument? Seems unfair.
There is definitely a terrible lesson in all this. Never ever allow a cocklodger to get their knees under the kitchen table, as a favour. You and your Aunt were being kind and neither of you could have foreseen this.
Different I know, but many decades ago, DH and I allowed friends (a couple) to move in with us "for a couple of weeks" after they had been travelling. Of course they stayed far longer, and many months later we put the house on the market to relocate. We even moved out, leaving them there, and I began to fear they would never leave. I had visions of them still being there when the new buyers turned up with a removals van! Friends can turn into cheeky fuckers very quickly.

Yes. The sense of entitlement is amazing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 19:19

Llttledrummergirl · 25/08/2026 18:31

The judge has screwed you over,so why continue to play nicely?

Can you not now activate the original eviction notice and negotiate with him out of the house.

The risk of being hit by a lot of costs is why I play nice. It is not my preference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 19:20

CunningLinguist2 · 25/08/2026 18:38

This is mad! You own the house. Surely, it’s yours to sell. - with him as a sitting tenant? Let new owner charge him rent?

If he has to move out I am liable to house him atm.

Yes it is mad.

OP posts:
Thanksforyourlackofthought · 25/08/2026 19:45

Sorry if this has been suggested or covered already but could you not start charging him rent even if it has to be a lower amount and then sell the property as a tenanted property? If he’s 86 that would make him quite attractive to a developer.

Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 19:59

pinkdelight · 25/08/2026 12:02

This is wild. When you think of all the women who are in full long-term proper relationships with men and have children together but never have any claim on the house when things go south and the guy gets to keep everything. Sickening. Sounds like you got extremely unlucky with the judge. Wish there was a magic fix but just hope you can get luckier and get some justice before this ends.

It seems completely weird but if you are alive you can say that they have to stop being dependent. If you are dead it seems the law gives them a lot more rights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 20:00

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 25/08/2026 19:45

Sorry if this has been suggested or covered already but could you not start charging him rent even if it has to be a lower amount and then sell the property as a tenanted property? If he’s 86 that would make him quite attractive to a developer.

I might be able to charge rent as part of a settlement but I wouldn't be likely to be able to sell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepneededprettyplease · 25/08/2026 20:16

Daftapath · 25/08/2026 11:22

This is more or less what happened with my family member.

They had spent ££££ on renovating their house before sale (they had already moved elsewhere) and squatters moved in. The squatters trashed the place. So the family member basically moved a guy in who was ex army and he made their lives so uncomfortable that the squatters all left very quickly and without complaint.

Op I’m so sorry that this has continued to be so difficult and stressful for you. The court system is sometimes so frustrating … been there, done that!

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I must admit this is severely denting my trust in the system. I'm not sure what the point od a will is if a judge can just decide to ignore it.

OP posts: