I need some independent advice

[Lilypatch]

This is long so many apologies.

i am due to go to an Oasis concert tomorrow. I booked almost a year ago & told my boyfriend at the time of booking. He said at that time that it was fine for him to come with me.

Fast forward to yesterday evening, he tells me that he’s not coming to oasis as he doesn’t like them! Now my AIBU is why the hell has he not told me in the many months leading upto this so I could have arranged to go with someone else. As it stands none of my mates are free understandably due to the short notice. I don’t want to go on my own. Have organised to sell the tickets.

Really looking for some advice cos I’m so cheesed off about it.

In all other respects he’s great, really loving & affectionate, but he really struggles with doing something that I’ve paid for as he thinks that if we as a couple do anything as the bloke he should pay - we have had lots of arguments about this.

We’re both in our 40’s. No kids together.

Ask him for the money for the tickets? Say you’re skint.

I couldn't be with someone who let me down like this.

He's had months to say something.

I once had an ex who did this to me two hours before the gig we were due to go to. I was furious. I ended up taking my daughter and we had a fantastic time.
I dumped his sorry ass the day after the gig. I just couldn’t be with someone who thought it was ok to let me down just as I’m about to leave my house to pick him up

This behaviour is weird and you’re right to be cross. I’m sure you can sell the ticket for at least face value if not higher but of course you wanted to go to the show.

His view of the man pays would be a big problem for me, especially as that’s translating into ‘if I haven’t paid, we don’t go.’

This is unforgivable behaviour.

I would go alone - why on earth would you sell these tickets?? These are gold dust tickets! Oasis is not really my thing but with gigs like these, they are iconic and memorable - don't 'not go' just because of him! Even if you have to go alone. I would go alone.

I did similar with Al Green tickets years ago, got rid of them due to a bloke situation. What a numpty. I have always regretted that.

Don't miss out on important musical events for a man who might be gone in five years.

He doesn’t exactly have to be their biggest fan to still go. That would be the thing that annoys me most. He could go because he wants you to have a good time even if he doesn’t like them much.

Sell one ticket. Go on your own and enjoy it without him.

Could you contact your local Gig Buddies (I know there’s a branch in Cardiff) & offer the second ticket to someone in their care that can’t go to a gig on their own? Maybe not the person you hoped to go with (& I’d be having serious words if DH did this to me) but then you at least get to see them?

YABU for missing out on the concert by not going by yourself.

YANBU for being angry at his attitude that he has to pay for joint outings. That seems very controlling.

YABU for continuing to date a man with such sexist attitudes. He’s now let you down, badly.

Why don’t you want to go to the gig alone?

If this is your only sticking point, let him pay for stuff in future. I’d be majorly annoyed though as I hate being let down. I wouldn’t go alone either.

Thanks for all the replies. X

Go on your own and sell the other ticket. I bet a mumsnetter would go with you! I would if I was local 😆

Please go anyway?

@SleepQuest33 I don’t want to as I’m really nervous of going on my own anywhere 😭

Surely there's someone who would have your arm off to go with you - have you asked colleagues perhaps?

He doesn't sound that great if he's just announced now that he won't be going with you, after nearly 12 months of you looking forward to it. He sounds sexist and selfish. Does he envisage him being the earner / paying for everything / deciding where you both go etc?

Being nervous isn’t a good reason not to do things. I have an anxiety condition and ‘get it’ and find that, usually, avoidance doesn’t help.

It also won’t help your nervousness about doing things to date a sexist man.

Take another bloke person to the concert

Nghtmare (him!). Go and get him to take you there and pick you up at the end 😅

Well done on getting tickets - if it’s tomorrow it’s for Cardiff isn’t it? I tried for 7 hours when they first went on sale and no luck! Also no luck in the subsequent ballots etc that went out.

Don’t be. I don’t know if you know the stadium in Cardiff but it’s super easy to navigate, the staff are very helpful and it’s right by the railway station. Just go. Everyone there will be an Oasis fan and you will find you can chat easily. Seated or standing tickets?

Why are you nervous of going on your own anywhere?

I'd go on my own and possibly dump him, but it seems as though you would struggle to do stuff independently so that isn't an option for you.

Tell him it's too short notice to let you down and you really want him to come with you.
If he won't, ask around. Friends of friends will want to come. Once you are at a gig, it doesn't really matter who's beside you if you get immersed in the music.
Wish I could join you. Dh hates them but I think Don't Look Back in Anger is one of the best songs of that decade.

I’ve sold the tickets & dumped him!

nice one!