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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pictures on phone

36 replies

suspiciousqueen · 26/03/2025 23:29

DH went for drinks after work and got back an hour ago. Tipsy to say the least but he bought back doner kebab and chips for us to share and we had a nice convo. All good until we go upstairs to bed, he's already settled in and on his phone. I need something from his bedside table and notice he's looking at a photo he's taken of a woman whilst on tube back home. I ask him to show me and he does. I tell him why the fuck would you take a photo of someone random, he spouts bs that she was looking at him weird. Ok, so why take the photo?? I ask to see what other photos he's took and he refuses and gets loud. Kids are asleep so I'm not doing this. I get into bed as I don't want him deleting anything if I go bathroom!
So now I'm lying in bed waiting for him to go to sleep so I can go for a wee! What the actual fuck.

Aibu if I look through his phone...

OP posts:
Motherearthisbusy · 26/03/2025 23:36

LOOK THROUGH HIS PHONE 100%

Manyplanetsfromthesun · 26/03/2025 23:38

I think I’d take myself off to sleep elsewhere in the house, and bring this one up tomorrow. Early tomorrow morning. Unless there is a massive backdrop.

(actually chances are I’d look at his phone… but I’d like to think I’d advise myself the above wisdom).

Ablondiebutagoody · 27/03/2025 00:21

Look before they are deleted

Twonewcats · 27/03/2025 00:32

Ewwww. Does it look like a photo of a random, or could it be someone he knows?

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 00:33

he will delete them if he hasn’t already

Tryingmum456 · 27/03/2025 00:34

What a creep

coxesorangepippin · 27/03/2025 00:36

Pretty creepy ugh

PinkyFlamingo · 27/03/2025 00:38

There's something wrong with someone who takes photos of female strangers they don't know about

MissDoubleU · 27/03/2025 00:39

100% creepy. Check his phone as soon as he’s asleep. Take it to the bathroom with you and lock the door.

Remember Gisele Pelicot’s husband had his horrific crimes exposed only because he was caught photographing (upskirting) women in the supermarket.

It is a major, major red flag.

Addictedtowotsits · 27/03/2025 00:42

Motherearthisbusy · 26/03/2025 23:36

LOOK THROUGH HIS PHONE 100%

Yeah I know people say about privacy but....I'd look first opportunity I can

Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 27/03/2025 01:12

I've gone through his phone as soon as his snoring started!
I found that whilst he was at his works drinks he got chatting with a Sylvia and saved her name in his contacts as: Sylvia(x+y)...what the hell does this mean?!
He gave her a missed call at 8pm so I assume she gave him her number and he called her so she'd have his contact. I wonder what she's saved him as.

OP posts:
Mlb123 · 27/03/2025 02:01

Oh dear the x + y seems to me that it's to signify the symbol for male snd female but in a sexual way. He clearly thinks he's in there the creep . Sorry you deserve better xx

Addictedtowotsits · 27/03/2025 06:00

x+y - I think it's chromosomes.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/03/2025 06:31

Saving a colleagues phone number isn’t strange. The x+y could be a department she is in or potentially some other way for him to remember who she is/maybe he missed what her surname was and was too embarrassed to ask.

the taking a photo of a stranger is weird

DesperateDenise · 27/03/2025 07:58

The whole thing of the photos is very concerning.
But surely the x + y must be a reminder Sylvia is a actually a guy?
Is he into Trans porn? I understand that's meant to be really popular. Has he shown an interest in men sexually?

Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 27/03/2025 09:24

So not only did he have a photo but he also took a video of a woman walking in front of him and he focussed the video on her arse. She was wearing tight fitting trousers. Makes me sick, think he took it to wank off to.
I confronted him this morning and he says it was a stupid embarrassing thing to do and blames it on him being drunk.

I also looked at the contact he saved as Sylvia on his WhatsApp and she's definitely a woman from her WhatsApp profile pic. Im thinking he was flirting with her. She's not in his department so prob someone who works for same company and they got talking.
His past behaviour when out and drinking he makes new friends but it's always other women not men. I'm sickened by him right now.

OP posts:
Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 09:26

suspiciousqueen · 27/03/2025 09:24

So not only did he have a photo but he also took a video of a woman walking in front of him and he focussed the video on her arse. She was wearing tight fitting trousers. Makes me sick, think he took it to wank off to.
I confronted him this morning and he says it was a stupid embarrassing thing to do and blames it on him being drunk.

I also looked at the contact he saved as Sylvia on his WhatsApp and she's definitely a woman from her WhatsApp profile pic. Im thinking he was flirting with her. She's not in his department so prob someone who works for same company and they got talking.
His past behaviour when out and drinking he makes new friends but it's always other women not men. I'm sickened by him right now.

That is truly disgusting, perverted behaviour. I’m so so sorry OP. I don’t think this can be brushed off as drunken behaviour.
Has he ever done anything similar before?

MissDoubleU · 27/03/2025 09:27

He’s a pervert. Drunk is an excuse, and a bad one. Leave him. You deserve better, as does humanity in general.

dialfor · 27/03/2025 09:38

Drunk or not that’s the kind of man he is. Creepy perv.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/03/2025 09:39

Filming other women without consent would be a deal breaker for me. The number thing he can explain away, you will neve know if it is "just" a colleague..

But the filming paired with the number speaks of a man with low morals and respect.

I've been drunk plenty of times whilst married, I've managed not to do things that cross the boundaries of my relationship (or human decency).

It pisses me off how some men act as thought being drunk has given them a completely excusable, temporary personality transplant.

BodyKeepingScore · 27/03/2025 10:55

Mlb123 · 27/03/2025 02:01

Oh dear the x + y seems to me that it's to signify the symbol for male snd female but in a sexual way. He clearly thinks he's in there the creep . Sorry you deserve better xx

Well this is quite the leap…

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 11:34

X+Y are the male chromosomes, there’s also a gay magazine called X+Y I think. Could Sylvia be a man?

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/03/2025 17:59

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 11:34

X+Y are the male chromosomes, there’s also a gay magazine called X+Y I think. Could Sylvia be a man?

Ah, interesting. The X +Y code doesn't really make sense in the context of a colleague or woman he wants to cheat with... so maybe it is something like this.

Although if OP believes he is straight, is makes more sense to have a man's name. Would be less suspicious to pass it off as a new male friend.

Chuchoter · 27/03/2025 18:34

He was drunk he could have inout her name incorrectly.

Twonewcats · 28/03/2025 00:57

I do not understand the x+y at all. Regardless of what it "means",it's such an odd thing to save someone's contact as, unless it's literally a work/professional prompt.