To think you shouldn’t be hassled before a deadline?

[Rfthyhuj]

I’m going away with friends next weekend. We’re splitting the cost of the food. The organiser asked for the money to be transferred by Friday this week. Yesterday I received a message from her asking if I got the message and would I transfer it. I was in a meeting so ignored it for another hour or so, by which time I, along with two others, had been tagged in the group chat reminding us we need to pay. That was followed by messages about feeling stressed because she doesn’t know how much money she’ll end up with.

It’s really irked me. Why say by Friday if they’re going to start hassling on Tuesday? It was like being accused of not paying up on time when I still had ages

Do you or others in the group have form for not doing things on time? If so, perhaps that is why.

No. I’ve never gone away with this group, and I’d never not pay on time. If they’d said they wanted the money by Tuesday I’d have paid before Tuesday.

So if you could have paid by Tuesday, why haven't you paid her then? She has made a rod for her own back by giving a deadline but still, it takes 10 seconds to transfer. Just pay her and save any awkwardness.

YABU. You call this person a friend? Everybody knows organising these group trips is hellish and there are always people who don't pay or pay late. Be bloody grateful she's taken it on and do your small bit ASAP.

Did you respond to her message asking to transfer the money by Friday?

If you have the money why wouldn't you pay her back as soon as she paid?

She hasn’t paid. She’s going shopping on Friday, which is why she wanted it before Friday.

I thumbs upped it.

Still. You have the money so just send it. Of course she is getting nervous

I’m not particular grateful. It’s to celebrate her life event and it’s cost me a fortune. I’m going because I want to make the effort to celebrate but I barely know anyone. I’m going out of a sense of obligation.

Because she said by Friday. Tuesday is three days before Friday. I would have got round to it, but didn’t think it needed urgent attention.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t have just paid as soon as she sent the message to be honest

Why does it matter when it’s sent as long as it’s before the deadline?

I would of replied have you got your days mixed up you said Friday?

I would be annoyed if you've already paid quite a bit towards this life event of theirs.

Saves the organiser worrying about last min drop outs and people not paying. You already said she is shopping on Friday, if she waits until then to chase payments it becomes a stress to sort last minute.

I'd have found this annoying too, OP. If she wants the money in advance, just ask for it by Wednesday or whatever day. The only time I've prompted people for something like this has been when the deadline has passed and the funds haven't appeared.

Possibly she's desperate for the money in advance so she's not out of pocket for the shopping, but she could have mitigated against this by asking for an earlier deadline. She didn't. She said "by Friday". YANBU.

We’ve paid hundreds to go. No one’s going to drop out over the £10 for food.

As you acknowledged the request YANBU.

Why say by Friday if they’re going to start hassling on Tuesday? It was like being accused of not paying up on time when I still had ages

No idea.

It's like when you have to go through prolong process to pick delivery day - even sometimes paying more for that - only for them to delivery earlier then act surprised you aren't pleased even if you aren't there to take it ( happened this weekend could have been a disaster).

If she wanted money earlier she could have said - or if it was a later realisation - sorry guys can I get you all to pay asap or by Wednesday as just realised need to know amount by Friday to plan shopping - any issues get in touch with me.

What's the point in having a deadline if you are going to chase before it. Makes no sense.

The organiser should’ve asked for the money earlier then, it’s silly to say Friday when she really meant Wednesday, people aren’t mind readers.

I agree with you, if she actually wanted it earlier she should’ve asked for it earlier, I’d be irritated too being chased for something olive been told isn’t needed until Friday.

Agreed it's daft to set a deadline and then expect people to realise that you didn't mean that at all but wanted asap and before Friday at the absolute latest

But she didn’t say “pay on Friday”, she said “pay BY Friday”.

I’m with you OP. If she needed to go shopping with it on Friday she should’ve asked for it by the end of Thursday and then maybe send a polite prompt at some point on Thursday afternoon to say just a reminder if you’ve not sent me over please could you send me over by the end of today thank you