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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really cross about dp's rash behaviour again? (possibly but need a bit of perspective)

34 replies

alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 12:31

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lulumama · 17/04/2008 12:34

i remember your thread the other week about him jacking his job in

all very well him behaving like a toddler, but a toddler does not have to keep a roof over his families heads, support his DCs and be a decent husband.

taking the first job that is offered, that will affect your family life detrimentally sounds a bit daft.

sounds like you could cope better without him, and the constant aggro of fire fighting

this is not reasonable adult behaviour

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 12:37

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MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 12:40

He is behaving like a complete prat. And does he usually tell you to 'fuck off' when he doesn't like what you've said? Arse.

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 12:42

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MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 12:45

Sorry, that wasn't helpful, was it? I just can't believe he can behave so immaturely and then cop a tremendous attitude with you! He needs to sort his priorities out.

lulumama · 17/04/2008 12:47

is he depressed? or is this a pattern of behaviour that he has always followed?

he is acting like a man without responsibilities, without a care or a concern in the world, and getting the hump when you question him

either you are a partnership or not

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 12:50

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Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 12:55

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Blu · 17/04/2008 13:03

In any normal circun=mstance, I would agree that he should look ofr a job that suits his needs, qualifications and experience.

Except that that will come from a reputable company.

If he has been late 3 times a week, uses his fuel card for 250 miles of personal travel on a regular basis and is not thought of highly enough to get any reasonable salary review, then what kind of reference is he going to get to give a demanding reputable company?

He sounds immature and irresponsible. And in a new company they will have no qualms about getting rid of him within the probationary period or before he racks up any redundancy rights.

So I would brace yourself for things to get worse, if I were you.

Don't know what to suggest.

Dropdeadfred · 17/04/2008 13:06

save more and leave!

lulumama · 17/04/2008 13:11

home by 5.30 !!!! and he does not do house stuff or help with teh DCs?!

sounds lazy and childish and you could do better !

I think blu has made a really good point

if he flits from job to job when the going gets tough, it is going to get harder and harder to find a good job surely...

maybe that is why he wants to work for his mates? less aggro, in his eyes

themoon66 · 17/04/2008 13:16

Telling you to fuck off is bad enough... never mind all the other stuff

Save for yourself and plan for yourself (and DD).

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 13:44

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lemonstartree · 17/04/2008 14:00

YANBU. not at all. He is irresposnsible, lazy and workshy. poor you

PinkTulips · 17/04/2008 14:12

twat.

how much do you need to save to leave? surely you only need a deposit and a months rent for a new place, if it's only you and dd you won't need a huge house, either way, take the first place you can get for now and upgrade later on.... sounds like it'll be alot easier to save up without him sponging off you.

sorry you have to deal with this crap, it's soul destroying isn't it?

GrapefruitMoon · 17/04/2008 14:21

I gather he's not your dd's father? Don't know what's keeping you with him tbh. What's in it for you or your dd??

Miggsie · 17/04/2008 14:29

Sounds like my BIL...he acts really badly, says he is always right, gets defensive, everything is always someone else's fault, won't accept any advice EVER, would argue that the rain is wet if he decides it is NOT etc etc...almost impossible to deal with.

I am so sorry for you, there is alomst nothing you can do as he sounds like he cannot operate on a rational, adult level.
You either accept you actually have him as an additonal child FOREVER or distance yourself to protect yourself and your daughter. If anything happens to you, she will cop all this crap, he is not someone who will ever take responsibility for himself.

On your comment that when he is nice he is lovely I would say: he is just nice enough of the time to make sure you stay around and pick up after him as he can't be bothered to do anything for himself. He is a taker through and through.

I know this sounds harsh but after years of my git BIL I have no sympathy for this character type. Their only talent is to find nice people to parasite onto. A total drone in the hive.

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 14:45

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Squiffy · 17/04/2008 15:44

Your call on what you do, but depending on how much your property is worth I would say there is a very good chance it might drop in value by more than 11k between now and October. So you might be better off selling up now if you plan to sell up anyway later in the year.

Nothing is guaranteed of course, but if it were me I would sell up now and take the 11k hit rather than risk losing more on the value of the house if the market drops (but all depends on where you live and what your house is worth now)...

Original poster
alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 15:56

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casbie · 17/04/2008 16:00

say to him that your job is in a quandry (even though it isn't) and you might end up loosing yours (your not). get him to DD to your account/shared account to cover a bigger share of the bills and save up.

he sounds like a complete prick and i wouldn't put up with it (luckily, managed to change my hubby from a gambler to a responsible family man). i manage the bills and he manages weeklies (food etc) and he is a lot more responsible now.

feel for you, but i would make plans, lots of plans!

Kitti · 17/04/2008 17:05

you need to save up as much as you can and make a better life for yourself and your dd. His demands on you are totally unreasonable and he seems to be sucking you dry emotionally and financially. Even if you care about him he is not going to make you any happier and will continue to expect you to take care of him and his other child which is unreasonable beyond a doubt. You deserve better.

RainyWednesday · 17/04/2008 17:13

Dull but practical - with our mortgage company, we would have to pay £8k if we end it early but if we sold and bought a new place we could just transfer the mortgage. Is it worth having a chat with your mortgage company to see whether you could transfer your mortgage to a new place for you and DD?

cushioncover · 17/04/2008 17:16

Can I ask some questions?
Do you have a mortgage together? If so do you not have a joint bank account? I ask because I'm wondering why you pay the bills whilst he buys crap.

He sounds very selfish and immature TBH. Did he live with his mum for a long time?

I have to say I disagree with you that he could get something better. Any adult who turns up late for work 3 times a week without good reason is lazy and irresponsible and I bet his old firm were hoping he'd hand in his notice when they offered him such a small payrise.

You have a child to support. He doesn't sound supportive either emotionally or financially. I'd save like buggery and get out. Good luck,he sounds like a complete tosser!

madamez · 17/04/2008 18:19

Make sure you have your own bank account etc that he cannot access. Have you any suspicion at all (because for some reason it's popping up in my mind) that this man is an addict of some kind? I'm thinking 'hmm, cokehead'.

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