Beautiful “to me”

[Catscookbook]

Out for a couple of drinks with my husband, a rare treat (young children). I told him he was looking handsome. He said “and you’re beautiful…to me.”

AIBU to think the “to me” didn’t really need to be said? I know I’m not beautiful, plus I’m middle aged and exhausted. But did it have to be spelt out?

Have you disagreed with him in the past when he's said you're beautiful?

I would laugh off the honesty in that compliment because I think he was also recognising everything you do for the family is taking a toll at the moment and he thinks you’re all the more beautiful for it x

Don't look for an argument where there isn't one. You won't win!

I’ve probably laughed it off, @Gettingannoyednow, but I’ve never been one to say “no don’t be stupid I’m old and ugly!” I believe in accepting compliments if they are meant well.

You sound hard work

She doesn't
Her husband sounds like an idiot if he thinks that's a compliment

Do you think that beauty is objective?

Unless you want him to lie, then 'to him' is all that he can say.

That's not a compliment. I'd be bothered by it as well

Here's another, more famous idiot:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9rmGcE6m3KI

Yes @CoatRack but does it have to be spelt out? It would surely be nicer left unsaid.

Yeah, my husband says that.

You've got to laugh, haven't you?

Take it in the spirit it was likely intended. He loves you and thinks you're a beautiful person.

You sound hard work

This has become such an MN cliché. Say something original at least if you're going to bitchplop.

It’s not great OP

But if there is nothing else bothering you let it slide.

I wouldn’t be offended about this. I’m pretty hot 😁 but even I know, when DH says something like “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world”, that it absolutely isn’t true and I just laugh. It’s like all the crap love songs saying “I’d die for you” and “you’re the sun in my sky”, complete hyperbole. Whereas when he’s tempered it with something like “I find you…” or “to me…” it’s actually more sincere. I’d assume he’s trying to temper the compliment that way, and make it more believable rather than something saccharine and Hallmark.

I wouldn’t laugh, the ‘to me’ is completely unnecessary and would make anyone question themselves. I’d go as far as saying it’s a form of gaslighting.

Sounds a bit odd, like a back handed compliment.
I'm also middle aged, husband sometimes compliments, but not in this way.
Probably just a bit of a clumsy answer.

It's a shit compliment and I think anyone who thinks otherwise has their bar set really low.

Yeah, it's rude. Like of course to him...but he's seemingly saying by his assumption your not attractive to anyone else?! Which doesn't even make sense as how tf would he know what innumerable strangers think about your looks?!
I'd hope it was a clumsy joke, as in he he was teasing you thinking you were fishing for a compliment?
But I would not be pleased with that at all.

No she doesn't. That was a stupid way to pay a compliment.

I wish OP had replied "yeah, like your handsomeness. Better on good days"

Is he Peter Kay?

It didn't need to be said, but bearing in mind you had a few drinks, I'd let this one go.

Why should anybody be nice to someone so egotistical that they reject a compliment because they don't consider it to be enough of a compliment?

That sounds like a backhanded compliment. I'd be upset too.

Yes I agree with others: that's a backhanded compliment and I totally see why you are upset.
Totally unnecessary from him. Is he always so condescending to you? Sounds as though he is wanting to keep you in your place.

You should say he's quite handsome in a good light.

See how he reacts....