Beautiful “to me”

[Catscookbook]

Out for a couple of drinks with my husband, a rare treat (young children). I told him he was looking handsome. He said “and you’re beautiful…to me.”

AIBU to think the “to me” didn’t really need to be said? I know I’m not beautiful, plus I’m middle aged and exhausted. But did it have to be spelt out?

I asked my ex what part of me he found the most attractive. After lots of umming and aahing he said he liked my wrists. Gee, thanks mate.

That's the sort of thing my dp would say as well 😉 no malice intended.

“You’re beautiful…to me” is bound to imply “if not to other people”, which is a really crap compliment! Probably didn’t mean it that way, but what an idiot!

How charmless of him.

If you have small kids and you look exhausted, but he doesn't, then he's not pulling his weight either.

Upthread someone mentioned how song lyrics are hyperbolic... anyone remember the flight of the conchords' "the most beautiful girl in the room"? That was satire not a recommended compliment!

Yanbu OP, I'd be deeply offended in your place. I'd never dream of saying something like that to my dh.

There's no point paying a compliment at all if you're going to be stingy about it. Go all out or don't bother at all

I would find that hurtful

I agree. 'You look beautiful to me' is a back handed compliment. He may as well have said 'you're no prize, but you'll do.' Sounds a bit like negging. Does he often do this kind of shit @Catscookbook

Egotistical? Nah. You are really unpleasant

I kinda understand, my MiL used to say (about my DC - both boisterous toddlers at the time) They're good boys really - my reading of it was that they weren't well behaved, but could be if they tried. My MiL was a lovely woman so I doubt she meant it like that, but you can be sensitive about some people's wording. Try not to take it too much to heart.

I am not beautiful. If dh said I was, we'd both know he was lying. If he said "You're beautiful to me' he'd still be lying, but it would be less outrageous.

I'd believe him if he said "You're looking fit tonight/ good for your age/ better than her over there", but sometimes they just clutch at straws.

Yeah, that's not a nice thing to say to you. Back handed compliment.

Same here.
Physically I am ugly. I'm not beautiful or attractive or even average. It's just how it is 🤷 but my husband sees who I am and thinks who I am is beautiful.

It's a horrible thing to say. My ex used to say things like that - 'you're not exactly a supermodel...' and then when I said that wasn't very nice, he'd say 'but you are beautiful to me'. Or 'you're not conventionally attractive but you are beautiful to me'. I'm a size 8 and although I'm short so yes, no model, I've always been considered pretty. I realise now it was just a way to put me down and make me feel like no other man would want me. I dumped him.

Not sure I can explain my reasoning but I'd love if DH said I was beautiful to him..... at the end of the day he's the only person I want to attract, and I wouldn't care if the rest of the world thought I looked like a bag of spanners as long as he thought I was lovely
I suspect that doesn't make sense, but I know what I mean.... 😂

I think this is more about how you feel about yourself.

My mother used to say that to me when I was a child. 🙄

‘All he can say’ should just be you’re beautiful. Adding ‘to me’ truly is a dick move. He didn’t have to lie.

Her dh is bloody hard work if he can’t return a compliment without a snidey aside.

I'd rather have an honest compliment than a lie.

What's the point of him saying 'you're beautiful' if you're not?

Telling you that he finds you beautiful is a lovely compliment.

Agree

I’d have been upset by that. It’s essentially an insult.

If I may translate...

"I think that specific thing is wrong, and anyone who disagrees with me is very, very wrong in all sorts of ways."

The toxic femininity on display here 🤣

Not nice at all from your mother !