Friend constantly cancelling plans

[Joder]

Hi All,

I'm a busy mum with a full time job so as you can imagine my down time is very scarce!

I have a friend who is constantly making dates for coffee with me and then cancelling on the day! I am beyond frustrated at this point, as I make arrangements for my kids to be minded.

She's gotten so bad that I don't even bother making childcare arrangements anymore as I know she will cancel!

If I keep saying no, she moans she never sees me.

I feel like just cutting her off now. Would I be unreasonable for this?

I just feel shes very high maintenance. She doesn't work and her kids are grown up, so she texts everyday and is always looking for 'favours' (lifts to places as she doesn't drive and lately she has started looking for money). I am drained!!

It sounds from your message that you want to walk away from the friendship? I think it’s always ok to do this. Not all friendships are supposed to last forever and that’s ok. We can be grateful for what we had when they were good.

If you don’t want to walk away then I’d say it’s time for a chat to talk about how you feel and set some boundaries. If she’s a good friend she’ll hear you out x

Yep get rid. I had one like this excuse after excuse and always lies so ditched been the best thing and not missed her once

Dont commit again. Op I gave up on flakes they either cancelled on me or non comittal days replying etc to messages. These people not reliable

Stte just to let you know that I do this and it's because of anxiety. I always WANT to go but then often just can't do it. It's absolutely no reflection on my friends.

Sounds like she thinks inviting you for coffee catch-ups will sweeten you into doing favours for her.

She's too thick to realise empty promises put people off.

Block and delete her, it's enormously freeing.

So stop inviting friends

Why do you think you can keep doing this?

I would be mortified after the first time.

Thanks for your input.

Agree with previous posters. I recently cut someone off after repeated cancellations / flaking out. It was bad for my self-esteem to feel dependent socially on someone so unreliable.

I think if you are a flaky person who often cancels then to ensure you have some friends it's best to just meet up in groups and to tell people you may come as sometimes you get anxious. If it's just 1 person you're meeting and they may be cancelling other stuff then sometimes you have to put other people first and grit your teeth and do it or be very apologetic about how anxious you are and never arrange anything you may drop out of without warning them this may happen again.

You have responsibilities. She doesn’t. Don’t make life harder for yourself. You know what you have to do. My thoughts? She’s using you.

I used to have a friend like this, and they did have anxiety, BUT there were other friends they did see, and other social events they attended- it was me they always cancelled on. I stopped asking them to anything, and I haven't heard from them since the last time they cancelled on me (I suggested that they let me know when they wanted to reschedule).

Another friend of mine has MH problems and can't always manage meet ups, but they do reschedule, or we find workable alternatives based on their capacity.

ZOMBIE!